"Welcome to the Chart Room"

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  Recently, I spent some time going through the BRAVE experience at CityLink Center.  This interactive prayer experience was one that provided some hands on tools to further explore the places in which God has been calling us as individuals to be brave.

***

I walk into the Chart Room not knowing what to expect. 

I am met by two huge wooden tables that look as though they have maps on them underneath a sheet of glass.  They are surrounded by well lit alcoves filled with messages inviting me to chart out a course. 

The track playing through the headphones I am wearing tells me to look for the message that connects with my heading.

My heading during this BRAVE journey has been: “Find a woman of peace.” 

I landed on this after reviewing a few things the BRAVE app pulled up for me to consider—where I want to be less stressed, where I need change, something I want to do, and looking at my “next spiritual step.”  It was this last area that really drew my attention, since all of these other items felt like areas where I have actively been make changes in my life recently. 

In looking at the spiritual progression—from seeking truth, to receiving Jesus, to focusing on obedience—I really am at the place where these are a part of my story, but I need to step towards replicating my faith in others.  This is something that I have been open to for a long time; and in some ways I think this happens on some level in snippets with many people I meet daily.  I am a teacher and love to share the things I am learning.  I also have the privilege of doing this daily with my Little Love.  However, I am constantly challenged by the stories I hear of others in our community at Crossroads who are actively and intentionally moving with a purpose to disciple others in their lives, encouraging and guiding them along as they seek Jesus in the midst of their life in a more disciplined and regular way. 

I don’t know how pursue this, really.  It doesn’t seem like something I can make happen.  So in some ways this brave challenge seemed to be the one that would require me to trust God to act most.  In the end, that is why I picked this heading. 

Truthfully, it feels risky to me, because I see no way of accomplishing all this on my own. 

However, after too many times of failing, I have learned that when I build up plans in my own way, they fall far short of what I hope for or expect.  God’s way is always better.  I sense that God has been in the midst of the formation of this heading, but nothing in my life at the moment really seems to suggest that this can be accomplished.  Certainly not in six weeks. 

Yet, I’m choosing to follow.  That’s what it is to be obedient, right?  I think of the disciples.   Jesus often asked them to go and do things that probably seemed a bit odd to them.  Yet,they followed and discovered things just as he told them they would be.  I wonder what I will find.

When I am asked to sum all this thinking up in six words or less, I remembered a phrase I have heard used around Crossroads to describe the way they encourage discipleship—“find a person of peace.” 

This phrase was meant to refer to the passage where Jesus sends out his twelve disciples in Matthew: 

^“ Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave.  As you enter the home, give it your greeting.  If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.  If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”  -Matthew 10:11-14, NIV

It is a phrase to express that our time is best spent sharing the good news and fostering growth in someone who is a willing recipient.  This person is a “person of peace.” 

I have all this in mind as I set my heading.  “Find a woman of peace.” 

I think about all of this in the Chart Room as I look around in these nooks trying to find a message that speaks to me. 

It is the sign that says   “I AM THE AUTHOR OF PEACE” that I keep coming back to.

There is something in this proclamation of God’s character makes me pause. 

I grab a brochure and sit down to consider this.

I am struck by the idea that in this journey to “find a woman of peace” it is God who is the author of peace.  He wants to bring His peace to my life.  I am also amazed by the thought that just as He brings His peace into my life I can trust He will prepare a person of peace for me; and as I consider this, I begin to think that perhaps this journey to find a woman of peace is not primarily an external thing.  I didn’t see that coming! 

As I Set Sail I am aware of God’s love for me.  I am aware of his provision.  I am aware that He wants my good, as I seek him and desire to be part of His vision, where disciples reproduce.  He wants me to be a woman of peace.

I step into the Storm Room and take a seat on steps.   I watch as people walk out on the water.  Like Peter, when Jesus says, “Come,” these people step out in faith.  The waves are churning and still they go.  I spy a spot high up and walk across the waters where I find a place to rest on the edge of a wave.

I sit and think about the storms that have been raging in me during this BRAVE journey.  Fear is something I have battled again and again in my life.  This time fear comes in the form of a full life.  How does this challenge fit into it?  I am not sure I see that yet.  I am afraid of being overwhelmed.  Yet, I realize, Jesus knows my capacity better than I do. 

I keep coming back to that chart room message: “I am the author of peace.”

All I can think is that God will take care of finding a woman of peace.  He wants me to concentrate on the internal journey of finding my peace in Christ.

With this revelation I move into the sanctuary.

I move through in the sand up to the front and find a spot to sit on a wooden bench.

