Heart Cries and His Responses

Another prayer story close to my heart.  Prayer is relationship with God.  We pour out the cries of our hearts and God changes us through it.  This is a story of how I cried out and God met me this weekend as I was at Allume.  I wonder where are you calling out and where God might be trying to meet you in ways you didn't expect.

***

This weekend I attended Allume. 

I left, Thursday, unsure of why I was going and what God would do in the midst of this bloggers conference.

Sunday, I returned home with my wonderings satisfied.

In between, was a lot of silliness, good conversation, learning, and blessed moments. 

It was toward the end of the newbie meet up.  I was standing on the edge of the hotel lobby, in a group that was conversing around me, lost in the middle of the loud din that hundreds of women talking around hard surfaces cannot help but make.  I began to zone out in all the noise wondering inside, “God what do you have for me here?”  

Silence seemed to follow the cry of my heart. 

I went through the rest of the evening overwhelmed and tired, finally heading back to my hotel room to sleep.

It was early Friday morning when I woke, unable to fall back to sleep.  I lay in bed trying to sleep and instead tossed over the words that crossed my mind.  They were words from Crossroads, a week ago, and Phil Vischer and Sarah Mae, the night before. 

The longer I wrestled with the thoughts and the more the ideas rose, I began to sense that God was answering my prayer in a very tangible way.  In this realization, I began to tuck away the ideas that were surfacing and was able to fall back to sleep for a few more hours before breakfast.

The themes that I became aware of in the wee hours of the morning continued to jump out at me in the sessions all through the weekend:

Where is your identity, Jessica?  What is most important to you in all of this?  Is it Me?

Where are the priorities in your life, Jessica?  Are they in finishing your next post or in loving the neighbor who is next to you in real life? 

I found God saying “I need to be most important.  And if you go through the day and find yourself drifting, drift towards real life not a virtual one.”

Over and over again, as speakers spoke, this was the message I needed to hear.

I have been taking these thoughts to heart and plan to be making a few changes around the way I blog. 

So, if you find that I’m not posting quite as regularly as I have been, know that I’m probably investing in the real life relationships around me—the new neighbors I have, family, friends, and our Crossroads community.  Know that I’m probably investing more quality time in my relationship with God.  Know that I am enjoying the gifts that He has given me in different ways, like enjoying writing for writing’s sake not just to get something posted tomorrow.  Know that I may just need to use my energy differently as change in life and my family is happening.

I still plan to share here in this space.  There has been much good that has come from obedience in beginning A Becoming Life.  For this reason, I believe by heeding God’s voice much good will happen in this time too, both on the blog and in real life too.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we pursue God in wonder.  May we discover when we come to Him longing to see Him work it may happen in unexpected ways.  May we respond in obedience trusting that His way and His call is truly best.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photos are from the Allume photobooth with my friends from Hearts Undaunted and Favored One. 

I'm taking a break until Monday while I'm at the Allume conference. 

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.  Take time to enjoy the fall colors and cool weather and the God that made it all.

Grace and Peace,

Jessica :)

Digging Through the Grime

Jason and I are in the middle of moving into our new home.  As we do this we are also participating in “A Journey Home” with our family at Crossroads.  I am sharing a little bit about how the physical and the spiritual are matching up in life right now as we do both.  I hope we will all grow in the midst of this journey home.  You can read the whole of this journey series here.

***

One thing Jason and I noticed as we began to prepare for the move to our new home was how dirty it was.  It is not unusual to clean before you move into a new home. I have done that several times.  However, this was certainly the least clean place we have planned to live.  I am not sure how the family who lived here before us made themselves step into the grime and mold and mildew that would have touched their body in the shower.  I don’t think I could do it.

Yet, I wonder.  Is it easier to just live in our grime?

This week, in our journey home, we were invited to explore some things as it related to our fathers and how we grew up.  We were asked to think about three or four descriptions of our fathers or the parent who raised us.  Then we were to think about how these characteristics affected us.  From here, we followed a trail from the way we responded in the midst of our parental relationship to how it might influence our relationship with authority figures and our view of God. 

It was really helpful to consider this.

As I sat in my seat during the Saturday night service writing in my guide, I was surprised by what I learned and remembered about myself.

It was as I was thinking about my dad leaving my mom and our family when I was a junior in high school that I remembered how I felt.  I remembered the night he told us he was leaving and how I was disappointed in his failure to do the right thing.  I considered the bitterness that I experienced during college and how it was prayer that took the sting away to leave me just sad for what had been lost. 

As I pushed through these memories I uncovered one more, the way it felt when he was gone. 

I didn’t feel safe anymore. 

I was unaware that I had felt safe until the safety was gone.  I imagine it was a lack of physical safety as my mom would go to work at the hospital for her night shift, despite my siblings being in the home.  I think it was probably a lack of emotional safety too.  If family wasn’t safe, what was?

As I considered how this affects my relationship with authority figures and God it seems to me that it left me with trust issues, which I already struggled with due to some bad experiences with friends in the past.  It left me wanting to take control in some situations and feeling helpless in others.  I think this pretty well describes some aspects of my relationship with God.  I find it difficult to surrender and let go of control.

I do not mean to suggest that all of my trust issues stem from this one event, important as it was in my life.  We all have trust issues. 

