Of Strong Ankles, Fullness of Life, and His Perfect Way

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  This week I spent some time meditating as a part of a group work challenge.  There were two other options that probably would have stretched me in terms of experience a little bit more, but I didn’t have time to do them before the first of my groups met on Tuesday morning.  So I went with a practice that I enjoy and practice more regularly than the other options presented. 

***

The instructions are to pick up to five passages from a list of about ten.  I begin looking at the list and quickly find myself reciting most of the Scriptures based only on their location.  I come to the last one Psalm 18:30-36.  I am not familiar with this passage at all.  I think to myself, “I guess this is the one I’ll use.”  To be honest, I am feeling a bit obstinate and based on the other passages in the mix I have no clue how this Psalm could possibly relate to me and the area of my life God has been inviting me to be BRAVE in. 

I grab my Bible, open it up and began to read.

“As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.”

                                                -Psalm18:30-36 (NIV)

It is when I reach this last verse that I stop in wonder: “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.” 

God gently reaches down into my proud and skeptical heart and sets me straight.

In that one line he reminds me of what he has done in my life and what he wants to do as I trust him right now.

Once upon a time, my left ankle gave out again and again.  Three times in six months when I was a sophomore in high school; again in my senior year; and then four years later as I was looking forward to a honeymoon full of hiking.  With several of the sprains, including the last one, nothing happened to jar my ankle. I took a step or shifted my weight and it just gave way.

It was a time when I was so fearful.  After the last sprain, I remember wearing my air cast weeks after the six weeks it was to be worn were over.  I didn’t want to be using crutches on my wedding day.  I worried over the hiking that Jason and I would be doing—would my ankle just roll while were out?  The image of feeling of my ankle collapsing, the icky sound and the pain played over and over again in my mind.  It was awful. 

Now, in this moment God is reminding me of that time in my life. 

He is reminding me of how He met me there and healed me.  Through a time of unexpected prayer for healing He gave me back my ankle. 

I remember how for months afterwards, I had a hard time leaving that image behind me.  I didn’t know what healing looked like.  I kept wondering if it would be the next hike or simply walking down the sidewalk that my ankle would roll.  Even now, if I let myself, I can still hear the sound, picture the rolling, and feel the pain.  The memory is one full of fear.

It has only been trusting God’s healing one day at a time that has brought me to a new place, a better place, a freer place.  I walk with my family and speak praise when my ankle begins to roll and instead of buckling it corrects and holds strong.  Instead of walking in fear, I walk in His power.

In this moment I am wowed.  I reminded of all he has done for me.  I am led to a place of gratitude.  This is really how God wants me to come to Him and His Word--with praise for what He has done in my life and expecting Him to act in my life right now--ready to receive the His good gifts.  I read the passage again.

At first I see more feet.  “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.”  What agility a deer has!  What beauty can be seen from the heights!  I think of places I have hiked.  The views I have seen.  It is in His perfect way and in His security I stand on those heights.  What new heights might He be leading me to climb?

Then, I notice how He trains me.  “He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”  I imagine what that is like and I feel energized, ready, empowered.

He not only trains, He protects.  “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me.”  I feel upheld in the midst of difficulty.

I read, “Your help has made me great.”  David, who wrote this Psalm recognizes that he is not just surviving.  God is doing something bigger than he could do himself.  God's help has made him great.  I tend to think about how it is God who is great and he is.  But it seems God wants to do great things in us too.  I can’t help but wonder if this is all part of his plan to reveal his glory.  That is a new thought.  He wants me to be great with his help and by his power, not apart from it.  I do not think of myself as great.  What might greatness look like in my life?

Then, those words again!  “You provide a broad path for my feet so that my ankles do not give way.”

For whatever reason, I think about the words of Jesus that say “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”  (Matthew 7:13-14)  What amazes me is that God’s perfect way, this narrow road that leads to life, is broad enough.  It is a sure path.  It is a good path!  This is not about pain or failure or fear.  This is about healing and wholeness and good in my life! 

I look back to the beginning again.  “As for God, his way is perfect:  The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”

And I wonder what it looks like to take refuge in God in the fullness of life anyway.  I sit and consider this for awhile.  As I do words well up.

I wiggle and squirm

With thoughts of dishes and dinner undone.

It is here you invite me to sit

In Your presence. 

{Held}

It is here you remind me

You are

Refuge.

Rock.

Right here in the fullness of my life

Not apart from it.

You are inviting me

into

Your

perfect

way.

