Of Strong Ankles, Fullness of Life, and His Perfect Way

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  This week I spent some time meditating as a part of a group work challenge.  There were two other options that probably would have stretched me in terms of experience a little bit more, but I didn’t have time to do them before the first of my groups met on Tuesday morning.  So I went with a practice that I enjoy and practice more regularly than the other options presented. 

***

The instructions are to pick up to five passages from a list of about ten.  I begin looking at the list and quickly find myself reciting most of the Scriptures based only on their location.  I come to the last one Psalm 18:30-36.  I am not familiar with this passage at all.  I think to myself, “I guess this is the one I’ll use.”  To be honest, I am feeling a bit obstinate and based on the other passages in the mix I have no clue how this Psalm could possibly relate to me and the area of my life God has been inviting me to be BRAVE in. 

I grab my Bible, open it up and began to read.

“As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.”

                                                -Psalm18:30-36 (NIV)

It is when I reach this last verse that I stop in wonder: “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.” 

God gently reaches down into my proud and skeptical heart and sets me straight.

In that one line he reminds me of what he has done in my life and what he wants to do as I trust him right now.

Once upon a time, my left ankle gave out again and again.  Three times in six months when I was a sophomore in high school; again in my senior year; and then four years later as I was looking forward to a honeymoon full of hiking.  With several of the sprains, including the last one, nothing happened to jar my ankle. I took a step or shifted my weight and it just gave way.

It was a time when I was so fearful.  After the last sprain, I remember wearing my air cast weeks after the six weeks it was to be worn were over.  I didn’t want to be using crutches on my wedding day.  I worried over the hiking that Jason and I would be doing—would my ankle just roll while were out?  The image of feeling of my ankle collapsing, the icky sound and the pain played over and over again in my mind.  It was awful. 

Now, in this moment God is reminding me of that time in my life. 

He is reminding me of how He met me there and healed me.  Through a time of unexpected prayer for healing He gave me back my ankle. 

I remember how for months afterwards, I had a hard time leaving that image behind me.  I didn’t know what healing looked like.  I kept wondering if it would be the next hike or simply walking down the sidewalk that my ankle would roll.  Even now, if I let myself, I can still hear the sound, picture the rolling, and feel the pain.  The memory is one full of fear.

It has only been trusting God’s healing one day at a time that has brought me to a new place, a better place, a freer place.  I walk with my family and speak praise when my ankle begins to roll and instead of buckling it corrects and holds strong.  Instead of walking in fear, I walk in His power.

In this moment I am wowed.  I reminded of all he has done for me.  I am led to a place of gratitude.  This is really how God wants me to come to Him and His Word--with praise for what He has done in my life and expecting Him to act in my life right now--ready to receive the His good gifts.  I read the passage again.

At first I see more feet.  “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.”  What agility a deer has!  What beauty can be seen from the heights!  I think of places I have hiked.  The views I have seen.  It is in His perfect way and in His security I stand on those heights.  What new heights might He be leading me to climb?

Then, I notice how He trains me.  “He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”  I imagine what that is like and I feel energized, ready, empowered.

He not only trains, He protects.  “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me.”  I feel upheld in the midst of difficulty.

I read, “Your help has made me great.”  David, who wrote this Psalm recognizes that he is not just surviving.  God is doing something bigger than he could do himself.  God's help has made him great.  I tend to think about how it is God who is great and he is.  But it seems God wants to do great things in us too.  I can’t help but wonder if this is all part of his plan to reveal his glory.  That is a new thought.  He wants me to be great with his help and by his power, not apart from it.  I do not think of myself as great.  What might greatness look like in my life?

Then, those words again!  “You provide a broad path for my feet so that my ankles do not give way.”

For whatever reason, I think about the words of Jesus that say “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”  (Matthew 7:13-14)  What amazes me is that God’s perfect way, this narrow road that leads to life, is broad enough.  It is a sure path.  It is a good path!  This is not about pain or failure or fear.  This is about healing and wholeness and good in my life! 

I look back to the beginning again.  “As for God, his way is perfect:  The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”

And I wonder what it looks like to take refuge in God in the fullness of life anyway.  I sit and consider this for awhile.  As I do words well up.

