Of Strong Ankles, Fullness of Life, and His Perfect Way

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  This week I spent some time meditating as a part of a group work challenge.  There were two other options that probably would have stretched me in terms of experience a little bit more, but I didn’t have time to do them before the first of my groups met on Tuesday morning.  So I went with a practice that I enjoy and practice more regularly than the other options presented. 

***

The instructions are to pick up to five passages from a list of about ten.  I begin looking at the list and quickly find myself reciting most of the Scriptures based only on their location.  I come to the last one Psalm 18:30-36.  I am not familiar with this passage at all.  I think to myself, “I guess this is the one I’ll use.”  To be honest, I am feeling a bit obstinate and based on the other passages in the mix I have no clue how this Psalm could possibly relate to me and the area of my life God has been inviting me to be BRAVE in. 

I grab my Bible, open it up and began to read.

“As for God, his way is perfect:
    The Lord’s word is flawless;
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

For who is God besides the Lord?
    And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
    and keeps my way secure.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
    he causes me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
    my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.”

                                                -Psalm18:30-36 (NIV)

It is when I reach this last verse that I stop in wonder: “You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way.” 

God gently reaches down into my proud and skeptical heart and sets me straight.

In that one line he reminds me of what he has done in my life and what he wants to do as I trust him right now.

Once upon a time, my left ankle gave out again and again.  Three times in six months when I was a sophomore in high school; again in my senior year; and then four years later as I was looking forward to a honeymoon full of hiking.  With several of the sprains, including the last one, nothing happened to jar my ankle. I took a step or shifted my weight and it just gave way.

It was a time when I was so fearful.  After the last sprain, I remember wearing my air cast weeks after the six weeks it was to be worn were over.  I didn’t want to be using crutches on my wedding day.  I worried over the hiking that Jason and I would be doing—would my ankle just roll while were out?  The image of feeling of my ankle collapsing, the icky sound and the pain played over and over again in my mind.  It was awful. 

Now, in this moment God is reminding me of that time in my life. 

He is reminding me of how He met me there and healed me.  Through a time of unexpected prayer for healing He gave me back my ankle. 

I remember how for months afterwards, I had a hard time leaving that image behind me.  I didn’t know what healing looked like.  I kept wondering if it would be the next hike or simply walking down the sidewalk that my ankle would roll.  Even now, if I let myself, I can still hear the sound, picture the rolling, and feel the pain.  The memory is one full of fear.

It has only been trusting God’s healing one day at a time that has brought me to a new place, a better place, a freer place.  I walk with my family and speak praise when my ankle begins to roll and instead of buckling it corrects and holds strong.  Instead of walking in fear, I walk in His power.

In this moment I am wowed.  I reminded of all he has done for me.  I am led to a place of gratitude.  This is really how God wants me to come to Him and His Word--with praise for what He has done in my life and expecting Him to act in my life right now--ready to receive the His good gifts.  I read the passage again.

At first I see more feet.  “He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights.”  What agility a deer has!  What beauty can be seen from the heights!  I think of places I have hiked.  The views I have seen.  It is in His perfect way and in His security I stand on those heights.  What new heights might He be leading me to climb?

Then, I notice how He trains me.  “He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”  I imagine what that is like and I feel energized, ready, empowered.

He not only trains, He protects.  “You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me.”  I feel upheld in the midst of difficulty.

I read, “Your help has made me great.”  David, who wrote this Psalm recognizes that he is not just surviving.  God is doing something bigger than he could do himself.  God's help has made him great.  I tend to think about how it is God who is great and he is.  But it seems God wants to do great things in us too.  I can’t help but wonder if this is all part of his plan to reveal his glory.  That is a new thought.  He wants me to be great with his help and by his power, not apart from it.  I do not think of myself as great.  What might greatness look like in my life?

Then, those words again!  “You provide a broad path for my feet so that my ankles do not give way.”

