Boundaries with Kids: A Book Review

It was nearly four years ago that I first read Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

I can honestly say that it was one of the most practical and useful books I have ever read about relationships.  I found that what I read impacted the way I encouraged leaders in ministry, communicated with my family, and saw the way I engaged in conflict with Jason. 

For a long time afterwards, I could be found running about town saying over and over again in different situations, “I have boundary issues” or “That sounds like a boundary issue to me.”  I’m like this when it comes to things I have enjoyed, find stretching, and want to put into practice—moving information from my head to my heart. 

So when my Little Love arrived late last spring, one of the books I knew I wanted to read was Boundaries with Kids.*  I borrowed it from the library and finished it this week.  It is a book I plan to order and keep on my shelf so I am able to return to it again and again and again.

The guiding principles of this book are 10 Biblical boundaries that help us live healthy lives in relationship with others.  These are the same boundaries as in the Boundaries book; however, the focus in this book is how parents help their children to develop boundaries as they grow.  In this way, they begin to take control of their lives in ways that are appropriate for their stage of development—from infancy all the way through adolescence and beyond.

As I read, I found myself thinking about my boundary issues once again.  It was a good reminder that I still have boundary issues and I still need to work on them.  I thought about how some of my boundary issues developed as I considered my parents and their own boundary issues, alongside their parenting challenges with me and my siblings.  It was fascinating and left me feeling compassionate toward them as I realized that many of their own boundary issues have much to do with their own upbringing as well.  In the midst of this, I thought a lot about the many years ahead of me with my Little Love and parenting with boundaries.  I can’t recommend a book more highly.

There were many concepts that I found interesting, but there are two that I want to take hold of and begin to put into practice as I parent my baby right now.  

First, it is a child’s job to test boundaries.  It is my job, as the parent, to keep them in place.  This may seem very obvious, but I can already tell that this will be difficult to practice.  In reflecting, I realize that I have lived and still often live trying to have others like me.  That mode of operation does not really work here all of the time.  I will have to deal with disappointment.  I will have to deal with anger and frustration.  I will have to remind myself that this is okay, because sometimes doing the right thing will not be what my Little Love wants. In the midst of this, I will be helping her to learn to deal with the emotions that we all feel sometimes.

Still being an infant, most of my parenting up to this point has involved creating a safe and loving home and redirecting my baby, not dealing with boundary issues.  However, I have seen this principle at play with nap time over the last three months.  It has taken time to train her, but now my Little Love goes down awake for most of her naps.  The journey to get to this point was painfully hard, trying to decide if her fussing was crying and if she was crying because she wanted me to come back into the room or because she really needed something.  Persevering has been worth it.  Now she fusses and sometimes cries a little when it takes her a little while to fall asleep, but then she sleeps well and wakes up happy.  

I want to remember this small success when we have moved on to more difficult types of boundary issues! 

The second thing I want to hang onto is the need to be surrounded with community.  Sometimes putting boundaries into action is hard.  Sticking to boundaries can be hard.  It can be really hard and still be the right thing to do.  Community is there to encourage me when I need to vent, to cry, to be frustrated with and still love my child. 

I have some wonderful friends who have done life with me.  They have been a source of much needed wisdom and encouragement when I have needed it.  However, I am reminded I need to be intentional in this season of life where our paths do not cross as often anymore to seek out support so that my parenting is not done in a vacuum.  I need to be surrounded by other moms who want to seek Christ as they parent and lift one another and our children up before Him and give thanks and plead for mercy as we walk through the trials of the moment.

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I thought of all this when I heard two young girls pushing their mama’s buttons at Kroger yesterday in the checkout lane next to mine, I listened as she tried to juggle their energy and a conveyor of groceries.  I watched them leave the store knocking one another about, one falling in front of my cart, and I saw this mama get frustrated.  My heart went out to her as I remembered being that child to my own mother. 

I also may have just begun talking about this book on boundaries and how it is the kids job to test them with the person was walking nearby as I wheeled my own Little Love to the car.  She told me that she was so glad her kids were grown and I hoped as I was putting groceries into the back seat that at the end of this season with my baby girl that I will be glad I embraced the challenge of raising her with boundaries.