The path is wide

So that my ankles will not give way.

I begin to realize that it is in the midst of my full life God wants to remind me of who he is.  It is in the midst of my full life that God wants to lead me to stand on the heights.  It is in the midst of my full life He trains me so that I am energized, equipped, empowered—ready for all He leads me toward.  In the midst of my full life He protects and upholds me.  In the midst of my full life He leads me towards a greatness that reveals His glory.  In the midst of my full life He is leading me towards wholeness, healing and good.  He is my Rock.  He is my refuge and by His power He keeps my way secure.  

I rest in all of this, thankful.

I feel invited to step out into his perfect way, knowing the path is wide so my ankles will not give way.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we allow God to meet us right where we are at—in the fullness of our life—and lead us into his perfect way.  May we learn to step with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The path is wide and our ankles will not give way.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photo was taken during a trip to Canyonlands National Park during the first year we lived in Utah.

A Healing Prayer

Prayer seems to be on my mind.  Whether it was the conversation about politics that began this or the awareness that I will be talking about prayer in a month with a young adults group, I am not sure.  Whatever the reason, this post is one of a number of prayer experiences I will be sharing with you over the next month or so.  I'm praying that you will be encouraged and maybe even challenged by it.  I still am.

***

It was the closing of the time of worship when the pastor came to the front of the auditorium and began to speak about prayer.  He said he was feeling led to pray for healing.

When he said this, I perked up bit, thinking of my left ankle in its air cast.  I had been wearing it since my sprain, a few weeks before; and I planned to wear it until my wedding day, so I would not reinjure it.  I had been known to do that.  This was my fifth sprain in the last six years.  I sprained my left ankle three times in six months, skipped two years and sprained it again.  Oddly, this most recent sprain happened when I shifted my weight from my right leg to my left leg, as I was waiting for my brother to unlock the car door.  My ankle just gave out on me. 

The pastor began to pray.  He used simple words, nothing fancy.  He spoke about a few specific ailments that were brought to his mind—one concerning neck pain and another was someone’s back.  He seemed to know just what they were experiencing.

As he prayed, I thought about the many times Jesus had healed the lame; called them to stand; forgave their sin; sent them joyfully on their way.  The disciples healed people too.  Jesus sent them out to do so and he even told them they would do “greater things” than these.  I believe these things really took place.  I believe these things happened, though I had never experienced them myself.

I knew that James wrote, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

So, as I sat and listened to the pastor pray, my ankle aching, I wondered if I might experience healing too.  Sometime in the middle of this time of prayer, I began to notice warmth radiating around my left ankle.  It tingled in this way, noticeably, for a few minutes before it stopped.  I was no longer aware of my aching ankle.  There was no doubt in my mind that something had happened.  What was it?  Had I just experienced healing?  I wondered inside. 

When we stood up to leave, I noticed how my ankle still ached as I stood with my weight upon it.  It couldn’t have been healed, could it?  I still wondered.  What had I experienced?  I wasn’t exactly sure.

It was only time and observation that began to unravel the mystery of that time of prayer. 

The first time I took a wrong step on my left foot, I was surprised when I didn’t fall to the ground in pain.  My ankle held strong and self-corrected.  This happened multiple times over the course of a few years.  Each time, I thought about this prayer experience wondering if I had really been healed in a way I couldn’t have been imagined, almost like a hedge of protection.

It was the first time my ankle rolled that I was not so sure.  I stood up one day and my left ankle gave out under me causing me to cry out and my husband to come running.  I felt a little ridiculous.  We elevated my ankle and iced it.  It was sore, but nothing more.  I was amazed.  In the past, this incident would have been enough to put me on crutches for a week.  Instead, I was able to walk around with just the smallest bit of an ache in my ankle.  Is this what healing looks like? I wondered.

In the midst of a few similar experiences, I came to believe that I have been healed.  The healing has been different from what I imagined healing would be.  I received back the strength of my ankle, rather than a healing of a particular sprain.  Any normal person would have been able to self-correct a wrong step or would have been a little sore in the midst of my ankle rolling experiences.  I was not that person before that prayer, now I am.  My ankle is once again a normal ankle rather than a weak one.  I praise God for his work; and I now know from experience that healing can come in the midst of faith and prayer. 

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we believe in faith that God can heal through prayer.  May we find that this is true whether we have a broken heart, a hurting spirit, or a physical ailment that he provides just the kind of healing that we need.  May we lift up one another trusting in His goodness and the power of prayer.

Jessica :)