Heart Cries and His Responses

Another prayer story close to my heart.  Prayer is relationship with God.  We pour out the cries of our hearts and God changes us through it.  This is a story of how I cried out and God met me this weekend as I was at Allume.  I wonder where are you calling out and where God might be trying to meet you in ways you didn't expect.

***

This weekend I attended Allume. 

I left, Thursday, unsure of why I was going and what God would do in the midst of this bloggers conference.

Sunday, I returned home with my wonderings satisfied.

In between, was a lot of silliness, good conversation, learning, and blessed moments. 

It was toward the end of the newbie meet up.  I was standing on the edge of the hotel lobby, in a group that was conversing around me, lost in the middle of the loud din that hundreds of women talking around hard surfaces cannot help but make.  I began to zone out in all the noise wondering inside, “God what do you have for me here?”  

Silence seemed to follow the cry of my heart. 

I went through the rest of the evening overwhelmed and tired, finally heading back to my hotel room to sleep.

It was early Friday morning when I woke, unable to fall back to sleep.  I lay in bed trying to sleep and instead tossed over the words that crossed my mind.  They were words from Crossroads, a week ago, and Phil Vischer and Sarah Mae, the night before. 

The longer I wrestled with the thoughts and the more the ideas rose, I began to sense that God was answering my prayer in a very tangible way.  In this realization, I began to tuck away the ideas that were surfacing and was able to fall back to sleep for a few more hours before breakfast.

The themes that I became aware of in the wee hours of the morning continued to jump out at me in the sessions all through the weekend:

Where is your identity, Jessica?  What is most important to you in all of this?  Is it Me?

Where are the priorities in your life, Jessica?  Are they in finishing your next post or in loving the neighbor who is next to you in real life? 

I found God saying “I need to be most important.  And if you go through the day and find yourself drifting, drift towards real life not a virtual one.”

Over and over again, as speakers spoke, this was the message I needed to hear.

I have been taking these thoughts to heart and plan to be making a few changes around the way I blog. 

So, if you find that I’m not posting quite as regularly as I have been, know that I’m probably investing in the real life relationships around me—the new neighbors I have, family, friends, and our Crossroads community.  Know that I’m probably investing more quality time in my relationship with God.  Know that I am enjoying the gifts that He has given me in different ways, like enjoying writing for writing’s sake not just to get something posted tomorrow.  Know that I may just need to use my energy differently as change in life and my family is happening.

I still plan to share here in this space.  There has been much good that has come from obedience in beginning A Becoming Life.  For this reason, I believe by heeding God’s voice much good will happen in this time too, both on the blog and in real life too.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we pursue God in wonder.  May we discover when we come to Him longing to see Him work it may happen in unexpected ways.  May we respond in obedience trusting that His way and His call is truly best.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photos are from the Allume photobooth with my friends from Hearts Undaunted and Favored One. 

A Quick Prayer

Prayer seems to be on my mind.  Whether it was the conversation about politics that began this or the awareness that I will be talking about prayer in a month with a young adults group, I am not sure.  Whatever the reason, this post is one of a number of prayer experiences I will be sharing with you over the next month or so.  I'm praying that you will be encouraged and maybe even challenged by it.  I still am.

She called as I was sitting in the car reading a book outside the gym. 

My friend, called to find out how the move went.  I told her we had just spent our first night in our new home.  I shared how there was still so much to be done.  She asked how Jason and I were doing, asking how she could pray.  I shared a few things close to my heart—preparing to share with the young adults group, the jitters that come from new people and places (excited as I am about Allume), as well as a few other things.

Then, she asked me, “Would you mind if we just stopped to pray, right now?”

“I would love that,” I answered.

So she prayed.  In my heart, peace fell across each care as she lifted her voice—joyous and thankful and delighted—like a song as she talked to God about every concern.

When she finished, she said, “I’m going to let you go now.  Take care.  We love you both.”

I thanked her and wished her a wonderful evening.

After she hung up, I looked at my phone.  It had been ten minutes—ten minutes of being known and cared for and loved as Jason and I were lifted before the Lord. 

It was a blessing.

In the moment, I was reminded that prayer is a wonderful opportunity to bless others. 

As we pray, we can begin to love others.  We can encourage and listen and lift them before the Lord.  I want to do more of that in my friendships.

 Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we pray and are prayed for by friends.  May we bless and be blessed, love and be loved. 

Jessica :)

Imitating Jesus in Community

On Thursdays, I have been sharing a little bit about what I have been learning as I read through 1 John.