I wiggle and squirm

With thoughts of dishes and dinner undone.

It is here you invite me to sit

In Your presence. 

{Held}

It is here you remind me

You are

Refuge.

Rock.

Right here in the fullness of my life

Not apart from it.

You are inviting me

into

Your

perfect

way.

The path is wide

So that my ankles will not give way.

I begin to realize that it is in the midst of my full life God wants to remind me of who he is.  It is in the midst of my full life that God wants to lead me to stand on the heights.  It is in the midst of my full life He trains me so that I am energized, equipped, empowered—ready for all He leads me toward.  In the midst of my full life He protects and upholds me.  In the midst of my full life He leads me towards a greatness that reveals His glory.  In the midst of my full life He is leading me towards wholeness, healing and good.  He is my Rock.  He is my refuge and by His power He keeps my way secure.  

I rest in all of this, thankful.

I feel invited to step out into his perfect way, knowing the path is wide so my ankles will not give way.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we allow God to meet us right where we are at—in the fullness of our life—and lead us into his perfect way.  May we learn to step with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The path is wide and our ankles will not give way.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photo was taken during a trip to Canyonlands National Park during the first year we lived in Utah.

A Week to Review Romans 1

Sometime in mid-February I began the Romans Project. 

I began about a month and a half later than others who are participating in this year long challenge to memorize three chapters in Romans, so I am just getting to what others were during the first week of May. 

After 13 weeks of memorizing, this week begins (for me) a week to review Romans 1.

As I think about the time spent pondering God’s word in this letter of Paul and hiding it in my heart, I realize how rich it has been.  The weeks have all held different blessings—I have drunk in the promises, wrestled with truth, embraced the challenges, and received the grace poured out.

I want to share it with you today.

Read Romans 1.

Notice what captures your attention.  Is it a promise, a truth that is difficult to read, a challenge to embrace, or perhaps a grace to receive? 

Explore your thoughts.  Talk with God about them.  Listen for Him.  What He might have for you to discover about Him?  How He might lead you to respond to Him?

Leave changed and live in the truth you have received. 

***

Romans 1:1-32

Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God—the gospel he promised beforehand through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures regarding his Son, who as to his earthly life was a descendant of David, and who through the Spirit of holiness was appointed the Son of God in power by his resurrection from the dead: Jesus Christ our Lord.

Through him we have received grace and apostleship to call all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith for his name’s sake.  And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.

To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be his holy people: Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.  First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is being reported all over the world.

God, whom I serve in my spirit in preaching the gospel of his Son, is my witness how constantly I remember you in my prayers at all times; and I pray that now at last, by God’s will, the way may be opened for me to come to you.

I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.

I do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, that I planned many times to come to you (but have been prevented from doing so until now), in order that I might have a harvest among you, just as I have had among the other Gentiles.

I am obligated both to Greeks and non-Greeks, both to the wise and the foolish.  That is why am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are in Rome. 

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.  For in the gospel of God the righteousness of God is revealed—a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”

The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Although they claimed to be wise they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 

They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised.  Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts.  Even women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.  Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.

They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.  They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice.  They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have not understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy.

Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to let the Word of God soak into our hearts and take root, as we receive and God to change us.  May we find that in Him we bear fruit that will last.

Jessica :)

P.S. The emphasis in the text is mine.  They are some of the phrases I really thought about.  So many through the last 13 weeks.  The version of Romans 1 is what is used in the Romans Project booklet--NIV or TNIV, I think.

Light A Candle

Prayer seems to be on my mind.  Whether it was the conversation about politics that began this or the awareness that I will be talking about prayer in a month with a young adults group, I am not sure.  Whatever the reason, this post is one of a number of prayer experiences I will be sharing with you over the next month or so.   

***

It was the second week of the Strong Challenge, time to begin a new topic and a new focus for the week. 

