Where Are You?

She slips from my lap and picks up her Jesus Storybook Bible.*  She hands it to me, saying, “Carry please, Mama.”

I say, “Sure!” as we head out the gate and toward the bathroom.

She settles in on the floor as I pull out a floss pick. 

She calls out to me, “Papa?  Where are you?”

Photo by David Barless, used with permission.

I know just what she is referring to.  They are words from the story of the crucifixion.  I turn around and face her on the floor, flipping to the familiar illustration.  (Jesus is on the cross, battered and bruised with a crown of thorns on his head and a tear falling from his eye.  Above him a sign reads “Our King.”)

She turns her head toward mine with a familiar request on her lips. “Read.”

I pull her up on my lap, there on the bathroom floor, and begin halfway through the story.

“They nailed Jesus to the cross.

“Father forgive them,” Jesus gasped.  “They don’t understand what they’re doing.”

“You say you’ve come to rescue us!” people shouted.  “But you can’t even rescue yourself!”

But they were wrong.  Jesus could have rescued himself.  A legion of angels would have flown to his side—if he’d called.

“If you were really the Son of God, you could just climb down off that cross!”  they said.

And of course they were right.  Jesus could have just climbed down.  Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop.  Like when he healed that little girl.”    - The Jesus Storybook Bible, p. 304

Here we pause.  

We revisit the story that we read the night before in the front room.  Jairus, the little girl’s daddy had come to Jesus.  I ask if she remembers how Jesus went to the little girl and called her from death to life saying, “Honey, it’s time to get up.”  She nods and says, “Breakfast.”  "Yes,"  I affirm.  “He asks her if she would like some breakfast.  How about you?  Are you hungry for breakfast?” I ask her with a little smile and a friendly poke.

She says again, “Read.”  And so I do. 

“He could have just said a word and made it all stop.  Like when he healed that little girl.  And stilled the storm.  And fed 5,000 people. 
But Jesus stayed.

You see, they didn’t understand.  It wasn’t the nails that kept Jesus there.  It was love.”  - The Jesus Storybook Bible, p. 304

It was love.  I pause here.  I soak it in. 

The nails in his hands.  The nails in his feet.  The thorns.  The shame.  They speak of his love. 

He could have made it stop.  But he didn’t. 

The people didn’t understand, then. 

Do I understand, now? 

I don’t know.

I keep reading.

“Papa?” Jesus cried, frantically searching the sky.

“Papa?  Where are you?  Don’t leave me!”

And for the first time—and the last—when he spoke, nothing happened.  Just a horrible endless silence.  God didn’t answer.  He turned away from his Boy.  – The Jesus Storybook Bible, p. 304

Oh, this moment. 

I think of my Little Love and the way she often calls out playfully from her room these days, “Daddy, where are you?” 

She knows her daddy will come looking for her.  She expects it.  She looks forward to it.  It brings her comfort, peace and such joy to know her daddy will respond. 

Here, Jesus’ daddy doesn't respond.  The Father turns his face away.  He turns away from the Son He loves.  With the picture of my girl in my mind, I find my heart breaking.  Oh, this moment.

“Tears rolled down Jesus’ face.  The face of the One who would wipe away every tear from every eye.” – The Jesus Storybook Bible, p. 304

My Little Love, she looks at with me with concern written all over her face and says, “Cryin'.”  Yes, dear.  Crying.

I can’t imagine she grasps the fullness of this, yet.  How could she?  I am still not sure I do.  But it is amazing to me that she does get that this is a moment to pause.  She tenderly wants to reach out in comfort as she sees Jesus’ hurting face and hears of His tears.

We turn the page.

“Even though it was midday, a dreadful darkness covered the face of the world.  The sun could not shine.  The earth trembled and quaked.  The great mountains shook.  Rocks split in two.  Until it seemed that the whole world would break.  That creation itself would tear apart.

The full force of the storm of God’s fierce anger at sin was coming down.  On his own Son.  Instead of his people.  It was the only way God could destroy sin, and not destroy his children whose hearts were filled with sin.”  -The Jesus Storybook Bible, p.306 

As I read of this storm raging, I feel it.  I feel so very aware of the many ways I have messed up and do mess up—so very aware of the sinful heart that God was seeking to save.  I think of the words of Paul: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”  -2 Corinthians 5:21, ESV  

God loved his creation—the people made in his image—so much that he was willing to give his Son to destroy sin and not his children whose hearts were filled with it.  How deep the Father’s love for us. 