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Grace and peace be yours in abundance as you pursue healthy relationships.  May God guide you in the midst of frustration to a place of health in the midst of the loving encouragement of community.

Jessica :)

*I discovered that there is an updated version of the book as I was writing this post.  It was put out three years after the version I read.  

Epic of Eden: A Book Review

When you think of the Bible does the word epic come to mind?

I recently finished a book called Epic of Eden, by Sandra L. Richter. 

This fall two of my lovely friends and I took up the endeavor to read the book together.  We read and discussed.  We tried to drink in the content and let it change us.

Epic of Eden has the subtitle “A Christian Entry into the Old Testament.”  It is that.  It provides a framework for understanding the patriarchal, patrilineal, and patrilocal culture of the Ancient Middle East, as well as an understanding of the geography of the Fertile Crescent, Palestine, and Egypt. 

Understanding the context in which the Old Testament takes place is critical, since often times we readers bring our own experiences and biases from our own upbringing and cultural understanding when we sit down to read the Bible.  If we do not understand the context we readers, who come from a modern Western background, might find stories odd and disturbing because we lack the information that make sense of that which is strange and foreign to us; and in the midst of our own biases we may miss the critiques of culture that are being pointed out in some instances or the provisions of God’s generosity in others.

Richter tackles the ideas of redemption and covenant, by explaining their significance in the broader culture of the Ancient Middle East.  In doing this, she highlights how God uses these cultural customs to reveal himself in an epic way through Israel’s history.

After setting the stage with this background, we began to explore creation and God’s intent for humanity.  It is a beautiful picture.  We looked at how the story is headed towards a restoration to God’s original intent; and what follows is the unfolding history of a God who works to redeem humanity.  He works through a man, a family, a nation, to draw all people to Himself.

Richter uses several patriarchal figures of the Old Testament to set up a basis for understanding the history of the Old Testament—Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David.  These men are used to define different periods of time in Israel’s history and to describe the significance of how God is working toward reconciliation with humanity in the midst of these times. 

The insights along the way have been enlightening.

When my friends and I began to read this fall, it was my third time to begin Epic of Eden.  As much as admitting that may not lend itself to seeming like a good read, I promise that has never been the case!   

I truly have enjoyed rereading all of it, each time, because it has deepened my understanding of Scriptural context in a way reading it once would not have accomplished.  I have also found with each reading, Jason and I have been in different locations of the Old Testament reading Scripture together; and each time it has seemed to match up perfectly with the content of the book to lead me to a deeper understanding of the character of God and his love for humanity.  I could not have orchestrated that and count it as a gift.

Recently, Jason and I have been reading through 1 & 2 Samuel and 1 & 2 Kings.  (We will soon get to 1 & 2 Chronicles!)  This was very appropriate as I was reading about David and the monarchy in Israel.  There was so much that I did not understand about the distinctions of the role of a prophet, priest, and king in the midst of the monarchy in Israel. 

The priest was to speak for the people to God.  The prophet was to speak God’s word to the king and the people.  The king was to know God’s law, and lead the people by example in relationship and devotion to God. 

What made David a good king was not that David was perfect.  He definitely was not.  However, he loved God and sought to serve Him.  When he did not follow God’s law, he listened to the word of the prophet and was repentant.  In reading, both Epic of Eden and Scripture it seems to me that it was David’s repentant heart that was special.  David was receptive to what God was saying; and it his response to God that sets David apart from all the other kings.  This is why he is the standard.

The words about each new king introduced in 1 & 2 Kings say something about the king’s heart and the way he leads God’s people.  They are either like David or not. 

“[Abijam] walked in all the sins of his father which he had committed before him; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the Lord his God, like the heart of his father David.” 1 Kings 15:3

“Asa did what was right in the sight of the Lord, like David his father.” 1 Kings 15:11

“[Hezekiah] did right in the sight of the Lord according to all that his father David had done” 2 Kings 18:3

There are many instances where the Kings of Israel and Judah are compared to the example of a bad king (usually from Israel) as well.  These are in contrast with David.