I sit and listen to the music.

I lift up praise.

I thank God for speaking to me.

It is good to rest here in His presence.

In His presence I find peace.

As the minutes pass and I finally stand to leave.  I leave knowing that I do not go alone.

The peace of Christ goes with me.  He is with me wherever I go.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  -John 14:27 NIV

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek Christ and step boldly into the plans He has laid out for us—especially when they seem bigger than we can handle.  May we find that He is the peace in the midst of the stormy places.  May we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.  May we discover that He never leaves us or forsakes us.  May we come to know His faithfulness anew.

Jessica :)


A big thank you to my dear husband for capturing some photos of the prayer experience for me.  It wasn't until long after I returned I wished I had thought to pull out my camera!

Of Strong Ankles, Fullness of Life, and His Perfect Way

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  This week I spent some time meditating as a part of a group work challenge.  There were two other options that probably would have stretched me in terms of experience a little bit more, but I didn’t have time to do them before the first of my groups met on Tuesday morning.  So I went with a practice that I enjoy and practice more regularly than the other options presented. 

***

The instructions are to pick up to five passages from a list of about ten.  I begin looking at the list and quickly find myself reciting most of the Scriptures based only on their location.  I come to the last one Psalm 18:30-36.  I am not familiar with this passage at all.  I think to myself, “I guess this is the one I’ll use.”  To be honest, I am feeling a bit obstinate and based on the other passages in the mix I have no clue how this Psalm could possibly relate to me and the area of my life God has been inviting me to be BRAVE in. 

I grab my Bible, open it up and began to read.

“As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.”

                                                -Psalm18:30-36 (NIV)

It is when I reach this last verse that I stop in wonder: “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.” 

God gently reaches down into my proud and skeptical heart and sets me straight.

In that one line he reminds me of what he has done in my life and what he wants to do as I trust him right now.

Once upon a time, my left ankle gave out again and again.  Three times in six months when I was a sophomore in high school; again in my senior year; and then four years later as I was looking forward to a honeymoon full of hiking.  With several of the sprains, including the last one, nothing happened to jar my ankle. I took a step or shifted my weight and it just gave way.

It was a time when I was so fearful.  After the last sprain, I remember wearing my air cast weeks after the six weeks it was to be worn were over.  I didn’t want to be using crutches on my wedding day.  I worried over the hiking that Jason and I would be doing—would my ankle just roll while were out?  The image of feeling of my ankle collapsing, the icky sound and the pain played over and over again in my mind.  It was awful. 

Now, in this moment God is reminding me of that time in my life. 

He is reminding me of how He met me there and healed me.  Through a time of unexpected prayer for healing He gave me back my ankle. 

I remember how for months afterwards, I had a hard time leaving that image behind me.  I didn’t know what healing looked like.  I kept wondering if it would be the next hike or simply walking down the sidewalk that my ankle would roll.  Even now, if I let myself, I can still hear the sound, picture the rolling, and feel the pain.  The memory is one full of fear.

It has only been trusting God’s healing one day at a time that has brought me to a new place, a better place, a freer place.  I walk with my family and speak praise when my ankle begins to roll and instead of buckling it corrects and holds strong.  Instead of walking in fear, I walk in His power.

In this moment I am wowed.  I reminded of all he has done for me.  I am led to a place of gratitude.  This is really how God wants me to come to Him and His Word--with praise for what He has done in my life and expecting Him to act in my life right now--ready to receive the His good gifts.  I read the passage again.

At first I see more feet.  “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.”  What agility a deer has!  What beauty can be seen from the heights!  I think of places I have hiked.  The views I have seen.  It is in His perfect way and in His security I stand on those heights.  What new heights might He be leading me to climb?

Then, I notice how He trains me.  “He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”  I imagine what that is like and I feel energized, ready, empowered.

He not only trains, He protects.  “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me.”  I feel upheld in the midst of difficulty.

I read, “Your help has made me great.”  David, who wrote this Psalm recognizes that he is not just surviving.  God is doing something bigger than he could do himself.  God's help has made him great.  I tend to think about how it is God who is great and he is.  But it seems God wants to do great things in us too.  I can’t help but wonder if this is all part of his plan to reveal his glory.  That is a new thought.  He wants me to be great with his help and by his power, not apart from it.  I do not think of myself as great.  What might greatness look like in my life?

Then, those words again!  “You provide a broad path for my feet so that my ankles do not give way.”

For whatever reason, I think about the words of Jesus that say “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”  (Matthew 7:13-14)  What amazes me is that God’s perfect way, this narrow road that leads to life, is broad enough.  It is a sure path.  It is a good path!  This is not about pain or failure or fear.  This is about healing and wholeness and good in my life! 