How deep the Father’s love for me.  The thought makes me tremble inside.

Then Jesus shouted in a loud voice, “It is finished!”

And it was.  He had done it.  Jesus had rescued the whole world.

“Father!” Jesus cried.  “I give you my life.”

Strange clouds and shadows filled the sky.  Purple, orange, black.  Like a bruise.

Jesus friends gently carried Jesus.  They laid Jesus in a new tomb carved out of rock.

How could Jesus die?  What had gone wrong?  What did it mean?  They didn’t know anything anymore.  Except they did know their hearts were breaking.” –The Jesus Storybook Bible, p. 306

Jesus speaks words of power. And then he dies? This doesn’t really seem like a rescue. 

The storm that has been raging suddenly seems to calm—like when Jesus stilled the storm.  Yet this calm seems awful and ugly.  I feel numb. 

In this moment, I am with the disciples wondering, “How could this happen?  Wasn’t Jesus the Rescuer?  The King God had promised?  It wasn’t supposed to end like this.”*  

Then, I remember.  It doesn’t end like this.
 

Jesus is not dead.  He is alive!

I look at my Little Love and tell her, “It doesn’t end here!  Jesus rises.  He is alive!”  She giggles.

It was for the joy that was set before him that Jesus endured the cross—the joy of relationship with us, the joy of relationship with me. 

I think of the lyrics from Matt Maher’s song 'Christ is Risen': “Oh death!   Where is your sting?  Oh hell!  Where is your victory?  Oh church!  Come stand in the light!  Our God is not dead.  He’s alive!  He’s alive!”

I smile and pull her close saying, “This is good news!”

She wiggles out of my arms.  I let go of her and stand up, turning towards the sink to grab my tooth brush. 

I notice the morning sun shining.  Its bright light is pouring in right where I am standing; and I can't help but continue to hum to myself, "He's alive!  He's alive!"

***

“Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.” –Jude 1:24-25, KJV

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance this Good Friday as we remember the depth of the Father’s love for us and this Easter as we remember—Jesus is risen, He is risen, indeed!  May we take joy in the hope that we have through His death and resurrection.  When we come to Him, Jesus takes our sinful hearts and presents us faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy.   We are so very loved.

Jessica :)

P.S.  I highly recommend The Jesus Storybook Bible if you do not already own a copy.  It is published by Zondervan. © 2012. The story referenced throughout this post is called 'The sun stops shining,' pages 302-309.  The thoughts I shared along with the disciples are from p. 310.

The photos in this post are from Badlands National Park, South Dakota in July 2010.  We got up to watch the sunrise.  The first two were taken by Jason and the third by me. 

Acquitted

I just want to share the song I’ve been singing this week as the church remembers the scandalous beauty of God’s love for us—Christ’s death and resurrection.  It is a song by Jeremy Riddle and it's called Acquitted. 

Blessings to you as you remember His death and celebrate His resurrection.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we receive this gift of love.

Jessica :)

Enter Into the Ritual

It was two years ago, in the midst of a Lenten series, when I first heard the word—Haggadah. 

It was described to me as the means by which the Jewish people remember the Passover.  They enter not only into a celebration, but they enter into the ritual retelling of the story as the enslaved Israelites themselves.  They begin the evening as slaves.  They end the evening a free people. 

I was captured by this idea and began wondering what it might look like to consider our story in this way—from the Fall to the Resurrection. 

I sat down again today and picked up the idea where I left it in 2011 and drafted ‘An Easter Haggadah.’

Enter into the ritual...

as slaves

bound to lives serving a hard master

breaking backs, carrying heavy loads.

Enter into the ritual.

Each day

captive to the same hopeless task,

serving death.

Enter into the ritual.

Cry out.

Perhaps God will respond.

Perhaps He will save.

Enter into the ritual.

A leader

prepared and brought forward.

To lead.  To guide.  To save.