The card that introduced the upcoming week read, “When we pray, we open ourselves up to the life-changing conversations with God.  Prayer is meant to be more than an emergency flare to heaven in our times of need—it’s designed for us to connect with God on a real, intimate, everyday basis.  The “Pray” challenges give us a variety of creative ways to spend time in prayer.  Some may be surprising, others may take us outside our comfort zones—but they all point to the rich and life-changing possibilities of daily interaction with God.”

I flipped through the cards and picked a few to spend time with during the week. 

I grabbed one and tucked it away as I grabbed up my laundry and headed out to wash a few loads at my parents-in-law.  

When I arrived, the house was quiet.  It would be perfect for spending some time in prayer.  After putting the laundry into the washer, I placed my Bible and journal on the loveseat and settled in next to them, under a blanket.  I pulled out my challenge card and read.

“Light A Candle.  First, think of a hope you have—big or little, it doesn’t matter.  Write it down in your journal.”

I stopped and wrote down a few cares in my nearby journal. 

I continued to read.

“Then, light a candle, and as you do, share that hope with God in prayer.  Watch the flame and smoke rise up from the candle and envision your prayer rising to God.” 

I ran upstairs to look for a lighter.  I returned a few minutes later, to light the candle sitting on the coffee table in front of my seat.

I lit the candle and watched as the smoke puffed in the place where the flame had touched the wick.

I let my cares rise as the candle flickered. 

I took another look at the challenge card.  It read, “For centuries, lighting a candle has symbolized the offering up of a prayer to God.  The Bible reveals that the prayers of God’s people are precious to him, like a fragrant incense.”

I thought about this for awhile, looking up the Scripture reference, lost in the picture and this moment of prayer.

“And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb.  Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people.” Revelation 5:8

Then, I began to write about the experience.

Lifting hopes high

In the waxy scent of soft vanilla

Of dancing flame.

Prayers carried heavenward

As candle light

Flickers

Wavers

Stretches

High

Of releasing fears

Of dreams for one day

Of health for a dear one.

Each care

A puff of

Fragrant

Incense

Wafting

Into

The

Presence

Of

A

Holy

God.

I paused, content. 

The rise of my prayers on the inside echoing the rise of the candle smoke in front of me. 

I rested there in God’s presence, surrounded by His love, the way the aroma of vanilla filled all the air around me.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we lift our prayers to the Lord.  Whether they are in the form of a lighted candle or the cry of our heart may we know that they rise before Him and take heart.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The Strong Challenge cards were developed by Crossroads.  As you read the quotes the language from them should be credited to their staff.



Set Your Mind

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”  Ephesians 4:22-24 TNIV

Take a moment to read that again. 

Sit with the words and consider the ones that stand out. 

How might you live changed by them?

Take off the old.  Put on the new.  What do you think that looks like?

Move away from deceit.  Move toward righteousness.  Move toward holiness.   Where do you need to do this?

Be made new in the attitude of your mind.  Set your mind.   What do you think this means?

Live changed.  What are some ways you might respond?

***

In The Me I Want To Be, John Ortberg writes:

“There is a fundamental battle in the spiritual life being waged by the Evil One over the nature of the thoughts that run through your mind.  The ultimate freedom that you have, the freedom no one can take away, even in a concentration camp, is the freedom to decide what your mind will dwell on.  I “set my mind” to look for the presence and goodness of God in my life.”

Setting your mind is an intentional way of thinking.

It is a choice that we make each day:  Live intentionally by setting your mind on Christ.  Or live by your mind’s default.

So let’s make the choice.

This week…

Let’s be intentional about what we watch, what we listen to, what we speak, what we choose to expose ourselves to.

Let’s be intentional about the way we think about the situations that we encounter each day—the expected and unexpected.

Let’s be intentional about spending time in Scripture, filling our minds with good things and pondering them.

Let’s be intentional about praying through all that we live through seeking God’s perspective.

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—thing about such things.”  Philippians 4:8

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we set our minds on Christ.  As we seek Him may our minds be filled with the best ways to love and respond to all that rises to meet us this week.

Jessica :)

A Long Obedience

On Thursdays, I’ve been sharing a little bit of what I have been learning as I read through 1 John. 