Recently, we began a section in 1 John that explores the idea of identity.  John identifies that some are children of God and others are children of the devil.  Key to identifying either has to do with their conduct and relationship to sin.

“Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray.  The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous.  The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning.  The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work.  Those who are born of God will not continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.  This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are:  Those who do not do what is right are not God’s children; nor are those who do not love their brothers and sisters.” 1 John 3:7-10 TNIV

John says a lot in these four verses.  As I read through each verse, a different thought or question came to mind about what it looks like to receive or respond to his words.

What stands out to me in verse 7 is what the Voice describes in its translation “The one doing the right thing is just imitating Jesus, the Righteous One.”  The one doing the right thing abides. 

It makes me pause to consider the relationships I have.  Am I surrounded by the kinds of people who do the right thing?  Will they encourage me to do the right thing? 

This is what I want in friendship.  This is the kind of friend I want to be. 

I do have these kinds of relationships with my husband and with my closest friends.  I am thankful for this.  I want to commit to continuing to live this way, mindful of it.

As I look at verse 8, I notice the contrast John makes between the devil and Jesus.  The devil has been sinning from the beginning.  The word beginning has to do with “the origin or the active cause of a person or thing” (VINE’S Expository Dictionary).   The devil is about sin.  Those who do what is sinful are aligned with the devil.  On the other side, you have Jesus appearing to destroy the work of the devil—to destroy sin.  He himself is righteous. 

The two are very much opposed to one another. 

I marvel at the idea of righteousness. “It is a state of being right or of right conduct.  It is said of God designating perfect agreement between His nature and His actions.  It is a standard for all men” (VINE’S Expository Dictionary). 

On the other side, sin is not the opposite of this righteousness.  Instead, it is a picture of “missing the mark.”  It is the idea of distorting that which was meant to be good.  It is just all wrong.  Things are not as they should be.  The active cause of the devil is sin—missing the mark.

To me, this verse really sets up the ideas within verses 9 and 10—a contrast between those who are children of God or children of the devil.  This is where I can begin to identify myself with one category or the other.  I am a child who lives righteously or I live as a child who misses the mark.

I like the way the Voice translates this.

“Everyone who has been born into God’s family avoids sin as a lifestyle because the genes of God’s children come from God Himself.  Therefore, a child of God can’t live a life of persistent sin.  So it is not hard to figure out who are the children of God and who are the children of the diabolical one:  those who lack right standing and those who don’t show love for one another do not belong to God.”

It makes me think about how I approach sin in my life.  Do I allow sinful habits to form?  Or am I repentant and seeking accountability for my actions when I struggle? 

As a child of God, with God’s “seed” remaining or abiding in me, I will be in the latter category.  Any other response is an indicator that I have never really been born of God. 

An honest response to these thoughts should not scare me; instead, it should help me honestly consider what God desires and what I want my response to Him to be. 

I want to be in right standing.  I want to leave a sinful lifestyle behind. 

This is a good place to be. 

I think about Andy Stanley’s Community study.  In it, he talks about commitment and conviction and how they can be in the right place and we can still fail to live up to them.  He talks about the need for community to step in and remind us of these things and help us when we struggle. 

He writes, “You can deceive yourself, but if there are people who know what’s going on in your life, you can’t deceive them as easily.  Self-deception is a powerful force but it loses its power in community. […]  Too many good people have drifted horribly because there was no one in their lives to help keep them on course.  It can happen to any of us” (33-34).

I need to make choices to surround myself with people who will help me—brothers and sisters who are seeking the same things.  I need to surround myself with friends who will encourage me in doing the right things.  I need friends who will help me to imitate Christ.

When we live in the midst of community who supports us, as we pursue Christ, we will not be led astray.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we pursue Christ, surrounding ourselves with community that will support us and hold us accountable.  May we find that we become more like Christ and that our friends do as well.

Jessica :)

The Body in Prayer

Prayer seems to be on my mind.  Whether it was the conversation about politics that began this or the awareness that I will be talking about prayer in a month with a young adults group, I am not sure.  Whatever the reason, this post is one of a number of prayer experiences I will be sharing with you over the next month or so.  I'm praying that you will be encouraged and maybe even challenged by it.  I still am.

***

I slip into the CSM, a few minutes late, and pull out my catch-all notebook and the green pen. 