I look back to the beginning again.  “As for God, his way is perfect:  The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”

And I wonder what it looks like to take refuge in God in the fullness of life anyway.  I sit and consider this for awhile.  As I do words well up.

I wiggle and squirm

With thoughts of dishes and dinner undone.

It is here you invite me to sit

In Your presence. 

{Held}

It is here you remind me

You are

Refuge.

Rock.

Right here in the fullness of my life

Not apart from it.

You are inviting me

into

Your

perfect

way.

The path is wide

So that my ankles will not give way.

I begin to realize that it is in the midst of my full life God wants to remind me of who he is.  It is in the midst of my full life that God wants to lead me to stand on the heights.  It is in the midst of my full life He trains me so that I am energized, equipped, empowered—ready for all He leads me toward.  In the midst of my full life He protects and upholds me.  In the midst of my full life He leads me towards a greatness that reveals His glory.  In the midst of my full life He is leading me towards wholeness, healing and good.  He is my Rock.  He is my refuge and by His power He keeps my way secure.  

I rest in all of this, thankful.

I feel invited to step out into his perfect way, knowing the path is wide so my ankles will not give way.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we allow God to meet us right where we are at—in the fullness of our life—and lead us into his perfect way.  May we learn to step with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The path is wide and our ankles will not give way.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photo was taken during a trip to Canyonlands National Park during the first year we lived in Utah.

Scripture Reads

It is an activity I have often led in leadership trainings and participated in while on retreats. 

Often it is called lectio divina. Yet, tonight as I sit at Last Wednesday, Chuck and Andrea don’t call it that.  Instead, they strip the practice down to its core and call it what it is—listening to God through His Word.

They teach.

He is always speaking through His Word. 

“For the word of God is alive and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  Hebrews 4:12

As we read Scripture, Scripture is reading us, they say.

They challenge.

Do we take time to stop and listen to God in His Word?

They lead.

As an auditorium of many, we stop to practice. 

We read and listen for God to speak.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:23-25

As I read, it stands out to me like words bolded on the page, calling out to my heart: 

“Hold unswervingly to the hope” and “he who promised is faithful.”

In the minutes that follow I am invited to consider what God might be trying to say to me.  I read the passage again and the context provides the key to what I think God is trying to tell me.

I don’t really like it.  This is about my attitude, my bad attitude.  I can hold to it or I can hold unswervingly to my hope trusting that he who promises is faithful.

I sit in the midst of an unwelcome confrontation.  Will I receive what I think God is speaking to me?

At the moment, I think I am very happy with my bad attitude.  Will I let it go?

Chuck challenges us to “share what you think you heard with someone from your tribe and act on it” before we go to bed tonight.  He has already shared that it is often in sharing what we think we hear that we receive confirmation (“Yes that sounds like God based on His Word and character"), correction (“No that’s not God” or further insight), and encouragement.

I am not looking forward to this sharing, but I am determined to do it. 

On my way home, I try to brainstorm ways of avoiding this assignment altogether.  However, in the end, I realize I will either do it or not, with this task there is no half-way.

When Jason asks about Last Wednesday I dodge, preferring to listen to him share why he wasn’t able to come late like he hoped.

We carry on with what is left of our evening—comparing baby items online—until I finally work up the courage to share what I think I heard God say to me.

In this, I pour out what I’m ashamed to admit to him—my bad attitude spilling out real and ugly.  Somehow it seems even uglier when it is out in the open.  I think I’m beginning to recognize this attitude for what it really is—toxic.  When I think of this, I’m not quite so happy with it anymore.  

Still, I hold to it defiantly—waiting. 

I am waiting for the words of correction to painfully whip across my heart. 

Instead, my husband gracefully draws me close and speaks.  Far from stinging censure, his words are gentle, but pointed.  His words bring the perspective I need.  They help me see what I could not see before.  What he says changes everything.  

All at once, I am broken for the way I have been rigid, inflexible and critical.  I have been trying to control this situation and in doing so I have been everything but loving. 

After I take it all in, I turn toward Jason and apologize for how I have made things difficult for him.  The tears trickle as I tell him I want to be a helpful partner in the midst of this situation.  I tell him I want to respond compassionately and live trusting the Faithful One to work out all I hope for in the midst of something I am unable to control.

In the midst of this, he affirms me and gives me encouragement.

I look into his kind eyes and realize that my dread is gone.  The toxins have been drawn out.  I feel free somehow.  I find I am softened at heart and ready to respond to all that God has spoken to me.