John has been writing to the believers in Asia Minor, where he served at one time.  He has talked about the message that he proclaimed to them.  He has presented two camps that a person can choose to walk in—darkness apart from God or light with God.  He has talked about sin and forgiveness that comes from Christ, and the way Jesus is our advocate before the Father.

He now begins to talk about love:

“We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands.   Those who say, “I know him,” but do not do what he commands are liars, and the truth is not in them. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.”  1 John 2:3-6 TNIV

It is helpful to understand the meaning of the word “know” in this passage. 

In Greek, the word is ginōskō. 

It means “to be taking in knowledge, to come to understand completely.”  On a deeper level it signifies “a relation between the person knowing and the object known.”  That which is known is valued.  It is also used to convey the idea of connection between a husband and wife (VINES).

When you see "know" here, think relationship and intimacy.

So, if we have a relationship with God, one of value or intimate connection, “we keep his commands.”  And those who say they know him, “but do not do what he commands are liars and the truth is not in them” (v.4).

Does this sound familiar to you?  It does to me. 

Take a look back at John’s language in 1 John 1:5-7.  It is very similar, isn’t it? 

The language contrasts truth and lies.  Here, it does the same. 

The one whose actions match what he says tells the truth.  The one whose actions are inconsistent with what he says is a liar.

If we know God, we keep His commands. 

It sounds so simple.  

Too often, I don’t.  Yet, this is the goal.

I want to live consistent.  I want to live truthful.  I want to live obedient, because it is living in this way that “love for God is truly made complete” in us (v.5).

When I first read this verse, it kept rattling around in my head for days.  It made me consider what obedience looked like moment by moment.  It also kept me praying that God would make His love complete in me.  There was an awareness that what I did mattered.  The choices I made mattered.  They mattered, because they said something about who I was and where my allegiance really was.

There is a post of Shaun Groves’ I read awhile back that quoted from Eugene Peterson’s book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.  The title of the book captured my attention. 

A long obedience in the same direction, isn’t that what we are called to? 

Isn’t that what John is describing here?

 

And isn’t this what Jesus did?  He kept God’s commands.  He lived obedient.  He lived a long obedience in the same direction.

Is it any wonder, then, that John would point to Christ as our example?  “This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did” (v. 6).

Not only is Jesus, God.  He lived, on earth, as man showing us how to live in relationship with God.

He lived obedient. 

And when we live obedient, love for God is truly made complete in us. 

Isn’t that something?  Love is made complete through obedience. 

Yet, let’s be honest, obedience can be difficult. 

It is hard to choose the right thing when what you really want is something different.  Yet, when we’re authentic about how we’re feeling, I think that we can trust that God is doing something in us when we do the right thing, even when we don’t feel like it.

 

In Shaun Groves’ post, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, he shares this Eugene Peterson quote:

 “We think that if we don’t feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it. But the wisdom of God says something different: that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting.”

This life of discipleship takes diligent discipline.

As we persevere we can trust that in our obedience “God’s love is truly taking root and filling us” (1 John 2:5, my adaptation of the Voice). 

And for that we can give thanks. 

*** 

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we live obedient to His commands, whether they be from the words of the Bible or the ones from the Holy Spirit.  May we trust that in living obedient His love is taking root in us and filling us to overflowing.  May we discover that we follow in the steps of Jesus becoming more like him each day as we live a long obedience in the same direction.

Jessica :)

Skeleton Bones

“6:40,” he says across the phone.  I agree that meeting at this time will allow my husband enough time to eat his dinner and walk from the atrium into the auditorium for the Last Wednesday service at 7:00.  It is 5:15 when I hang up.  I'm in the middle of polishing up two pieces for A Becoming Life.  I am in a groove, worshipping in the middle of words.

I look up at 5:45 and grudgingly set aside the computer to whip up a few turkey burgers.  I pull out the onions, cilantro, paprika and other essentials and dump them into the bowl.  I chop the one ingredient I did not prepare earlier in the week, mix it in and form six uniform patties on a cookie sheet lined with foil, and push them into the oven.  I glance at the clock.  It reads 6:10.  Twenty minutes to bake.  At least fifteen minutes, to drive in rush hour and through construction zone traffic.  I begin to panic.

