I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads
and many other churches in our city.
This week I spent some time meditating as a part of a group work
challenge. There were two other options
that probably would have stretched me in terms of experience a little bit more,
but I didn’t have time to do them before the first of my groups met on Tuesday
morning. So I went with a practice that
I enjoy and practice more regularly than the other options presented.
***
The instructions are to pick up to five passages from a
list of about ten. I begin looking at
the list and quickly find myself reciting most of the Scriptures based only on
their location. I come to the last one
Psalm 18:30-36. I am not familiar with
this passage at all. I think to myself, “I
guess this is the one I’ll use.” To be
honest, I am feeling a bit obstinate and based on the other passages in the mix
I have no clue how this Psalm could possibly relate to me and the area of my
life God has been inviting me to be BRAVE in.
I grab my Bible, open it up and began to read.
“As for God, his way is perfect:
The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.”
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
and your right hand sustains me;
your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
so that my ankles do not give way.”
It is when I reach this last verse that
I stop in wonder: “You provide a broad
path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.”
God
gently reaches down into my proud and skeptical heart and sets me straight.
In
that one line he reminds me of what he has done in my life and what he wants to
do as I trust him right now.
Once upon a time, my left ankle gave out
again and again. Three times in six
months when I was a sophomore in high school; again in my senior year; and then
four years later as I was looking forward to a honeymoon full of hiking. With several of the sprains, including the
last one, nothing happened to jar my ankle. I took a step or shifted my weight
and it just gave way.
It was a time when I was so
fearful. After the last sprain, I
remember wearing my air cast weeks after the six weeks it was to be worn were over. I didn’t want to be using crutches
on my wedding day. I worried over the
hiking that Jason and I would be doing—would my ankle just roll while were out? The image of feeling of my ankle collapsing,
the icky sound and the pain played over and over again in my mind. It was awful.
Now, in this moment God is reminding me
of that time in my life.
He is reminding me of how He met me
there and healed me. Through a time of
unexpected prayer for healing He gave me back my ankle.
I remember how for months afterwards, I
had a hard time leaving that image behind me.
I didn’t know what healing looked like.
I kept wondering if it would be the next hike or simply walking down the
sidewalk that my ankle would roll. Even
now, if I let myself, I can still hear the sound, picture the rolling, and feel
the pain. The memory is one full of
fear.
It has only been trusting God’s healing
one day at a time that has brought me to a new place, a better place, a freer
place. I walk with my family and speak
praise when my ankle begins to roll and instead of buckling it corrects and
holds strong. Instead of walking in
fear, I walk in His power.
In this moment I am wowed. I reminded of all he has done for me. I am led to a place of gratitude. This is really how God wants me to come to Him
and His Word--with praise for what He has done in my life and expecting Him to
act in my life right now--ready to receive the His good gifts. I read the passage again.
At first I see more feet. “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he
causes me to stand on the heights.” What
agility a deer has! What beauty can be
seen from the heights! I think of places
I have hiked. The views I have
seen. It is in His perfect way and in His security I stand on those heights. What new heights might He be leading me to climb?
Then, I notice how He trains me. “He trains my hands for battle; my arms can
bend a bow of bronze.” I imagine what
that is like and I feel energized, ready, empowered.
He not only trains, He protects. “You make your saving help my shield, and
your right hand sustains me.” I feel
upheld in the midst of difficulty.
I read, “Your help has made me
great.” David, who wrote this Psalm
recognizes that he is not just surviving.
God is doing something bigger than he could do himself. God's help has made him great. I tend to think about how it is God who is
great and he is. But it seems God wants to do great things in us
too. I can’t help but wonder if this is
all part of his plan to reveal his glory.
That is a new thought. He wants
me to be great with his help and by his power, not apart from it. I do not think of myself as great. What might greatness look like in my life?
Then, those words again! “You provide a broad path for my feet so that
my ankles do not give way.”
For whatever reason, I think about the
words of Jesus that say “Enter through the narrow gate.
For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many
enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14) What amazes me is that God’s perfect way,
this narrow road that leads to life, is broad enough. It is a sure path. It is a good path! This is not about
pain or failure or fear. This is about
healing and wholeness and good in my life!
I look back to the beginning again. “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all
who take refuge in him. For who is God
besides the Lord? And who is the Rock
except our God? It is God who arms me
with strength and keeps my way secure.”
And I wonder what it looks like to take
refuge in God in the fullness of life anyway.
I sit and consider this for awhile.
As I do words well up.
I wiggle and squirm
With thoughts of dishes and dinner undone.
It is here you invite me to sit
In Your presence.
{Held}
It is here you remind me
You are
Refuge.
Rock.
Right here in the fullness of my life
Not apart from it.
You are inviting me
into
Your
perfect
way.
The path is wide
So that my ankles will not give way.
I begin to realize that it is in the
midst of my full life God wants to remind me of who he is. It is in the midst of my full life that God
wants to lead me to stand on the heights.
It is in the midst of my full life He trains me so that I am energized,
equipped, empowered—ready for all He leads me toward. In the midst of my full life He protects and
upholds me. In the midst of my full life He leads me towards a greatness that reveals His glory. In the midst of my full life He is leading me
towards wholeness, healing and good. He
is my Rock. He is my refuge and by His
power He keeps my way secure.
I rest in all of this, thankful.
I rest in all of this, thankful.
I feel invited to step out into his
perfect way, knowing the path is wide so my ankles will not give way.
***
Grace
and peace be ours in abundance as we allow God to meet us right where we are
at—in the fullness of our life—and lead us into his perfect way. May we learn to step with the guidance of the
Holy Spirit. The path is wide and our
ankles will not give way.
Jessica :)
P.S. The photo was taken during a trip to Canyonlands National Park during the first year we lived in Utah.
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