The Good Life

It has been quiet around this space the last few weeks. 

In my home the days have been full of celebrations, decisions, viruses, prayer, people and life as usual.  The thoughts have been many.  Even so, the words have not come clearly or easily.  I’ve left this space to live life.  I return as the thoughts settle and the work of putting them into practice begins.

In the midst of a lot of reading I have been seriously thinking about the way we are to live out our relationship with God and what that means in the context of family.  

“This is the commandment, the rules and regulations, that God, your God, commanded me to teach you to live out in the land you’re about to cross into to possess. This is so that you’ll live in deep reverence before God lifelong, observing all his rules and regulations that I’m commanding you, you and your children and your grandchildren, living good long lives.

Listen obediently, Israel. Do what you’re told so that you’ll have a good life, a life of abundance and bounty, just as God promised, in a land abounding in milk and honey.

Attention, Israel!

God, our God! God the one and only!

Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.”  Deuteronomy 6:1-9 MSG

A few things stand out to me.  This is about the good life God wants us to live with Him.  It begins with me loving God first.  It is about my husband loving God first.  Out of that love we lead our child to love God.  This makes sense.  I cannot pass on what I do not have.  All of this is an all day every day, in every way you can, every chance you get way of life.

Along with this, I have been struck by the sensory nature of the symbolic elements and celebrations in Scripture.  We are made with bodies—able to see, smell, touch, taste, and hear—for a reason.  

With all of this in mind, I have been considering what it looks like to live mindful of these things.  I have to say I have a long way to go!

In the midst of all this, I am very aware that kingdom life is not about right actions, but allowing God to cultivate in me a right heart that leads to them.  This good life is what I want to be cultivated in me and around me (my family, my neighbors, my friends). 

I hope to be sharing more soon.  

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to live the good life God has for us when we trust him.  May we discover that as we get his love and his commands inside our hearts it leads to transformed lives. 

Jessica :)

Wear Love

We sit side by side.  My pen is in hand to capture the thoughts we will share when we gather round loved ones to bless as two plan to become one. 

It has been eight years (this week!) since I said yes and we looked with great anticipation toward the late summer day when we would say “I do” as they do now. 

I ask what words we will speak. 

I don’t know.  He doesn’t know. 

What is it we have learned in eight years worth passing along? 

Wanting to be prepared and growing agitated I suggest we stop and pray.  He grumbles.

“Well if you don’t want to talk to God I will,” I say in a sing-song voice. 

“Nice.  You stole that line right out of my playbook,” he retorts with a smile.

“Yeah.  Well…”  I reply with a grin.

We slow and pause.  We try to get our hearts right before God.  We bring our friends before Him.

Lord, what is it that two hearts preparing to be knit together as one need to know? What have you taught us?

I share how I’m thinking of Colossians and Genesis and what it means to live in unity as one flesh before God.  He tells me he likes the sound of that.

I wonder what thoughts he has and I have no idea why he says I am better at this than he is.  He lives love so much better than I do.  He is patient with me when I exasperate…sometimes intentionally.  He steps in and does what I fail to do—from making dinner, to humility, forgiveness, and love.  He doesn’t complain. 

I have so much to learn from him.  I tell him so. 

He quips back about how he has just the verse.

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”  Proverbs 21:9

I scowl. 

He tells me he would be sitting on the addition roof with his porter if he really felt that way about me.  We laugh.

With a poke, I ask him what he would say, seriously, to our friends.

He tells me his words to them would be:  Marriage takes work.  Don’t do it alone.  Live in community that will support you in loving one another.  Marriage will be the hardest thing you ever decide to do.  It will also be the best. So work at loving each other well.

I smile at his words.  They are true to the way he lives.  I also think about how they complement and fill in what it looks like, practically, when unity is lived out.  We bring out the best in one another.

“We are a good team,” I tell him.

I think about how this is as it is meant to be. 

Two people come together in love and are united as one flesh before God. 

This oneness is a mystery that He works in us as we lay down our lives (our time, our pride, our way) for one another.  It is a mystery that runs deeper than the joining of two bodies.  It is oneness of heart and purpose and vision for life together.  It comes as we seek Christ; both of us yielded and open and focused on Him, we write our story together.  And it is beautiful.

This is what we have learned to practice in eight years.

Wear love.

“So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.  Beyond all things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.”  Colossians 3:12-14 (NASB)

It comes down to this, dear ones.  Put on love.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we live united in Christ by wearing love.  May we find great joy in oneness as we go where the Holy Spirit leads us.

Jessica :)

Gracious Words on Tough Days

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24

***

It is late when the phone rings and his name pops up on my phone.

“Hi honey,” I answer.  “Are you just leaving?”

“Yes.  It’s late.  I’m sorry,” he says. “It has been a long day.  I’m tired, hungry, and feeling a bit angry.”

“Will you go straight to meet your friend,” I ask.

“Yes.  It’s too late to come home for dinner now.”

“I thought so; but please make sure to stop for something on your way.  You’ll be too hungry if you wait to eat until you get home.”

This is not how I thought the evening would go.  I can tell he is agitated and I wish I could reach across the miles between us and give him a hug.

“You’re upset, aren’t you?” he wonders into the phone. “I’m sorry.”

“About dinner?  No.  I figured you wouldn’t be home as it got later and later.  Plus, dinner is not ready yet because I set the rice to simmer on the wrong setting.  I’m trying to fix it now,” I say half smiling and half groaning inwardly.   I add, “I did hope you might be able to pick up a few things for me; but they’ll keep until later.”

“You’re sure you’re not mad?” he asks again.

