Of Strong Ankles, Fullness of Life, and His Perfect Way

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  This week I spent some time meditating as a part of a group work challenge.  There were two other options that probably would have stretched me in terms of experience a little bit more, but I didn’t have time to do them before the first of my groups met on Tuesday morning.  So I went with a practice that I enjoy and practice more regularly than the other options presented. 

***

The instructions are to pick up to five passages from a list of about ten.  I begin looking at the list and quickly find myself reciting most of the Scriptures based only on their location.  I come to the last one Psalm 18:30-36.  I am not familiar with this passage at all.  I think to myself, “I guess this is the one I’ll use.”  To be honest, I am feeling a bit obstinate and based on the other passages in the mix I have no clue how this Psalm could possibly relate to me and the area of my life God has been inviting me to be BRAVE in. 

I grab my Bible, open it up and began to read.

“As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.”

                                                -Psalm18:30-36 (NIV)

It is when I reach this last verse that I stop in wonder: “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.” 

God gently reaches down into my proud and skeptical heart and sets me straight.

In that one line he reminds me of what he has done in my life and what he wants to do as I trust him right now.

Once upon a time, my left ankle gave out again and again.  Three times in six months when I was a sophomore in high school; again in my senior year; and then four years later as I was looking forward to a honeymoon full of hiking.  With several of the sprains, including the last one, nothing happened to jar my ankle. I took a step or shifted my weight and it just gave way.

It was a time when I was so fearful.  After the last sprain, I remember wearing my air cast weeks after the six weeks it was to be worn were over.  I didn’t want to be using crutches on my wedding day.  I worried over the hiking that Jason and I would be doing—would my ankle just roll while were out?  The image of feeling of my ankle collapsing, the icky sound and the pain played over and over again in my mind.  It was awful. 

Now, in this moment God is reminding me of that time in my life. 

He is reminding me of how He met me there and healed me.  Through a time of unexpected prayer for healing He gave me back my ankle. 

I remember how for months afterwards, I had a hard time leaving that image behind me.  I didn’t know what healing looked like.  I kept wondering if it would be the next hike or simply walking down the sidewalk that my ankle would roll.  Even now, if I let myself, I can still hear the sound, picture the rolling, and feel the pain.  The memory is one full of fear.

It has only been trusting God’s healing one day at a time that has brought me to a new place, a better place, a freer place.  I walk with my family and speak praise when my ankle begins to roll and instead of buckling it corrects and holds strong.  Instead of walking in fear, I walk in His power.

In this moment I am wowed.  I reminded of all he has done for me.  I am led to a place of gratitude.  This is really how God wants me to come to Him and His Word--with praise for what He has done in my life and expecting Him to act in my life right now--ready to receive the His good gifts.  I read the passage again.

At first I see more feet.  “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.”  What agility a deer has!  What beauty can be seen from the heights!  I think of places I have hiked.  The views I have seen.  It is in His perfect way and in His security I stand on those heights.  What new heights might He be leading me to climb?

Then, I notice how He trains me.  “He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”  I imagine what that is like and I feel energized, ready, empowered.

He not only trains, He protects.  “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me.”  I feel upheld in the midst of difficulty.

I read, “Your help has made me great.”  David, who wrote this Psalm recognizes that he is not just surviving.  God is doing something bigger than he could do himself.  God's help has made him great.  I tend to think about how it is God who is great and he is.  But it seems God wants to do great things in us too.  I can’t help but wonder if this is all part of his plan to reveal his glory.  That is a new thought.  He wants me to be great with his help and by his power, not apart from it.  I do not think of myself as great.  What might greatness look like in my life?

Then, those words again!  “You provide a broad path for my feet so that my ankles do not give way.”

For whatever reason, I think about the words of Jesus that say “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”  (Matthew 7:13-14)  What amazes me is that God’s perfect way, this narrow road that leads to life, is broad enough.  It is a sure path.  It is a good path!  This is not about pain or failure or fear.  This is about healing and wholeness and good in my life! 

I look back to the beginning again.  “As for God, his way is perfect:  The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”

And I wonder what it looks like to take refuge in God in the fullness of life anyway.  I sit and consider this for awhile.  As I do words well up.

I wiggle and squirm

With thoughts of dishes and dinner undone.

It is here you invite me to sit

In Your presence. 

{Held}

It is here you remind me

You are

Refuge.

Rock.

Right here in the fullness of my life

Not apart from it.

You are inviting me

into

Your

perfect

way.

The path is wide

So that my ankles will not give way.