I wonder at it all.

I walk upstairs to get ready for bed thankful and lifting up praise for the beginning of His transformation in me.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we listen to God—in His Word—seek counsel from our tribe, and follow where He leads.  May we find that He is good and works for ours.

Jessica :)

The Way Everlasting

It is there. 

It is somewhere in the midst of seeking how He is calling me to surrender that I realize His goodness.

It is in the way He is calling me to create time and space for Him this Lent that I realize that He cares for my every need.

The things He calls me to are not burdensome.  They are freeing. 

For it is out of examine, in this space, they come.

He has been with me here—considering heart and mind.

He has watched as I name the ugly—jealousy, selfishness, and fear.

He has seen me recognize the beautiful—joy, love, and hope.

He has been near as I identify exhaustion.

He is calling me towards freedom.

He says to me, “Jessica, surrender the places of fear and walk courageously beside Me.  Trust Me and watch Me work.”

He says to me, “Jessica, see how exhausted you are?  Make time to rest.  Rest in My presence.”

I receive these words with gratitude.

I am overwhelmed by His love for me. 

And I wonder.  How does he know? 

How does he know just how to meet my every need, in every season of this life?

I think of the Psalm I committed to memory long ago. 

It used to hang in colorful letters, behind glitter, shimmering on my bedroom wall.  

He knows me.

I wrote it so I would remember.

I consider the final words of the Psalm:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Psalm 139:23-24

It is in this remembering these words I realize that Lent is learning to walk in the way everlasting. 

He has searched and tested. 

Now I will let him lead on—to repentance, to wholeness, to an abundantly good life.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we follow God’s leading this Lent.  May we discover the way of Christ is toward repentance, walking in a new way.  May we delight in the freedom it brings as we learn to live an abundant life.

Jessica :)

Step Forward

I would like to issue a challenge here today.

Take some time to consider where God is calling you to take a step forward in trusting Him.

This challenge might look different for you than it does for me. 

You may be invited to draw near to Him by spending time in His Word this week.

You may be challenged to wrestle by considering something you would rather dismiss because it doesn’t fit into the way you think or feel right now.

You may be asked to give something up, to try something new, or to persevere in something you are already doing.

You may be challenged to do something entirely different from these ideas.

This weekend, Jason and I are planning to take a few steps toward knowing and loving neighbors on our street.  We are going to stock a freezer with a few meals for a family who expects the arrival of their first baby in the very near future.  We are also going to follow up with a few neighbors who responded to our gift of cookies in December, by inviting them to dinner and getting the dates on the calendar.

To be honest, these things will push me beyond what I am comfortable doing.  I love people, but I feel awkward in new interactions like these.  Yet, I trust that by being obedient and walking forward in these simple ways that we will find the way to building community and sharing the love of Christ with others. 

I’d love to hear from you.  How are you stepping forward in trust?

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we take steps toward trusting God.  As we do may we find that we take steps toward Him that we are transformed in ways we could not have imagined.

Jessica :)

P.S.  I will be posting something special Wednesday.  A Becoming Life will become an Ash Wednesday Prayer Space.  We will have the chance to begin the Lenten season well by pausing to converse with God using a few activities that can be as interactive as you let them be.  Grab a journal, a black marker, a couple pleasing slips of paper of your choice, and an object that is beautiful or pleasing to you.  Then come on Wednesday ready to talk with God.  I’m looking forward to it!  I hope you will be too. 

Heart Cries and His Responses

Another prayer story close to my heart.  Prayer is relationship with God.  We pour out the cries of our hearts and God changes us through it.  This is a story of how I cried out and God met me this weekend as I was at Allume.  I wonder where are you calling out and where God might be trying to meet you in ways you didn't expect.

***

This weekend I attended Allume. 

I left, Thursday, unsure of why I was going and what God would do in the midst of this bloggers conference.

Sunday, I returned home with my wonderings satisfied.

In between, was a lot of silliness, good conversation, learning, and blessed moments. 

It was toward the end of the newbie meet up.  I was standing on the edge of the hotel lobby, in a group that was conversing around me, lost in the middle of the loud din that hundreds of women talking around hard surfaces cannot help but make.  I began to zone out in all the noise wondering inside, “God what do you have for me here?”  

Silence seemed to follow the cry of my heart. 

I went through the rest of the evening overwhelmed and tired, finally heading back to my hotel room to sleep.

It was early Friday morning when I woke, unable to fall back to sleep.  I lay in bed trying to sleep and instead tossed over the words that crossed my mind.  They were words from Crossroads, a week ago, and Phil Vischer and Sarah Mae, the night before. 