For whatever reason, I think about the words of Jesus that say “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”  (Matthew 7:13-14)  What amazes me is that God’s perfect way, this narrow road that leads to life, is broad enough.  It is a sure path.  It is a good path!  This is not about pain or failure or fear.  This is about healing and wholeness and good in my life! 

I look back to the beginning again.  “As for God, his way is perfect:  The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock except our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.”

And I wonder what it looks like to take refuge in God in the fullness of life anyway.  I sit and consider this for awhile.  As I do words well up.

I wiggle and squirm

With thoughts of dishes and dinner undone.

It is here you invite me to sit

In Your presence. 

{Held}

It is here you remind me

You are

Refuge.

Rock.

Right here in the fullness of my life

Not apart from it.

You are inviting me

into

Your

perfect

way.

The path is wide

So that my ankles will not give way.

I begin to realize that it is in the midst of my full life God wants to remind me of who he is.  It is in the midst of my full life that God wants to lead me to stand on the heights.  It is in the midst of my full life He trains me so that I am energized, equipped, empowered—ready for all He leads me toward.  In the midst of my full life He protects and upholds me.  In the midst of my full life He leads me towards a greatness that reveals His glory.  In the midst of my full life He is leading me towards wholeness, healing and good.  He is my Rock.  He is my refuge and by His power He keeps my way secure.  

I rest in all of this, thankful.

I feel invited to step out into his perfect way, knowing the path is wide so my ankles will not give way.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we allow God to meet us right where we are at—in the fullness of our life—and lead us into his perfect way.  May we learn to step with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  The path is wide and our ankles will not give way.

Jessica :)

P.S.  The photo was taken during a trip to Canyonlands National Park during the first year we lived in Utah.

A Heart Full of Love

It is as I write out a card for his special day that I begin to think of the many memories we have made in the last 10 years.  I am so thankful.

I begin to feel it surging. 

It is in the thoughts of driving back and forth becoming friends,

of falling in love,

of adventures together

the awareness grows. 

It is in the thoughts of how blessed I am to have someone beside me who is not afraid to speak truth in love,

to push me toward growth,

to encourage me,

to point me once again toward Christ. 

It is in the thoughts of his character and the way he lives daily an example of Christ’s love that I become aware that my heart is so full of love.

A heart full of love.  When I stop to consider it, I wonder how I can bear it.

 

I think about it a minute and wonder if any of us were ever meant to bear a heart so full. 

What if hearts are made to fill to bursting so that we must share our love with others? 

I think of this and smile, letting my heart burst.

“May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.”

 -1 Thessalonians 3:12

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as the love for our dear ones grows.  May we find that it increases to overflowing, spilling out over everyone else we meet.  All because He first loved us.

Jessica :)

Showered With Love

When I was first asked to pull together a list of people to celebrate with me I was at a loss. 

Family and a small circle of friends whom I do life with came to mind.  The list was small.

My far away heart family that has now become a little scattered (though our stories together all began in Utah) crossed my mind.  My heart always aches a little bit for them—joyful, sorrowful, and filled with loving prayers for their good.  It would be impossible for any of these to come. 

Yet, as I thought of these loved ones, I pulled out my address book and looked through to try to capture the many that have walked through different stages and events of life with me as friends, mentors and encouragers.  The list grew. 

I worried.  Would they wonder why I had invited them?  Would they want to come?

So as they all began trickling through the door on Sunday I was a bit overwhelmed by everything—the amazing food that had been labored over with love; so many dear ones in one place; so many gifts.  It felt like too much.  I had a hard time receiving.

How does one begin to drink all of it in?  How does one receive such a precious gift?

I was being showered with so much love.

I felt so undeserving of all this time, all these friends, all this love. 

I felt like I would burst from it all. 

(Truth be told, I did eventually—held close and heaving—late at night, long after it was all over.)

Now, I look back, reflect and realize a little bit more in my heart what I already know with my mind.

Grace is never earned or deserved.  It is a gift.