I begin to realize that it is in the midst of my full life God wants to remind me of who he is.  It is in the midst of my full life that God wants to lead me to stand on the heights.  It is in the midst of my full life He trains me so that I am energized, equipped, empowered—ready for all He leads me toward.  In the midst of my full life He protects and upholds me.  In the midst of my full life He leads me towards a greatness that reveals His glory.  In the midst of my full life He is leading me towards wholeness, healing and good.  He is my Rock.  He is my refuge and by His power He keeps my way secure.  

I rest in all of this, thankful.

I feel invited to step out into his perfect way, knowing the path is wide so my ankles will not give way.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we allow God to meet us right where we are at—in the fullness of our life—and lead us into his perfect way.  May we learn to step with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The path is wide and our ankles will not give way.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photo was taken during a trip to Canyonlands National Park during the first year we lived in Utah.

Eager as the Little Ones

It would seem…

The new act of parenting is as fall.

Life as it were

surrenders

dropping in dazzling color,

Fading

to a pleasing,

fallen,

crunchy brown.

Moving fast into winter—

Barren and cold and strikingly beautiful.

(Those tired smiles are genuine and true.)

Inside

the life rings grow,

the roots deepen,

The days stretch out—

Long and gray.

We long.

We hope.

We wonder.

Will spring come? 

And then…

One day it does!  Buds popping, trees leafing, sun shining, winds blowing.

We

rush

into

ALL

THIS

as

if

for

the

first

time!

Eager as the little ones who lead the way to exploring LIFE!

New and fresh and gloriously abundant again.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we embrace the seasons of life in all their beauty.  As we do may we trust that God uses each with skillful purpose growing us more into the image of Christ as we allow Him to work in and through us.

Jessica :)

Freedom Calls

I wrote a poem in response to reading Isaiah 25 a few months back.  The joy and freedom seem especially appropriate to me for this Easter season.  

“The unassailable fortifications of your walls He will bring down, lay low and cast to the ground, even to the dust”  Isaiah 25:12  

I peek out from behind the citadel

In hopeful wonder, I hear His words:

“Let’s break down the walls!

Come to the feast!

(A place where the fear, the schedules, the life, the friendships

                are handed over to One who knows the way to thrive.)

Come eat! 

Come drink!

Come LIVE! 

Come enjoy! 

Come trust me with all things—the cares, the woes, the joys and sorrows, the dreams!”

Could there really be a place for me

At such a table, so full and inviting?

I hear Him now,

Freedom calls.

He says,

“Come out!”  

I pause and call,

“What if I can’t—

The locks, rusty and old. 

Will you…

Can you break me out like a maid trapped in a fairy tale?”

“Oh yes!”

He responds.

“The stones will roll at my command.”

“Then break away!

I want to sit with you at your table today!”

I say with longing delight.

A voice rumbles like thunder

The walls!

They fall down!

He is running toward me.

I am running toward Him.

We meet in His wide open arms.

He holds me close and whispers

Of the journey ahead

The way out through the rubble all around.

“Stay close!  Walk near! 

There will be nothing to fear

Though the way may be treacherous all ‘round.

In freedom, now walk!

Follow me, Dear.

You’ll know the way by My path of Light.

Ever closer you’ll shine because you are Mine.

A beacon to draw others near.

We’ll be a winsome, formidable pair

Speak to them of freedom and peace. 

Invite them to the feast.

It will be a lavish banquet—

A wedding celebration.

The guests once Lost in darkness, now Found in Light.

Those once Least, greeted joyously in places of Honor.”

“It sounds so marvelous.”

I muse.

We’ll tell the story of Love.

Then we’ll dance,

Him and me.

Evermore and evermore.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we allow Christ to cause the walls of pain and hurt and sin to fall down.  May we find Him holding us steady and with Him freedom that is full of love.  May we walk with Him sharing the story of Love He has written on our hearts.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The really fun photo is courtesy of my husband and his trip to Krakow, Poland.  It is a photo from his tour of Wawel Castle.

Faithful

Most days, I spend time praying for my little “life of grace” using the Inspired to Action Prayer Calendar.  Today the attribute was faithfulness.  Faithful, God.  He is faithful.    It reminded me of this poem I crafted a few years ago while spending time reading Psalm 103:1-5 at a Last Wednesday service. 

God you are good.

So good.

Nothing escapes your notice.

Observing all

You  take care to provide for everything I need—

Right now and all eternity.

Faithful, God.

You are faithful.

I treasure you for you have done great things—

For me.

Around me.

In me.

How beautiful the works of your hands.

