The Good Life

It has been quiet around this space the last few weeks. 

In my home the days have been full of celebrations, decisions, viruses, prayer, people and life as usual.  The thoughts have been many.  Even so, the words have not come clearly or easily.  I’ve left this space to live life.  I return as the thoughts settle and the work of putting them into practice begins.

In the midst of a lot of reading I have been seriously thinking about the way we are to live out our relationship with God and what that means in the context of family.  

“This is the commandment, the rules and regulations, that God, your God, commanded me to teach you to live out in the land you’re about to cross into to possess. This is so that you’ll live in deep reverence before God lifelong, observing all his rules and regulations that I’m commanding you, you and your children and your grandchildren, living good long lives.

Listen obediently, Israel. Do what you’re told so that you’ll have a good life, a life of abundance and bounty, just as God promised, in a land abounding in milk and honey.

Attention, Israel!

God, our God! God the one and only!

Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.”  Deuteronomy 6:1-9 MSG

A few things stand out to me.  This is about the good life God wants us to live with Him.  It begins with me loving God first.  It is about my husband loving God first.  Out of that love we lead our child to love God.  This makes sense.  I cannot pass on what I do not have.  All of this is an all day every day, in every way you can, every chance you get way of life.

Along with this, I have been struck by the sensory nature of the symbolic elements and celebrations in Scripture.  We are made with bodies—able to see, smell, touch, taste, and hear—for a reason.  

With all of this in mind, I have been considering what it looks like to live mindful of these things.  I have to say I have a long way to go!

In the midst of all this, I am very aware that kingdom life is not about right actions, but allowing God to cultivate in me a right heart that leads to them.  This good life is what I want to be cultivated in me and around me (my family, my neighbors, my friends). 

I hope to be sharing more soon.  

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to live the good life God has for us when we trust him.  May we discover that as we get his love and his commands inside our hearts it leads to transformed lives. 

Jessica :)

Eager as the Little Ones

It would seem…

The new act of parenting is as fall.

Life as it were

surrenders

dropping in dazzling color,

Fading

to a pleasing,

fallen,

crunchy brown.

Moving fast into winter—

Barren and cold and strikingly beautiful.

(Those tired smiles are genuine and true.)

Inside

the life rings grow,

the roots deepen,

The days stretch out—

Long and gray.

We long.

We hope.

We wonder.

Will spring come? 

And then…

One day it does!  Buds popping, trees leafing, sun shining, winds blowing.

We

rush

into

ALL

THIS

as

if

for

the

first

time!

Eager as the little ones who lead the way to exploring LIFE!

New and fresh and gloriously abundant again.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we embrace the seasons of life in all their beauty.  As we do may we trust that God uses each with skillful purpose growing us more into the image of Christ as we allow Him to work in and through us.

Jessica :)

Boundaries with Kids: A Book Review

It was nearly four years ago that I first read Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

I can honestly say that it was one of the most practical and useful books I have ever read about relationships.  I found that what I read impacted the way I encouraged leaders in ministry, communicated with my family, and saw the way I engaged in conflict with Jason. 

For a long time afterwards, I could be found running about town saying over and over again in different situations, “I have boundary issues” or “That sounds like a boundary issue to me.”  I’m like this when it comes to things I have enjoyed, find stretching, and want to put into practice—moving information from my head to my heart. 

So when my Little Love arrived late last spring, one of the books I knew I wanted to read was Boundaries with Kids.*  I borrowed it from the library and finished it this week.  It is a book I plan to order and keep on my shelf so I am able to return to it again and again and again.

The guiding principles of this book are 10 Biblical boundaries that help us live healthy lives in relationship with others.  These are the same boundaries as in the Boundaries book; however, the focus in this book is how parents help their children to develop boundaries as they grow.  In this way, they begin to take control of their lives in ways that are appropriate for their stage of development—from infancy all the way through adolescence and beyond.

As I read, I found myself thinking about my boundary issues once again.  It was a good reminder that I still have boundary issues and I still need to work on them.  I thought about how some of my boundary issues developed as I considered my parents and their own boundary issues, alongside their parenting challenges with me and my siblings.  It was fascinating and left me feeling compassionate toward them as I realized that many of their own boundary issues have much to do with their own upbringing as well.  In the midst of this, I thought a lot about the many years ahead of me with my Little Love and parenting with boundaries.  I can’t recommend a book more highly.

There were many concepts that I found interesting, but there are two that I want to take hold of and begin to put into practice as I parent my baby right now.  

First, it is a child’s job to test boundaries.  It is my job, as the parent, to keep them in place.  This may seem very obvious, but I can already tell that this will be difficult to practice.  In reflecting, I realize that I have lived and still often live trying to have others like me.  That mode of operation does not really work here all of the time.  I will have to deal with disappointment.  I will have to deal with anger and frustration.  I will have to remind myself that this is okay, because sometimes doing the right thing will not be what my Little Love wants. In the midst of this, I will be helping her to learn to deal with the emotions that we all feel sometimes.

Still being an infant, most of my parenting up to this point has involved creating a safe and loving home and redirecting my baby, not dealing with boundary issues.  However, I have seen this principle at play with nap time over the last three months.  It has taken time to train her, but now my Little Love goes down awake for most of her naps.  The journey to get to this point was painfully hard, trying to decide if her fussing was crying and if she was crying because she wanted me to come back into the room or because she really needed something.  Persevering has been worth it.  Now she fusses and sometimes cries a little when it takes her a little while to fall asleep, but then she sleeps well and wakes up happy.  

I want to remember this small success when we have moved on to more difficult types of boundary issues! 

The second thing I want to hang onto is the need to be surrounded with community.  Sometimes putting boundaries into action is hard.  Sticking to boundaries can be hard.  It can be really hard and still be the right thing to do.  Community is there to encourage me when I need to vent, to cry, to be frustrated with and still love my child. 

I have some wonderful friends who have done life with me.  They have been a source of much needed wisdom and encouragement when I have needed it.  However, I am reminded I need to be intentional in this season of life where our paths do not cross as often anymore to seek out support so that my parenting is not done in a vacuum.  I need to be surrounded by other moms who want to seek Christ as they parent and lift one another and our children up before Him and give thanks and plead for mercy as we walk through the trials of the moment.

***

I thought of all this when I heard two young girls pushing their mama’s buttons at Kroger yesterday in the checkout lane next to mine, I listened as she tried to juggle their energy and a conveyor of groceries.  I watched them leave the store knocking one another about, one falling in front of my cart, and I saw this mama get frustrated.  My heart went out to her as I remembered being that child to my own mother. 

I also may have just begun talking about this book on boundaries and how it is the kids job to test them with the person was walking nearby as I wheeled my own Little Love to the car.  She told me that she was so glad her kids were grown and I hoped as I was putting groceries into the back seat that at the end of this season with my baby girl that I will be glad I embraced the challenge of raising her with boundaries.

***

Grace and peace be yours in abundance as you pursue healthy relationships.  May God guide you in the midst of frustration to a place of health in the midst of the loving encouragement of community.

Jessica :)

*I discovered that there is an updated version of the book as I was writing this post.  It was put out three years after the version I read.