“Yes.  I’m sure.  What I am concerned about is that you’re headed out angry and hungry and tired.  That is not a very good mindset for a conversation with a friend.  So what I am doing is praying for you.  I’m praying that you would receive God’s peace right now.  I’m praying that you would leave behind the frustration and anger and weight of the day, that they would just fall away.  I am praying that you would know that I am not upset, but I am thankful for you and glad you are making time for your friend.  I am praying that you will be fully present with him—to listen well and respond with the grace and peace of Christ.”

“Thank you,” he lets out with a sigh.

“You’re welcome.  So.  If anyone cuts you off on your way they probably have had a rough day like you.  Be gracious.”  I encourage.  Then, knowing him I ask, “Do you need to go now so you can unwind a little on your way?”

“Yes.  That would be great,” he says honestly.

“Okay.  Well, I’ll see you when you get home.  I love you.  Bye.” 

After I hang up the phone and fix a plate for dinner I think about my husband. 

I think about tough days.  Mine has been full too and I am feeling tired. 

I think about how I love prayers and words of blessing any time.  Yet, on tough days words of blessing provide release from what has come before and the peace to walk forward with renewed energy and reclaimed purpose.

I think about how my husband has done this for me so many times.  I think about how thankful I am to be able to do the same for him. 

I think about this and give thanks for the way marriage makes the both of us better.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we extend just that to others.   May we know the joy of lifting up one another with encouragement in the strength of Christ.

Jessica :)

An Iron Year

This weekend, Jason and I celebrated our sixth anniversary.

Over the last year, I have become more aware of how God has used marriage to shape me.  It is like a spiritual discipline—slowly shaping me into more of who God wants me to be.  It is practiced one interaction, one choice, and one word at a time. 

In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas writes, “The real transforming work of marriage is the twenty-four-hours-a-day, seven-days-a-week commitment.  This is the crucible that grinds and shapes us into the character of Jesus Christ.  Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life.  […] Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly began to understand that the real purpose of my marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness.”

It is really fitting that I have been more aware of this shaping this year.  It is the iron year.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” 

This is the way of marriage.  It shapes and it transforms.

I am so thankful that it does.

I handle conflict differently now.  I have good and authentic friendships now.  I choose to tackle the things that I am afraid of now.  I am writing this blog now.  These are all fruits of Jason gently encouraging me, speaking the truth in love to me, holding me accountable, and making me do the things I tried to avoid. 

I am thankful for the way God uses our relationship to shape me.  I tell Jason this, over dinner. 

I am delighted when he tells me our marriage is shaping him too.  I see it.

I marvel that all this has happened in six years of trusting God together.  They seem like short years.  I wonder.  What might possibly happen when we submit ourselves out of reverence for Christ for the whole of our marriage?

I think we just may be wrought into something beautiful by the hand of God.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  May we discover that as our love for Christ is central to our love for one another God shapes us, transforms us and makes us holy.

Jessica :)

Darning Our Hearts

Often, it is a slow drift—a series of choices, careless words and selfish thoughts.

But once in awhile it’s like being sideswiped, sudden.

It all goes spinning out of control.

The silence hangs heavy

As we regroup and try to find the way back to wholeness and peace and love.

It is here, out of the brokenness—

In the bending of wills,

In seeking to listen and understand,

In choosing an attitude of humility—

A marriage is proved strong.

As we set aside wounded feelings and deal with the humanness of us both.

Together, doing the work of darning our hearts—

Finding the places worn thin and weaving in the new and fresh and strong

Threads of communication, trust, and active love.

The kinds of fibrous substance to last a lifetime.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21

*** 

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to honor our spouses.  As we submit to each other out of love may we find that mutual submission leads to a beautiful rhythm that brings us much joy.

Jessica :)

Speak Blessing

My husband and I were on our way back from the coffee shop around the corner.  (We ate out last night to grab a few extra minutes from the time I would be making dinner so we could sit, talk and enjoy each other before he headed out on a business trip.  These haven’t been too common in the last few months, which is a reason to give thanks.)  As we walked, I thought of how I would miss him.  I grasped his hand and leaned in close to his arm as we walked back to our place.

Instead of dwelling on what I would be missing, I began to think of what lay ahead of him this week.  This in mind, I began to speak blessing:  “I pray that God would go before you and with you.  I pray that he would encourage you.  I pray for opportunity as you go--to love your coworkers, to build relationships, to share the Good News, to encourage, to pray, to bless others, to spread the grace and peace of Christ.  May your actions be those that show love, your words those that speak peace, and may you see the many ways God has surrounded you with his grace.”  I gave him a smile.  He gave me a squeeze.

We entered our building and talked of the block party we were just invited to.  I said, “This scares me.  So I think we should go.”  He nodded and replied, “Sure.”  We pulled out our Bible and read a bit in Scripture—Joshua and 2 Corinthians—a habit we’re trying to grow in our time together…some days a little more successfully than others.  And then it was time for him to go.

He grabbed up his bag.  And as we walked towards the door, he spoke a variation of these words from Scripture—a blessing: “May the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26).  I smiled.  He wrapped me up in his arms for a good hug and kiss before heading down the hall where we waved at opposite ends before he disappeared around the corner.

               

***

There are many days where we get this marriage thing wrong.  But this.  This, we got right.  We spoke blessing.  We should speak blessing to one another.  We should speak that which will encourage, lift up, and express love.  We should speak words that make souls stronger.  We should speak the things which will lead one another toward Christ and becoming more like him.  Don’t you agree?

“Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24

Sometimes discipleship is all about the way we use our words.

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we speak blessing over the family, friends, loved ones and strangers that cross our paths.  May it usher them into the presence of Christ.

Jessica :)