She is talking about the Holy Spirit tabernacling inside of us, teaching about Ephesians 1 and the “great power of those who believe.” She is talking about the power of prayer by weaving together a number of concepts about opening our hearts to the Spirit of God. 

As I listen, I know that this woman practices what she preaches. 

I heard her pray on Sunday, during worship and she is a vessel of God’s power in prayer.  When she lifted up her voice, in blessing and petition, the energy was palpable.  I was drawn in by the power of her simple prayer and toward the heart of God.  When they announced that she and her South African team would be leading three days of prayer in the morning, I was determined to go. 

Now I am here, listening and gleaning from her wisdom. 

She talks about how prayer is like a radio tuner.  We have to find the right frequency—to tune in and listen to what God wants to say to us.  Prayer is just as much about listening for the voice of God as it is about talking to him.

We listen so that we can pray in spirit and in truth.

We pray in line with the word of God.

She invites all of us who have gathered to form groups of four or five; and for a South African to join each group.  We are going to pray together for leaders. 

I find a few women nearby and we make a colorful bunch.  We are a group of women all of different ages, colors and countries of origin.  I am delighted.

We begin to pray, one woman at a time, for leaders in the church, of the country, for parents and businesses.  We murmur in assent as we voice our cries to God and I stay quiet listening for the Spirit.  Our South African sister begins to pray.  She starts slow.  Yet, her prayer is fervent and powerful.  It is sure.  There is assurance that what is asked will be heard, and because it is in line with Scripture and seeking the kingdom of God there is a realization that these prayers will be answered. 

As I listen to her, I realize that we Americans have been praying sincere and calm.  Yet, our requests almost seem timid next to hers.  However, by her words she lifts up the body of our prayer in a way that leads and guides and teaches in a gentle and confident manner.  She leads and we learn.

Our group begins to pray with more authority.  I hear it in our voices and I am surprised.  Our prayer is building as we listen for the Spirit and lift up our prayers.  We go back and forth from one woman to another, like a beautiful dance.  The words trickle from our lips in a song of praise and petition.  We are experiencing the “great power of the those who believe.”  Inside my heart, I am surprised to find that I am atremble with joy, or the spirit, or maybe just the cold of the ever-chilly Crossroads air-conditioning.  I’m not quite sure.  I just know that it is beautiful.

Our prayer comes to a close, as our voices quiet. 

Across the room, one of the South Africans lifts up a joyous tune of praise.  I listen as one-by-one the others join in a song of a different language.  The shared song of these people knits together each group that has been praying, including my own, into one body.  The beautiful harmony of praise is one that my voice could not possibly utter, but the language is one that my spirit joins in singing now. 

We are a family of God from around the world and my heart swells in joyful awe. 

I am almost sure of it.  This is one of those special moments, a taste of what it will be like before the throne, singing praise to a holy God.

"Is anyone among you in trouble?  Let them pray.  Is anyone happy?  Let them sing songs of praise."  James 5: 13 

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we practice prayer together with other believers.  May we find ourselves learning from those whose prayer muscles are strong.  May we find that we become united in heart by opening our hearts together, to listen and respond, to a good God.  May we experience the joyful hearts of praise and leave refreshed by Him.

Jessica :)

Fruit of Authenticity

I am sitting in the center of the canoe, holding a camera, as Jason and a Park Ranger paddle us across Black Bay toward a spot where we may have a chance to see a patch of wild rice.  I look for the picturesque moments, while the two men talk of all the things you talk about when you don’t know someone—where you grew up, what you do and how you got there.  I listen.

They talk about the National Parks and I chime in as Jason asks me to help recall the places we have visited.  Sometime after this, the ranger asks us what our parents do.  As Jason tells about his parents and the retreat center they direct in retirement, I begin to consider how to respond.

When I am asked about my parents, I often wonder how much to tell.  I tend to think people believe this is a safe question for casual conversation, but my parents’ story is not a normal one.  Inwardly, my stomach knots up as I decide to take the direct and uncomfortable approach.  I almost always do.  It is my story and to tell anything less is not being really authentic.

I wait until Jason’s voice comes to a stop before I speak up.  I tell of how my mom is a retired nurse and how my dad is in prison. 

For a moment after I speak, there is silence.  I am not surprised by this.  It usually takes people a moment to take it in, because prison is never something people expect to hear.  This is always the hardest part of the telling for me—getting it out there and wondering how the person who is listening will respond?  It is a little like dying.  I have to let go, not knowing what the results might be.