In the past, I read through the parade of kings noticing a king’s behavior but not really understanding the full picture of what God was doing.  (I still probably don’t see the whole picture, but more of it.)  What I have seen is that God responds to His people based on the way they keep their covenant with Him.  If they follow the covenant, they live in peace in the land.  If they do not live according to the covenant, they are attacked by foreign nations and the land (or a portion of it) is taken from them.  It is fascinating to watch God’s consistency, His patience, His mercy—even with the worst of Judah’s and Israel’s kings.

As I have read, there is something else I have been learning.  Understanding the Old Testament is key to a deepening understanding of the gospel.  It is important to understand that Jesus is the fulfillment of the promises made to God’s people.  Jesus’ claims are tied to these Old Testament promises where God is calling all people to Himself in a kingdom.  Jesus’ death and resurrection prove his identity as King.  The New Testament is in this regard about the fulfillment of God’s promises in Christ and learning to live under His kingship.  It is a call to live in reliance upon God, trusting Him. 

I can’t think of a book that I would recommend more highly.  Epic of Eden will deepen your understanding of Scripture and God’s heart toward people.  I invite you to stop by and borrow a copy if you are in the area.  If you are not in the area, you might consider ordering it.*  I would love to sit down for a chat to hear what you are learning if you do!

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Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we open up the Bible and drink heartily of God’s word to us.  May we find that it excites in us a posture of loving obedience to the heart of God.

Jessica :)

P.S.  I am so sorry if you stopped by last week looking for a post.  I got carried away with getting ready for our Little Love and found that the day slipped away.  That may happen again in the near future when she actually arrives and we try to find our bearings around here.  I will try to do a better job of communicating when that happens if I can.  Thank you so much for grace!

*Jus in case you are wondering, I am not receiving any compensation by linking you to order here.  I am just providing access to this resource.

Thinking about 'The King Jesus Gospel'

If someone asked you what the gospel was, how would you respond?

STOP!

Take a minute to think about it.  Then, continue reading.

Scot McKnight quotes N.T. Wright in the opening pages of his book The King Jesus Gospel as writing, “I am perfectly comfortable with what people normally mean when they say “the gospel.”  I just don’t think it is what Paul means.  In other words, I am not denying that the usual meanings are things that people ought to say, to preach about, to believe.  I simply wouldn’t use the word “gospel” to denote those things.”

Okay.  Think about that gospel picture again.

Get ready to compare it to what McKnight describes.

Think about how His understanding might impact or enrich what you believe. 

The early chapters of McKnight’s book are spent painting a picture between gospel culture and salvation culture.  He argues that “evangelicals (mistakenly) equate the word gospel with the word salvation. […] When we evangelicals see the word gospel, our instinct is to think (personal) “salvation.”  We are wired this way.  But these two words don’t mean the same thing” (29).

McKnight describes how salvation culture surrounds a decision point that leads to someone being saved or not saved.  It leads to someone thinking they are in or out.  But it does not lead to discipleship.  He, then, goes on to make the case that a gospel culture cannot be divorced from discipleship; and a belief in the gospel, leads to salvation too.

McKnight writes of the gospel:

““To gospel” is to herald, to proclaim, and to declare something about something.  To put this together: the gospel is to announce good news about key events in the life of Jesus Christ.  To gospel for Paul was to tell, announce, declare and shout aloud the Story of Jesus Christ as the saving news of God” (49-50).

The gospel, then, is the story of Jesus as the fulfillment to the story of Israel.  It leads to the culminating point that Jesus is Messiah and Lord.  When this is laid bare, it calls for a response.

McKnight writes of the gospel that is preached in Acts, “True gospeling that conforms to the apostolic gospel leads directly to who Jesus is, whatever the gospeler has to say to get folks to move in that direction.  Once there, the apostolic gospleing in the book of Acts summons the audience to respond” (127).