The longer I wrestled with the thoughts and the more the ideas rose, I began to sense that God was answering my prayer in a very tangible way.  In this realization, I began to tuck away the ideas that were surfacing and was able to fall back to sleep for a few more hours before breakfast.

The themes that I became aware of in the wee hours of the morning continued to jump out at me in the sessions all through the weekend:

Where is your identity, Jessica?  What is most important to you in all of this?  Is it Me?

Where are the priorities in your life, Jessica?  Are they in finishing your next post or in loving the neighbor who is next to you in real life? 

I found God saying “I need to be most important.  And if you go through the day and find yourself drifting, drift towards real life not a virtual one.”

Over and over again, as speakers spoke, this was the message I needed to hear.

I have been taking these thoughts to heart and plan to be making a few changes around the way I blog. 

So, if you find that I’m not posting quite as regularly as I have been, know that I’m probably investing in the real life relationships around me—the new neighbors I have, family, friends, and our Crossroads community.  Know that I’m probably investing more quality time in my relationship with God.  Know that I am enjoying the gifts that He has given me in different ways, like enjoying writing for writing’s sake not just to get something posted tomorrow.  Know that I may just need to use my energy differently as change in life and my family is happening.

I still plan to share here in this space.  There has been much good that has come from obedience in beginning A Becoming Life.  For this reason, I believe by heeding God’s voice much good will happen in this time too, both on the blog and in real life too.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we pursue God in wonder.  May we discover when we come to Him longing to see Him work it may happen in unexpected ways.  May we respond in obedience trusting that His way and His call is truly best.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photos are from the Allume photobooth with my friends from Hearts Undaunted and Favored One. 

Let It Take Hold

On Thursdays, I have been sharing a little bit about what I have been learning as I read through 1 John.

I have been sharing about a paragraph at a time.  Right now, I am in the middle of writing about a section where John talks about the unity of the body and those who are adversaries of Christ.  A word that keeps coming up again and again as I read and share about this section is “remain.”  The section continues:

“Let the good news, the story you have heard from the beginning of your journey, live in and take hold of you.  If that happens and you focus on the good news, then you will always remain in a relationship with the Son and the Father.  This is what He promised us: eternal life.”  1 John 2:24-25 the Voice

John calls me to let the good news—the life, death and resurrection of Christ—take hold of me.  I am to let it change me.  I am to keep focused on Christ—my heart and my mind set on Him.  This is abiding.  This leads to relationship with the Son and the Father.  This leads to life—eternal life.

John Ortberg writes, “If you want life, you want God. […] You want God more than you know” (41). 

This is true because of what the word for life in the Bible really refers to.  The word for life, in Greek, is zoē.   Zoē is “life as God has it. That which the Father has in Himself and gave to the Incarnate Son [Jesus] to have in Himself and which the Son manifested to the world.” (VINE’S Expository Dictionary).

This is the life that was lost to man in the garden.  This is the life that we long to have course through our bodies now. 

I think about John’s telling of the gospel.  Abundant is the concept of life in connection with Jesus.  In fact, the reason John says he writes is so “that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name” (John 20:31). 

The life that we long for is available to all, in Christ, when we believe. 

Scot McKnight writes that “To believe means more than just mentally agreeing with some truth, even if that truth is that Jesus is Messiah and Lord over all.  The entire sweep of the Story of Israel and the Story of Jesus ushers us into a world where God’s people rely on and trust God, and such a trusting relationship generates a life of obedience, holiness and love” (The King Jesus Gospel, 128).

When I believe, I let the gospel “take hold of [me].”  The result is that I live in relationship with God.  I abide.  And when I abide, I am promised eternal life.

When I take a look at the Greek word for eternal—aiōnios—the idea that I would find eternal life in Christ does not seem too surprising.  Aiōnios is “used of persons and things which are in their nature endless” (VINE’S Expository Dictionary). 

God who is by nature eternal, is full of life that is in its nature endless. 

This is the life that is in Christ. 

I begin to recognize the wisdom in John Ortberg’s words:  “Jesus is the only one with authoritative wisdom about how to live” (The Me I Want To Be, 46). 

Jesus tells me the best way to live is to eat of the bread he offers. 

John tells me to let this good news live in and take hold of me.

Through this, I remain in Him.  Through this, I have eternal life.

I set my focus, once again, on Christ.

I come, ready to abide.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundace as we believe the good news and allow it to take hold of us.  May we find that abiding in His presence is very good and the life He gives is just what our hearts have been longing for all along.

Jessica :)