While the burgers bake, I get everything ready to go.  It’s a nice distraction, really.  I prepare dinner to go, for both Jason and myself, since I certainly will not be eating it before I leave.  I clean up the kitchen.  At least there will not be dishes when we get home, I think, grasping at anything to keep my mind off of the sense of failure that is creeping towards me.

As soon as the timer sounds I pull the burgers out and slap them onto their respective buns and make a mad dash out the door.  As I wait for the slow gates to open at the edge of our apartment’s parking lot I pray for green lights and less traffic than usual.  It doesn’t happen.

“I’m running late,” I call through the phone as I sit in a line of cars waiting to turn onto the highway. 

“Oh good.  So am I,” he responds.

I think to myself, you will not be nearly as late as I am and I should have tried going a different direction to bypass this line.  Then, I take a deep breath and say good-bye.

It is 6:55 when I finally pull into the parking lot.  We eat dinner.  We walk toward the building where the words of our worship leader are coming over the loud speakers as we draw near the doors.  He’s praying a prayer about leaving the day behind.  He is trying to still us as we enter the presence of God as a community. 

My heart is just pounding with the hurry that is coursing through my veins.  We are here to worship.  I want to.  That is why we planned to come.  That is why we are here.  And yet, the last thing I feel ready to do is that.  Where did that peace and sense of His presence I felt as I sat tapping away the words go?

I’m agitated at my tardiness and failure to get us fed like I agreed to.  I’m annoyed with my husband who is saying he needs eye drops badly and is asking if I have any.  I just want to find a seat and there don’t seem to be many of those left tonight.  I don’t think pausing to scream would help, though it might if I could just go into the bathroom and cry for a bit.

We finally find a seat on the side where we can’t see real well, just enough.  Jason runs off to find allergy drops around the corner at the Meijer.  I stand and let the music roll over me and listen, because I’m just not in a very worshipful way of being.  Instead of joyous at heart I’m disgruntled and frustrated.  I’m trying to find my way back.

I pause and call out an honest prayer in a whisper. 

“God I’m here, but I’m feeling like I was better doing this worship thing at home.  Something about messing up the schedule for dinner and meeting and rushing has just knocked me out of a place of abiding in Your presence.  I know that you are here.  I know that you were there at home.  I know that you were in all the crazy places in between.  You are so generous with your grace.  I need to receive it.  I need to know that arriving just when I did tonight was okay.  I think I cared about being on time more than You did.  I give all this to you.  Meet me here.” 

I take a few deep breaths and just listen to the words that everyone around me is singing.

“Skeleton bones stand at the sound of eternity

On the lips of the found

So separate those doors

And let the son of resurrection in”

As they come to the end of the chorus our pastor comes out and begins to read from Ezekiel.

The Lord took hold of me, and I was carried away by the Spirit of the Lord to a valley filled with bones.  He led me all around among the bones that covered the valley floor.  They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out.  Then he asked me, “Son of man, can these bones become living people again?”

“O Sovereign Lord,” I replied, “you alone know the answer to that.”

Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord!   This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again!

He explains that the song we’re singing is really describing the way that the Holy Spirit can fill up our dry bones and allow us to really live.  Right here.  Right now.  If we let Him.

This is what I need to hear.  I am these dry bones.  And I need to be filled with life.  His life.  I receive these words from Scripture.  I receive the words of the song. 

In this place—paused, attentive, waiting—my heart refocuses on Christ.

Again the community around me begins to sing.

“Oh let us adore the
Son of Glory drenched in love
Open up your gates before him
Crown Him, stand Him up”

Sometimes this is what discipleship is...refocusing our hearts on Christ.

As they sing the refrain again, I join in, heart ripe with worship.

***

 Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to worship with right hearts.  May we find that He fills our dry bones with the Holy Spirit.  And in this may we find much joy.

Jessica :)

P.S.  In case you're curious about the song it is "Skeleton Bones" by John Mark McMillan.  McMillan wrote the popular song "How He Loves."  You might like to check him out. 

 I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”  Ezekiel 37:1-6 NLT