For the Tired and Weary

After I lay my Little Love down, I find my way to the love seat where my Bible and journal sit tucked in a bin nearby.  I pull them out and set them beside me while I pile on the blankets.  I grab my Bible and pause, holding it in my left hand.  I could open to my bookmark in John and read, my heart, my body weary.  Instead, I pause to breathe deeply and to talk to God: 

God, I have come.  I have come after a challenging day yesterday.   I had hoped for a fresh start in the morning.  I had hoped to leave the tantrums of yesterday behind with sleep, but that didn’t happen.  I realize that my girl is tired.  I noticed that she has a gum bulging with a new tooth waiting to come through.  It must hurt.  I know there is an explanation for much of her behavior, though I don’t understand it all.  I am having a really hard time being all here and all in control.  I don’t want to be the problem in my day.  That was me yesterday.  I don’t want that to be me today.  I don’t want to raise my voice.  I don’t want to speak in clipped, sharp tones.  I want to see her cues and respond like You would, Jesus. 

As I talk of this, I think to myself how much I am like my child before God.  I hurt, I grow cranky and tired.  I am uncooperative and I lash out, most often with my tongue.  I am disobedient.  Since I am tired and weary when my Little Love behaves this way, I imagine that when I am like my girl God must feel like me—tired and weary. 

At this thought, your answer comes swiftly. 

No! No! No!  

You speak ever so gently. 

You may be like her.  But I do not feel like you.  Don’t you remember?   I do not grow tired or weary.

The words of a song I learned at camp, one Jr. High summer long ago, come to mind. 

“Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” - Isaiah 40:28-29 

Oh, how you comfort me with your words.  You meet me where I am—tired and weary.  You promise to give me strength and to increase my power.  My circumstances may not change, but You change me in them. 

I often forget it, but you God, you are holy.  You are set apart.  You are so very different than me.  I am broken.  You are whole.  You are gentle.  You love me perfectly in my brokenness and lead me towards wholeness.  You are able to do so much more than I can imagine. 

I open the Bible in my hand and begin searching to find these words in Isaiah 40. 

The words of promise continue. 

“Even youths grow tired and weary; and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  -Isaiah 40:30-31 

I grab hold of your promises.  I take that which you have promised and claim it for myself today circling all the behaviors and tantrums and exhaustion and pain and whatever may arise in prayer.  I am placing my hope in the Lord.  I know that whatever comes, you will give me the strength to bear it with your heart for my sweet girl.  Knowing this, I find that inwardly I am soaring. 

*** 

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we trust in the promises of God and claim them for ourselves today.   May He bear us up and lead us to live abundantly in all things. 

Jessica :)