They stem from the enemy of God planting seeds of doubt in each of our lives, just as he did with Adam and Eve: “Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?” 

For us he might be asking any number of questions: "Are you sure you can trust God with your cares?", "Are you sure God isn't going to be angry when you tell him about the mistake you made?", "Are you sure that God will love you even though you failed?" or "Are you sure that God will not leave you stranded?"

As a result of the fall we are all spiritual orphans, looking for home.

In our small group this week, we were challenged to dig through that which has affected the way we relate to God to discover what is true about him.

I am considering how “God isn’t leaving.”

I am reading Psalm 9:10 over and over again trying to hide its truth in my heart.

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

As I do this, I am digging through the layers of grime in my own life coming from experiences and beliefs that I hold about God.  I am scrubbing through that which is false to claim what is true.

It is kind of like the hours I spent scrubbing the shower.  I rubbed through greens and browns and pinks to find the white solid surface underneath.  It took time to get through the grime, but a comfortable home, I want to live in, lay on the other side. 

This is true of seeking the truth about God.  His true character is worth discovering.  In Him, I find my real home.  I do not have to be an orphan.  I can claim my identity as adopted child.

“But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.  Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out “Abba, Father.”  So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”  Galatians 4:4-7

I’m seeking truth and running for home.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we consider how we relate to God and some of the ways we might have been affected by our experiences and past beliefs.  As we surrender these to the truth that God reveals to us in His word, may we find we come running home to him embracing sonship.

Jessica :)

 

P.S.  Thank you to my mother-in-law, Linda Holmes, for letting me use the photo she snapped while I was scrubbing down the tub in the bathroom :)

A Quick Prayer

Prayer seems to be on my mind.  Whether it was the conversation about politics that began this or the awareness that I will be talking about prayer in a month with a young adults group, I am not sure.  Whatever the reason, this post is one of a number of prayer experiences I will be sharing with you over the next month or so.  I'm praying that you will be encouraged and maybe even challenged by it.  I still am.

She called as I was sitting in the car reading a book outside the gym. 

My friend, called to find out how the move went.  I told her we had just spent our first night in our new home.  I shared how there was still so much to be done.  She asked how Jason and I were doing, asking how she could pray.  I shared a few things close to my heart—preparing to share with the young adults group, the jitters that come from new people and places (excited as I am about Allume), as well as a few other things.

Then, she asked me, “Would you mind if we just stopped to pray, right now?”

“I would love that,” I answered.

So she prayed.  In my heart, peace fell across each care as she lifted her voice—joyous and thankful and delighted—like a song as she talked to God about every concern.

When she finished, she said, “I’m going to let you go now.  Take care.  We love you both.”

I thanked her and wished her a wonderful evening.

After she hung up, I looked at my phone.  It had been ten minutes—ten minutes of being known and cared for and loved as Jason and I were lifted before the Lord. 

It was a blessing.

In the moment, I was reminded that prayer is a wonderful opportunity to bless others. 

As we pray, we can begin to love others.  We can encourage and listen and lift them before the Lord.  I want to do more of that in my friendships.

 Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we pray and are prayed for by friends.  May we bless and be blessed, love and be loved. 

Jessica :)

The Good Way

Last week I picked up the “Who & What of Elections” guide from the library.  I wanted to begin becoming informed as a voter about the candidates and the issues that I will be asked to vote on in a few weeks. 

As I began reading the guide over breakfast, I was disappointed to discover there was not much helpful information for me about the candidates.  Whether it was the questions that were asked or the political responses that were a lot of fluff with little substance I found myself thinking that I needed more information.  I do plan to seek that out in the next few weeks. 

However, it leaves me wondering.  What is a person to do when they try to become informed and feel like they still do not have a good grasp of who they are voting for or what they are voting about?  How do we wade through all the campaign advertisements—negative or positive?  How do we see through the colored lenses of these things clearly?

Yesterday, I was finishing up the book Prayer: Finding the Hearts True Home by Richard Foster when I came across some words that resonated with me.

“We must turn a deaf ear to media caricatures and prayerfully discern the way of Christ amid the complex issues of our day.”

There are so many complex issues in the midst of this election cycle. 

In the midst of this, I do not believe there is one party or one candidate that represents the way of Christ in all of them. 

This makes me pause and consider each issue and each candidate with fresh eyes.  It makes me come to God in prayer. 

When I hear people firing off statistics and arguing in the middle of debates and advertisements, I am challenged to seek out more information and to not just go with what my emotions are telling me.  I am challenged to prayerfully consider what I find.

I am finding that I am trying to prayerfully listen and consider issues, leaving the way that our culture and the different media sources would like to shape the arguments behind. 

How might politics be different in our country if we operated in this way?  How might the way we engage in politics, in our own life, be different if we operated in this way?

“This is what the LORD says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”   Jeremiah 6:16

As it gets closer to Election Day, I challenge you to keep this in mind as you consider how you will vote.

Let’s move into this election prayerfully.

And whatever happens in the midst of them, may we lift up our country in the weeks and months and years to come, confident that God listens to the prayers of His people and works in the midst of them to bring change.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we submit our beliefs to the God that asks us to put our trust in Him.

Jessica :)

P.S.  Thank you to Jason for this wonderful photo from when we were at the USS Constitution awhile back :)