This shower, the people and presents—they were all a gift of love.  Grace.

The crazy part to me is that the blessing of love these dear ones poured out upon me and my little life of grace was just a small example of the way God loves and extends his grace to me. 

His love is wider and longer and higher and deeper than I can fully grasp.

I will keep trying to grasp it though. 

Perhaps the way we recieve is by living changed—bursting to overflowing with tears and joy and love and life again and again.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we receive grace as God’s gift to us.  As we are humbled by the way we don’t deserve any of it may our lives be lived overflowing with gratitude and filled with love.

Jessica :)

The Way Everlasting

It is there. 

It is somewhere in the midst of seeking how He is calling me to surrender that I realize His goodness.

It is in the way He is calling me to create time and space for Him this Lent that I realize that He cares for my every need.

The things He calls me to are not burdensome.  They are freeing. 

For it is out of examine, in this space, they come.

He has been with me here—considering heart and mind.

He has watched as I name the ugly—jealousy, selfishness, and fear.

He has seen me recognize the beautiful—joy, love, and hope.

He has been near as I identify exhaustion.

He is calling me towards freedom.

He says to me, “Jessica, surrender the places of fear and walk courageously beside Me.  Trust Me and watch Me work.”

He says to me, “Jessica, see how exhausted you are?  Make time to rest.  Rest in My presence.”

I receive these words with gratitude.

I am overwhelmed by His love for me. 

And I wonder.  How does he know? 

How does he know just how to meet my every need, in every season of this life?

I think of the Psalm I committed to memory long ago. 

It used to hang in colorful letters, behind glitter, shimmering on my bedroom wall.  

He knows me.

I wrote it so I would remember.

I consider the final words of the Psalm:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Psalm 139:23-24

It is in this remembering these words I realize that Lent is learning to walk in the way everlasting. 

He has searched and tested. 

Now I will let him lead on—to repentance, to wholeness, to an abundantly good life.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we follow God’s leading this Lent.  May we discover the way of Christ is toward repentance, walking in a new way.  May we delight in the freedom it brings as we learn to live an abundant life.

Jessica :)

Are We Having Fun Yet?

I am bent over a basket, pulling out my warm white clothes into a mound, soon to be folded.  As I do, a man I have never seen enters the laundry room and purchases a few drinks from the vending machine.  Then, with his arms full of bottles he asks me a question.

“Are we having fun, yet?” 

“Excuse me?”  I reply looking up at him.

“Are we having fun, yet?” he repeats.

I look at him puzzled, and respond, “Um sure.”   

Is this some new way of greeting people?  If it is, I’ve never heard it before.

He tells me, “I try to stay as far away from the laundry as possible.”

I nod and say “Oh” just before he exits the laundry room.

I pick up my basket and follow him out.

He is standing with a co-worker as they wait for an elevator.  I wait near them, arms full, as they talk with one another, before the man who spoke with me turns to walk down the hallway toward the front of the building. 

His co-worker waits beside me.  When the door opens, he allows me to carry my basket onto the elevator, before he joins me.

I ask, “Would you push two, please?”

He hits five and follows with two, saying “Sure.”

The next words from his mouth are the same as his co-worker.

“Are we having fun yet?”

I pause at the oddity of it.  “Yes?  I mean, sure.  I like when my laundry gets done.  I mean, I like having it all neatly in the closet.”  I manage weakly.

Where did these people come from?  Are you having fun yet?  Is this some sort of creed or mantra?  I really am confused.  I shuffle off the elevator and sincerely wish the man a wonderful day.

As I walk down the hallway toward my apartment, I chuckle at it.  Am I having fun?

Wasn’t my prayer as I walked toward my laundry that I would have some words about rest for today?  Did God not answer my prayer in their words? 

“Are we having fun?” Their words are rather similar to what God was saying to Israel through the prophet Isaiah. 