Enter into the ritual.

A Seder invitation—

eat His body,

drink His blood.

Enter into the ritual.

A Lamb

rejected and sacrificed to cover over sin,

an offering to purchase our freedom.

Enter into the ritual.

Resurrection—

life restored to crown a King,

unexpected, yet true.

Enter into the ritual.

Be free.

A people proclaiming peace won for them,

A living body renewed.

Enter the ritual.  Remember.  Live it all anew.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we enter into Holy Week remembering.  May we take time to pause and enter into the story of Jesus in a new way.  May we find that as we do He meets us there and leads us to receive the gift He has for us—Himself.

Jessica :)

P.S.  Can I recommend an album to you as you spend time remembering this week?  Matt Maher’s Alive Again is still my very favorite album for Lent and Holy Week.  I would say it is an Easter Haggadah of song.  I never get tired of listening to the story as he tells it.  Grace and peace.

The Way Everlasting

It is there. 

It is somewhere in the midst of seeking how He is calling me to surrender that I realize His goodness.

It is in the way He is calling me to create time and space for Him this Lent that I realize that He cares for my every need.

The things He calls me to are not burdensome.  They are freeing. 

For it is out of examine, in this space, they come.

He has been with me here—considering heart and mind.

He has watched as I name the ugly—jealousy, selfishness, and fear.

He has seen me recognize the beautiful—joy, love, and hope.

He has been near as I identify exhaustion.

He is calling me towards freedom.

He says to me, “Jessica, surrender the places of fear and walk courageously beside Me.  Trust Me and watch Me work.”

He says to me, “Jessica, see how exhausted you are?  Make time to rest.  Rest in My presence.”

I receive these words with gratitude.

I am overwhelmed by His love for me. 

And I wonder.  How does he know? 

How does he know just how to meet my every need, in every season of this life?

I think of the Psalm I committed to memory long ago. 

It used to hang in colorful letters, behind glitter, shimmering on my bedroom wall.  

He knows me.

I wrote it so I would remember.

I consider the final words of the Psalm:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Psalm 139:23-24

It is in this remembering these words I realize that Lent is learning to walk in the way everlasting. 

He has searched and tested. 

Now I will let him lead on—to repentance, to wholeness, to an abundantly good life.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we follow God’s leading this Lent.  May we discover the way of Christ is toward repentance, walking in a new way.  May we delight in the freedom it brings as we learn to live an abundant life.

Jessica :)

Ash Wednesday: A Prayer Space

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”  Psalm 51:10

Today is Ash Wednesday.  Here at A Becoming Life I am setting aside space for us to mark the beginning of Lent well.  Today's post is a  prayer experience. It is based on a time of prayer I designed in 2011 using Phyllis Tickle’s Lenten book, Eastertide.  You may notice the post is significantly longer than usual due to the reflective way it will guide you through a time of worship designed for Ash Wednesday.  Please take your time and linger as the Holy Spirit leads.

Things to know:

There will be seven points where you are asked to pause and consider something.  Notice the Scripture first.  It will set the tone for reflection.  Next, take a look at what you are being invited to consider.  These are meant as conversation starters between you and God.  You may find that at some places you will linger long and others you will move through more quickly.  This is to be expected. 

You might find it helpful to have a journal or something to write on as you go through the post. 

Take a moment to grab a black marker, a couple of slips of paper you would like to post around your home, and an object that is beautiful or pleasing to you.  By doing this now, you can fully participate without having to go in search of something a bit later.

Acknowledgements to be given:

All Scripture (except the Jonah passage), the Litany of Penance, the Concluding Prayer of the Church, and the Appointed Prayer of the Week appear in this post as they do in Eastertide.  They have been used with permission of the author.

My dear mother-in-law has put together the downloadable prayer for us to use this week.  I am extremely thankful that she has been generous with her time and talents.

Have a wonderful time connecting with God.  May you find that as you spend time in God's presence He leads you to mark this Lent well, walking it with Him. 

Grace and peace,

Jessica :)

***

“All your works praise you, O LORD, and your faithful servants bless you.

They make known the glory of your kingdom and speak of your power.” Psalm 145:10-11

Ann Voskamp writes: “We give to God when we give thanks.”