So what does a response to the gospel look like?

McKnight describes belief, repentance and baptism as the ways in which people were invited to respond in Acts. 

Belief has more to do with reliance and trust in God that is lived out by “a life of obedience, holiness, and love” than “mentally agreeing to some truth” (128).  It is a life of discipleship.  

McKnight spends chapters talking about the gospel the apostles understood; the gospel in Matthew, Mark Luke and John; whether Jesus preached the gospel; what gospel the disciples preached.  He explores how we moved from a gospel culture to a salvation culture.  He also discusses some ideas for how we can move toward a gospel culture today.

Key to an understanding of the gospel and to creating a gospel culture is the idea of story. 

McKnight writes, “To grasp the gospel we have to grasp what God is doing in this world, and that means we have a story to tell” (148).  He talks about how important it is to understand the story that is painted in the Bible.  It is when we understand the Old Testament that we are able to see Jesus as the fulfillment of these promises.  We see Jesus as Lord.  We are drawn, once again, toward obedience and trust.        

In light of this Story, all other stories begin to make sense. 

In his book, Scot McKnight encourages me to live as a disciple trusting God, to invest my time reading Scripture—all of it—to know the Story.  He challenges me to see the world in light of what God has done in the Story of Israel, has fulfilled in Christ and promises he will do in the future.  He challenges me to share the gospel and create disciples.

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Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we receive the gospel in a fresh way that challenges us to be changed and to surrender our lives.  May we find that life has meaning that is rich.  May we find that the things around us whether painful or beautiful begin to make more sense.  May we find that we can’t help but share the gospel—the story of the one who was the fulfillment of promises by a good God—because we have been changed by it.  May we lead others to a place where they must choose how they will respond.

Jessica :)

Who is this Man?

As I read, I found myself becoming captivated.

I was riveted by the way this one man’s life has impacted the way I experience life today. 

Chapter by chapter, author, John Ortberg, revealed areas of this world that are not without this man's influence today.  No matter what people think when they hear his name, it is because of this man our modern ideas are what they are in the realms of dignity, life, egalitarianism, the value of women and children and those with special needs, education, science, medical care, humility, separation of church and state, authenticity, community, sexuality, marriage, the arts, space and time. 

All of it shaped by the life of this one man.  As Ortberg asks over and over again, building momentum each time—who is this man? 

This man is Jesus.

So often, my experience of Jesus has been through the Bible.  John Ortberg’s book, Who is this Man?, looks at Jesus with a different lens.  He paints a large historical picture that I find extremely fascinating. 

Looking at the way history changed because of Jesus is amazing. 

As I read, I thought about how it is through this one man the world changed and drastically so—values, vision, and action of those who put their trust in him.  It is as though history has hinged around him.  History before him, as it is told in the story of Israel, was pointing toward hope in a Messiah.  History after him, right up through the present we live in, points toward change that has happened because of Jesus.  Why is that?

It is almost like the world and all of its history points toward His Lordship.

“Yale historian Jaroslav Pelikan wrote, “Regardless of what anyone may personally think or believe about him, Jesus of Nazareth has been the dominant figure in the history of Western Culture for almost twenty centuries” (Who is this Man?, 14).  Ortberg explores the many ways in which this is true, and why this might be the case.  In so doing, he is seeks to show that “Jesus is history’s most familiar figure.  His impact on the world is immense and non-accidental” (12). 

Who is this Man? made for a very interesting read.  It is one that I would recommend exploring.  I found that I was given a better grasp of many ways that the ideals our culture likes to promote and uphold are fruits of the ministry and teaching of Christ and his church.  I also found that by processing and thinking about these things, I feel better equipped to engage in conversation about Jesus as a source of these ideals and a vehicle for talking about his role in history and the implications it has for everyone.

“The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For in him all things were created:  things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.  And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.  For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”  Colossians 1:15-19

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Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to love the Lord with all of our mind.  May we find that as we read, ponder, discuss, and engage the brains God has given us that he transforms our hearts and gives us the tools to share these things with others.

Jessica :)