The ranger says that he is sorry.  It must be very hard.

I acknowledge this.  It is hard. 

But I tell him, there is so much good that has come from all that has happened.  I talk of how my dad’s life has been changed by God. 

I tell of how he began walking away from God in my early high school years.  I tell of how he left my mother in my junior year of high school.  I tell of the emotional distance that grew, year after year.  I don’t tell of what happened to my dad for him to be arrested and charged with six felonies.  It is a long story, so I only say that he did some of what he was charged with, but probably not all.  It is hard to know since he doesn’t remember much of that day. 

I tell of the prescription drug coma that he recovered from over the course of a month as he was taken of all the medications his psychiatrist had him taking for depression, anxiety, sleep, and a few other things.  I tell how it is after this they discover he had bi-polar, not at all treated by the medications he had been on; instead his medication likely made him worse. 

I tell of how my dad tried to do the right thing by working with the prosecution.  I tell of how they told him they would not push for the maximum sentence.  So, he agreed to plead guilty, which meant he did not go to trial.  Then, the prosecution pursued the maximum anyway.  I tell how the judge gave him the maximum, despite a court psychologist who wrote on his behalf for release and counseling.  I tell of his twenty-five year sentence without parole, because of the way the judge wrote the sentence—this for a man who had no previous record.  This is the difficult part of his story.

I pause because of some static on the radio.  After it stops, the ranger voices his surprise and his interest.  I continue to share.

I tell the beautiful part of my dad’s story too—one of grace.  I tell of how my parents have reconciled.  They are friends and in love—in a way they never were when I was growing up.  I tell of how my dad has drawn close to God and lives with such joy now, even in such a place as prison.  I tell of how he has softened in a way that has made his good qualities better and the change that continues to transform a proud man into a humble one.  I tell of how inmates respect him and come to ask him questions and talk to him about God.  I tell of how proud I am of who he is becoming. 

Jason agrees with me and tells of his own experiences of my dad as he knew him while we were dating and the change he has witnessed since he has been incarcerated.  He says he is like a totally different person.

As we marvel about his transformation the ranger sits quietly, listening closely.  He responds a little tentatively by saying how he is speaking for himself as a man, not as a park employee, when he says he is encouraged to hear my dad’s story.  He says that we sound like we are people of faith and asks us a little bit about our own faith stories.

I am delighted; because as we continue to talk the ranger begins to share about his own relationship with Christ.  He tells of how it was two years ago in this same park that his life began to change.  He tells of how his church and a group of men from Chi Alpha provided community and encouraged him to grow.  He tells us how he has come a long way—from a man who lived an impure life to a man who seeks to honor God with his life. 

Jason and I share how delighted we are that the ranger would share his story with us.  It never gets old, hearing the way lives change when a person encounters Jesus.  We talk about the challenges and the joys of discipleship.  We listen and encourage one another.  We speak blessing.

We paddle along exploring wild rice, listening to the rush of cormorant wings flapping overhead, watching an osprey circling, and hearing the distant call of a loon—we enjoy God’s creation and we enjoy fellowship that happens so naturally in the presence of believers—each moment of it blessing.

I tuck away this vacation memory, the fruit of authenticity. 

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we share the story God has given us.  May we find that people are drawn to Him in the midst of our authenticity.  As we die to ourselves may we find that we have true life in Christ.

Jessica :)

A Human Family Reunion

William Ury sits perched on the edge of his seat.

As he talks with one of the Summit facilitators, I listen closely to what he has to say.  I can’t help it.  His energy and passion for conflict resolution is so engaging.  He calls the point we are at in history “the moment of the human family reunion” and describes how we must learn to live with one another. 

Ury talks about his role in major negotiations for peace around the world; and I can tell he loves his work.  He tells a story about how he chose not to react to a frustrated Hugo Chavez who was yelling in his face for thirty minutes, in the midst of negotiations with his opponents, just prior to Christmas in 2002.  There was only so long Chavez could carry on his rant; and once he reached the end of it, he was quiet and then asked Ury what he should do.  I am rather impressed at the calm he describes. 

He offers the idea that the biggest obstacle in conflict is me.  I think about it.  Isn’t it when I am being stubborn or focusing on my own injured feelings or just plain angry that I can’t begin to think about having an adult conversation in the midst of conflict?  Ury invites us to “go to the balcony”— to get some perspective and separate from the problem.  Yes.  I’ve practiced this a few times and it always goes better than those times I just can’t seem to choose it. 