“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath

     and from doing as you please on my holy day,

if you call the Sabbath a delight

     and the LORD’s holy day honorable,

and if you honor it by not going your own way

     and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

then you will find your joy in the LORD,

     and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land

     and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”

For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.  (Isaiah 58:13-14 NIV)

 

God is saying I want you to be authentic.  I want you to care about the things I care about.  I want you to enjoy me.  I want you to have fun.  You call my Sabbath a delight, live as such.

In my Judaism class in college we talked about a Hebrew word for the Sabbath that Jews use.  It is oneg.  It means to delight.  This is the word used here.  The Sabbath is to be filled with that which is enjoyable and restful.  It is a time to celebrate and give thanks for the blessings God has given. 

God’s words in Isaiah 58 tell Israel that they are going through the motions.  They say that God is important, but they do not value the things that He values and so their actions are empty.   He wants them to begin responding to Him and living in a way that will bring them life.  He wants them to truly delight in the Sabbath and rest in Him.

He invites me to do the same.

It is Labor Day weekend, a time the country stops to rest in celebration of the work that has been done.  It is a time where I will have a chance to spend some additional time responding to this Sabbath question, “Are we having fun yet?” 

I can hear God asking me.  I think about the friends that I will be spending time with this weekend, the anniversary I will be celebrating Sunday, the freedom to fill up the time with the delightful and life-giving things that bring real joy in Christ.  I think about this moment and the opportunity to respond to life as a gift or life as tedious task.  I choose gift.

I hear God calling out “Are we having fun yet?”

I respond, “Why, yes. I think we are.”

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to delight in the Lord and enjoy him.  May we find that we are full of gratitude for His gifts and that we have blessing to heap upon those whose lives are difficult.  May we find that Labor Day is an opportunity for continued rest. 

Jessica :)

Giving Thanks

I'm giving thanks to God today for...
A wonderful time away in Voyageurs National Park;
The four Newbery Medal books that entertained us our drive;
The quiet of the Northwoods;
The sound of water lapping on the lakeshore;
Bald eagles calling out and the sound of cormorant wings flapping over head;
Wild rice in the wild;
Beautiful lightning storms over the lake in the distance;
Days on the shore of Kabetogama Lake reading;
Conversations with--rangers, travelers, family and Jason;
Learning about the French-Canadian voyageurs and the lumber industry of the park;
Time with family;
Safely returning home.

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we learn to give thanks for his goodness in all things.

Jessica :)

P.S.  These photos were taken by both Jason and I during our vacation.

"You will be so good to me"

Heidi hastened to say [to Clara].  “We ought to pray to the dear Lord every day, and about every single thing; for then He will know that we do not forget that we receive everything from Him.  And if we forget the dear Lord, he will forget us too; your grandmamma told me that.  But, you know, if we do not receive what we would like we must not think the dear Lord hasn’t listened, and stop praying, but we must pray like this, “Now I know, dear Lord, that you have something better in store and I will be glad that you will be so good to me.”

-Johanna Spyri in Heidi

I finished reading Heidi a few weeks ago and this paragraph caught my attention.  While I’m not sure I totally agree that God forgets us, I love that Heidi so simply recognizes that we receive everything from God.  I love the way she has learned to respond when a prayer seems to go unanswered by continuing to pray, “Now I know that you have something better in store and I will be glad you will be so good to me.”  She learns this lesson through her own experience and shares it with her friend Clara when she comes to visit her in the Alps.  Heidi's response is worth remembering.

 

This week…

Let’s come before the Lord thankful that we receive everything from Him.

Let’s give thanks in all things.

Let’s talk with Him in prayer about all things as we come and go.

Let’s pray without ceasing.

Let’s be confident that he hears us even when circumstances don’t turn out the way we would like.

Let’s trust Him.

Let’s respond like Heidi—believing that He has something better in store for us and giving thanks that He would be so good to us.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we spend time in prayer trusting that God hears us and responds in just the way we need to draw nearer to Him and walk in trust.

Jessica :)