Begin this time of worship by lifting up specific things that you give thanks to God for in your life.  These items might be events, actions, or people in your life that come to mind.  They may be something that happened today, this week, this month, or more generally. 

Take a moment to write them down or voice them aloud. 

As you do so you “make known the glory of God’s kingdom and speak of His power.”    

***

“Hear the voice of my prayer when I cry out to you, when I lift up my hands to your holy of holies.” Psalm 28:2

Psalm 26:2  says: “Test me, O Lord, and try me; examine my heart and mind.” 

Make this cry your own. 

Take some time to be introspective.  What might God discover in your heart* and your mind if He were to examine them. 

Take note of the things that come to mind—both positive and negative.  Voice these to God.  Perhaps you would like to stand and lift your hands as you do, asking God to “Hear the voice of your prayer as you cry out.” 

*If you are wondering about what the heart is exactly, Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life."  Additionally, Dallas Willard writes that, “The heart is where the decisions and choices are made for the whole person.” 

***

  

“But now—declares Yahweh—come back to me with all of your heart, fasting, weeping, mourning.  Tear your hearts and not your clothes, and come back to Yahweh, your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love.”   Joel  2:12-13

God is good.  He does not leave us in a place of recognizing the dark places of our heart, only to despair.  Instead, He invites us to come to Him, to lay these unsavory qualities, attitudes, and things we have done at His feet.  He invites us to confess and to repent of our sin.  To repent means to turn away from and begin walking in a new and opposite direction, towards Christ.

Read the Litany of Penance; and make this prayer your prayer.  Read it in the way that seems natural to you—quietly or aloud.  When you have finished move on to the next reflection.  (If you need some time to really feel in an authentic attitude of repentance wait a bit before you read the prayer.) 

Litany of Penance

Most holy and merciful Father:

I confess to you and to the whole communion of saints

In heaven and on earth,

That I have sinned by my own fault

In thought, word and deed;

By what I have done, and by what I have left undone.

I have not loved you with my whole heart, and mind, and strength.  I have not

Loved my neighbor as myself.  I have not forgiven others, as I have been forgiven.

Have mercy on me, Lord.

I have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us.  I have not been true to

The mind of Christ.  I have grieved your Holy Spirit.

Have mercy on me, Lord.

I confess to you, Lord, all of my past unfaithfulness:  the pride, hypocrisy, and

Impatience of my life

I confess to you, Lord.

My self-indulgent appetites and ways, and my exploitation of other people,

I confess to you, Lord.

My anger at my own frustration, and my envy of those more fortunate than I,

I confess to you, Lord.

My intemperate love of wordly goods and comforts, and my dishonesty in

Daily life and work,

I confess to you, Lord.

My negligence in prayer and worship, and my failure to commend the faith

That is in me,

I confess to you, Lord.

Accept my repentance, Lord, for the wrongs I have done: for my blindness to

Human need and suffering, and my indifference to indulgence and cruelty,

Accept my repentance, Lord.

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward my neighbors, and

For my prejudice and contempt towards those who differ from me,

Accept my repentance, Lord.

For my waste and pollution of your creation, and my lack of concern for those

Who come after us,

Accept my repentance, Lord.

Restore me, good Lord, and your anger depart from me,

Favorably hear me for your mercy is great.

Accomplish in me and all of your church the work of your salvation,

That I might show forth all your glory in the world.

By the cross and passion of your Son, our Lord,

Bring me with your saints to the joy of His resurrection.

***

“The Ninevites believed God.  They declared a fast, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.  When the news reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, took off his royal robes, covered himself with sackcloth and sat down in the dust.  Then he issued a proclamation in Nineveh: 

“By the decree of the king and his nobles:

Do not let people or animals, herds or flocks, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink.  But let people and animals be covered with sackcloth.  Let everyone call urgently on God.  Let them give up their evil ways and their violence.  Who knows?  God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.”

When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened.”  Jonah 3:5-10

In ancient times, ashes were used to symbolize mourning.  Dusting oneself with ashes was a symbol of expressing sorrow for sin and faults, a way of pleading to God in an act of repentance.  In the Old Testament, Job says to God: “My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.  Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”  When you understand the symbolism of ashes in this context, it may not surprise you that Ash Wednesday is traditionally a day of repentance and remembering.