I marvel.

I worship you.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we know God’s goodness, witness God’s faithfulness.  May we respond in worship through all we do.

Jessica :)

Heavenly Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Receive God’s great love for you today by giving thanks for His most precious gift.

 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”  - John 3:16 

 

Will you be mine?

A Heavenly Valentine.

What a lovely way

To spend such a day

Wrapped up in the embrace

Of the one who took my disgrace

And calls me beloved.

I am Yours.

You are mine.

And Your banner over me is LOVE.

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we celebrate God’s great love for us.  May we enjoy Him and respond by loving as God has loved us in Christ.

Jessica :)

A New Variation

The beat goes on.

But the rhythms—

they’re changing.

So I pause…

in pregnant

Rest.

Preparing for a new movement,

a shift in life’s seasons.

Embracing the gift of what has been,

while looking to intentionally step into what will be.

It will be a new variation.

Its core Essence the same

As Jason and I explore rhythms with Crossroads I find myself wondering what rhythms of life will be like with the addition of a Little Love.  Maybe it will look a little like this?

I think of how I have taught and read about spiritual rhythms.  I think of how during pregnancy I have been trying to be open to changing rhythms while still keeping Christ central to them.  I think of our family rhythms—the ones we have followed well and the ones where we have sometimes skipped a beat or two.  I think about the patterns worth holding onto and others that can be let go.  I think about others that are, as yet, unknown and untried. 

I want to be intentional in the way I live as a person, a wife, a parent.  I want to be intentional about the way we live as a family.

I think this is the most important thing—to let Christ shape the rhythms that form and change as life does too. 

So I’m waiting in this pregnant pause...

…and choosing to trust the One who will pick the variation for the next season in life.

I know Him.  His Essence is will permeate whatever it holds.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we step into each new season of life surrendered to Christ and allowing him to lead us to the rhythms of abundant life.

Jessica :)

P.S.  Just in case you were curious about the rhythms series this was the video portion of a video/live rhythmic immersion.  Enjoy!

For Always

Inspiration came as I was doing the dishes while listening to Matt Maher’s Alive Again album a couple of weeks ago.  I sat down during ‘Garden’ and began writing this.  I love it.  I can just imagine Jesus’ words to me in the midst of this season of resurrection.  I think of the story from fall to eternity and I am amazed at the love of God for man, for me.  Enjoy!

Redemption, Love.

Restoration, Love.

That is where we’re headed, Love.

We've traveled a painful road, Love.

But there’s beauty ahead, Love.

We’ll replace the ashes with fruit from the trees

And be full, Love.

Ever what I’ve wanted;

It’s what you’ve been made for all along.

Together, Love.

For always

  

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we receive the gift of love we have been offered in Christ and respond to it.  May we find that we live abundantly a quality of LIFE we’ve been made for all along as we trust God in the midst of all things.

Jessica :)

Wholly His, Holy Life

“John is seeing the holiness of God manifested in the life of the church as it lives in the world.”

When I read it in the Revelation study I’ve been working my way through something is stirred—a memory opens up. 

Didn’t I pen something like that—living holy and others seeing God?  I wonder as I run to the kitchen for an ice pack.

When I finish reading, I search through files of poetry from a few years back and find it—a few untitled lines, written in June 2011.

As I read them, I begin to remember something else.  These lines were inspired by Scripture and I was stirred enough to encourage my small group with the thoughts I had been thinking about. 

I wonder.  What was that Scripture?

I think I was reading through Hebrews or James about then.

I pull up my email and go searching through old sent mail.  After a few dead ends, I find it, a line of Scripture and a few wonderings.

  

“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.  See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many”  Hebrews 12:14-15

I wondered to my friends. 

Is it when we live life wholly His that we live holy lives?

And in living this way, wholly His, that through the things we say and the things we do, we pour forth the grace of God so “no one misses the grace of God”?

I read it and smile.

This.  This is the way we are meant to live in this world.  The more I read through Revelation, the more I become convinced of this.  When we live wholly His, we live manifesting the holiness of God to the world around us.

The words of Robert Mulholland, about the bowl imagery I’ve been reading through, come to my mind once again:

“To be part of the community of God’s people means—to become part of God’s response to the rebellion; to be drawn into the very being and nature of God so as to be shaped in the image and likeness of God; to be thrust out in the midst of Fallen Babylon to participate in God’s costly, redemptive response to the rebellion.  The vision portrays this meaning in the bowls, which, on the one hand are the prayers of the saints that open them to the shaping presence of God, and, on the other hand, being filled with the presence of God, are then poured out into the life of the world” (p.97)

I am struck by the way the lines I penned two years ago are in such alignment with what I’ve been reading about today, the bowls.  I would never have imagined it.