As Ury talks, I file away these nuggets to remember the next time my feelings are injured or my husband comes to me with a problem we need to work out. 

We near the end of his allotted speaking time when the facilitator asks about Israel and Palestine.  He wonders if there can ever be peace between these peoples, asking Ury for some perspective.  He says something profound that I have been pondering ever since:

“Some conflicts are so difficult they can only be healed by a story.”

Could it be as simple a solution as that? 

The part of me that knows the way my own faith has deepened because of training in God’s story relaxes into this idea.  This makes perfect sense to me. 

When we believe a story we live it.

I know what it is to train in a story, to believe something more fully—to go from head knowledge to practiced knowledge of the heart. 

As I trained in God’s story this spring, I came to a better understanding that God wants us to trust Him.  A healthy relationship is built on trust; and choice is the laboratory for trust.  When a choice is made, trust is either kept or broken.  In the garden, the tree of knowledge of good and evil was the vehicle around which trust would develop.  Adam and Eve were invited by their Creator to trust him and choose loving obedience and relationship by not eating from it.  When man chose not to trust we were separated from God; and our relationship with Him was broken.

Yet, it is through a shared story with man, God redeems us and restores our relationship to Him. 

Sandra L. Richter describes the story succinctly,

“In Eden all humanity was welcomed into relationship with God, with the Fall, that relationship was broken.  With Noah, one man and his immediate family reenter God’s plan.  With Abraham, an extended family that eventually becomes a tribal confederacy is welcomed home.  With Moses, an entire nation experiences the grace of God.  Finally with Jesus, as in Eden, every son of Adam and daughter of Eve is offered the opportunity for relationship with their Creator” (Epic of Eden, p.133).

 

For me, understanding this idea of trust led to practical applications in one of my family relationships.  I realized that in order for there to be a real relationship with this person, they would need the opportunity to choose it.  This meant having some conversations about boundaries with others in my family to allow for the possibility.  It also meant doing something that was hard to do, for the possibility of something better. 

Believing God’s story changed me.  It continues to change me.  Because of this, I suppose, I shouldn’t be surprised that story might change others too.

Ury describes the tradition of hospitality and kindness to one another that is rooted in a common ancestor for Israelis and Palestinians—Abraham.  He talks of a need to build a new story that is rooted in an old one.

It makes me wonder. 

Is it possible to begin weaving our lives together from a common place—like a shared ancestor, Abraham—and find reconciliation by creating something new together that honors both the Israelis and Palestinians?

Could it be possible that it is through being shaped by God’s story, which we all share, that we will find reconciliation? 

Paul wrote a letter to the Galatians saying, “In Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed and heirs according to the promise.” Galatians 3:26-29

Is it possible that by finding our identity as God’s children we will care about the well being of our brothers and sisters and seek peace with them? 

Is that the kind of story powerful enough to bring people together?

I think so.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we experience the reconciliation that comes through God’s story.  As we train in His story may we be changed by it in ways that leave us ever speaking of His goodness.  May we be the kind of people who allow God to work in us to pursue reconciliation in our own broken relationships.  May we share of the availability of His reconciliation for all.

Jessica :)

Offer Community

I’m looking forward to a visit with my dad today.

He is so changed from who he once was that I marvel at the transformation that God can do in a life.

Sure.  I catch glimpses in my own life.  Of the way He has brought freedom.  Joy.  Friendship.

But in my dad, I see the prodigal come home.

And it is so good.

I’m looking forward to talking about his last letter. 

Of speaking the truth.  Of responding in love.

I’m looking forward to watching the weight fall from his shoulders.

As he receives grace. 

He’s not known much of that in his life. 

And it has been hard for him to trust.

But he’s learning.

I’m rejoicing, because I get the chance to offer community.  If only for a few hours.

And I’m thankful for those who have taught me what that means.

Grace.  Truth.  Love.

Community.

All this, in Christ.

***

Have you experienced these things?  I pray that you have.  I pray that you will.  And I pray that you would have eyes to see the people who are hungry to know what you know... 

It is good to trust.  That love is worth the risk.

When we don't trust, we walk alone.  All the time with this craving deep inside.

Grace.  Truth.  Love.  Friendship. 

God has made us for this.  And we have the perfect example of this in Jesus, God’s Son.

 ^"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."  John 1:14 TNIV

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we gather around the hurting and speak tenderly to them of the goodness of God.  May we offer community full of the grace and truth and love of God.

Jessica :)