On the cross, Jesus took upon himself the sin and pain of the world, including the things you spent time confessing just a few minutes ago.  Pick up your black marker* or take some time to find one now.  Use it to draw on your hand or on a piece of paper the symbol of a cross as an act of repentance and recognition that when “we confess our sin Christ is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1:9.  As you look at the symbol of the cross on your hand throughout the rest of your day, be reminded of what Christ has done for you.

*Sadly, I have no way of providing ashes across this digital medium. This marker will be used in lieu of ashes and not on the forehead.  If you plan to attend an Ash Wednesday service today you will likely have ashes marked on your forehead in the shape of a cross.  The ashes are made of the palms used last Palm Sunday and are usually mixed with oil to form a paste for use on Ash Wednesday.

***

“Weigh my heart, summon me by night, melt me down; you will find no impurity in me.

I give no offense with my mouth as others do; I have heeded the words of your lips.

My footsteps hold fast to the ways of your law; in your paths my feet shall not stumble.

I call upon you, O God, for you will answer me; incline your ear to me and hear my words.

Show me your marvelous loving-kindness, O Savior of those who take refuge at your right hand from those who rise up against them.

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings.”   Psalm 17:3-8

Ash Wednesday is the day which begins the 40 days of Lent.  Emilie Griffin describes Lent in this way: “Externally Lent is a time of doing without.  It is a time of self-denial, a penitential time, a time of repentance.  But inwardly, Lent is a time of drawing closer to Jesus.” 

As you move forward into this season of the Church liturgical calendar I invite you to participate by surrendering something and by intentionally making time and space to connect with Christ.

Take some time to talk with God.  Consider what you might surrender to Christ during Lent.  Also consider in what ways you might intentionally set aside time and space to spend with Christ in this time leading up to Easter.  Take a moment to write down what you will surrender and what you will commit to.  Consider writing it on a slip of paper and posting it somewhere in your home where you will see it each day between now and Easter.  Consider sharing with the community here by posting in the comments section at the end of the post the way you will be moving into this season “surrendered” and  “making time and space.”

A few ideas to consider surrendering: Fear, Need for approval, Facebook, Television, Criticism

A few ideas to consider for making time and space: Reading through one of the Gospels, Something related to one of your spiritual pathways, Serving someone who crosses your path each day, Counting the ways God is good in a gratitude journal

***

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.   Thy kingdom come.  Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.  Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for ever and ever.  Amen.

Take a few moments to think on these words from the Lord’s Prayer.  One thing that is comforting in them is that it is God who is acting.  It is His kingdom come; His will to be done; His provision for bread; He that forgives; He that leads and delivers; and it is for His glory.  We are only responsible to forgive others. 

Take heart and know that as you surrender and as you create time and space this Lent, it is “not by might nor by power, but by the Lord’s spirit” that you will have the perseverance and endurance to complete the task you have committed to. 

And do you know what God will do with this offering of repentance, surrender, and time?  He longs to make something beautiful.  Isaiah 61:3 says He will “bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.”  He will make something beautiful from our humble offering.

Pick up the item that was beautiful or pleasing to you.  If you did not pick one out, go do that now.  Let this object be a symbol for you reminding you that Jesus will take that which you offer him and make it beautiful—beauty for ashes.  Place it somewhere where you will look at it regularly and be reminded of His promise.

***

“Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought me in safety to this new day: Preserve me with your mighty power, that I may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all I do direct me to the fulfilling of your purpose; through Jesus Christ my Lord.  Amen.”   - The Concluding Prayer of the Church

Take a look at the graphic image of “The Appointed Prayer for the Week ” below. 

Read it. 

Take a moment to print out a copy here. 

Place it somewhere where you will continue pray it during your times of prayer for the remainder of the week. 

You will not be praying it alone.  It is a prayer you will be praying with the greater community of the Church.  It is a symbol of our unity just as we are unified in this season through prayer and seeking the Lord and by walking with Him intentionally during this time of Lent. 

Blessings as you walk forward into Lent well. 

Go in peace.