When I am wholly given to God

A life of grace pours forth—

Light, a shining beacon in this dark world

Mirror spilling out radiance

Present reminder of His glory.

A surrendered vessel

I live holy

And the world sees the Lord.

What a gift He has given to me by leading me back to these words of poetry today.

They are a gift He is reminding me to live--wholly His, a holy life-- as a surrendered vessel (a bowl filled with the presence of God and poured out) so others around me do not miss the grace of God.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we live wholly God’s.  In this may we find that we live holy—pouring out the grace of God on everyone we meet.  When they encounter us may others see the Lord.

Jessica :)



The Reaping

I have been reading through Revelation lately.  I have been working my way through the Journey through the Bible guide as I go.*  I have also spent time going over the text again to really think about it and let the message sink in a bit more.  Sometimes when I do this poetry is the way I process it all.  That is what happened for me this week.  Here is a bit of the journey I have been traveling in God's Word:

Revelation 14:14-20

"I looked, and there before me was a white cloud, and seated on the cloud was one like a son of man with a crown of gold on his head and a sharp sickle in his hand.  Then another angel came out of the temple and called in a loud voice to him who was sitting on the cloud, “Take your sickle and reap, because the time to reap has come, for the harvest of the earth is ripe.”  So he who was seated on the cloud swung his sickle over the earth, and the earth was harvested.

Another angel came out of the temple in heaven, and he too had a sharp sickle.  Still another angel, who had charge of the fire, came from the altar and called in a loud voice to him who had the sharp sickle, “Take your sharp sickle and gather the clusters of grapes from the earth’s vine, because its grapes are ripe.”  The angel swung his sickle on the earth, gathered its grapes and threw them in to the great winepress of God’s wrath.  They were trampled in the winepress outside the city, and blood flowed out of the press, rising as high as the horses’ bridles for a distance of 1,600 stadia."

The Reaping

The time for the reaping has come.

Sharp sickles gather in the crop—

A harvest of hearts

Ripe with what their lives have sown.

A crop that has died

To rise as stalks gathered close;

Having received the gift of the cross long ago,

Meeting the end that leads to life.

Another crop that has spent its time ripening

Connected to the wrong kind of vine.

These impressive clusters of dark red, collected in a bad bunch,

Now crushed in a wrathful winepress; in the end, the blood flows.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we realize that we will reap what our lives have sown.  May we find that as we trust Christ and lay our lives down to follow him that we live fully and abundantly.

Jessica :)

*I would definitely recommend this study resource.  It discusses Revelation in a way that is very applicable to life in the present. In this, I have found it challenging me to live as Christ has called me to live and drawing my attention to other lessons I feel like God has been teaching me in other areas of my life, especially the way I interact with the world around me.

Step Forward

I would like to issue a challenge here today.

Take some time to consider where God is calling you to take a step forward in trusting Him.

This challenge might look different for you than it does for me. 

You may be invited to draw near to Him by spending time in His Word this week.

You may be challenged to wrestle by considering something you would rather dismiss because it doesn’t fit into the way you think or feel right now.

You may be asked to give something up, to try something new, or to persevere in something you are already doing.

You may be challenged to do something entirely different from these ideas.

This weekend, Jason and I are planning to take a few steps toward knowing and loving neighbors on our street.  We are going to stock a freezer with a few meals for a family who expects the arrival of their first baby in the very near future.  We are also going to follow up with a few neighbors who responded to our gift of cookies in December, by inviting them to dinner and getting the dates on the calendar.

To be honest, these things will push me beyond what I am comfortable doing.  I love people, but I feel awkward in new interactions like these.  Yet, I trust that by being obedient and walking forward in these simple ways that we will find the way to building community and sharing the love of Christ with others. 

I’d love to hear from you.  How are you stepping forward in trust?

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we take steps toward trusting God.  As we do may we find that we take steps toward Him that we are transformed in ways we could not have imagined.

Jessica :)

P.S.  I will be posting something special Wednesday.  A Becoming Life will become an Ash Wednesday Prayer Space.  We will have the chance to begin the Lenten season well by pausing to converse with God using a few activities that can be as interactive as you let them be.  Grab a journal, a black marker, a couple pleasing slips of paper of your choice, and an object that is beautiful or pleasing to you.  Then come on Wednesday ready to talk with God.  I’m looking forward to it!  I hope you will be too.