"Welcome to the Chart Room"

I have been in the midst of the BRAVE journey with Crossroads and many other churches in our city.  Recently, I spent some time going through the BRAVE experience at CityLink Center.  This interactive prayer experience was one that provided some hands on tools to further explore the places in which God has been calling us as individuals to be brave.

***

I walk into the Chart Room not knowing what to expect. 

I am met by two huge wooden tables that look as though they have maps on them underneath a sheet of glass.  They are surrounded by well lit alcoves filled with messages inviting me to chart out a course. 

The track playing through the headphones I am wearing tells me to look for the message that connects with my heading.

My heading during this BRAVE journey has been: “Find a woman of peace.” 

I landed on this after reviewing a few things the BRAVE app pulled up for me to consider—where I want to be less stressed, where I need change, something I want to do, and looking at my “next spiritual step.”  It was this last area that really drew my attention, since all of these other items felt like areas where I have actively been make changes in my life recently. 

In looking at the spiritual progression—from seeking truth, to receiving Jesus, to focusing on obedience—I really am at the place where these are a part of my story, but I need to step towards replicating my faith in others.  This is something that I have been open to for a long time; and in some ways I think this happens on some level in snippets with many people I meet daily.  I am a teacher and love to share the things I am learning.  I also have the privilege of doing this daily with my Little Love.  However, I am constantly challenged by the stories I hear of others in our community at Crossroads who are actively and intentionally moving with a purpose to disciple others in their lives, encouraging and guiding them along as they seek Jesus in the midst of their life in a more disciplined and regular way. 

I don’t know how pursue this, really.  It doesn’t seem like something I can make happen.  So in some ways this brave challenge seemed to be the one that would require me to trust God to act most.  In the end, that is why I picked this heading. 

Truthfully, it feels risky to me, because I see no way of accomplishing all this on my own. 

However, after too many times of failing, I have learned that when I build up plans in my own way, they fall far short of what I hope for or expect.  God’s way is always better.  I sense that God has been in the midst of the formation of this heading, but nothing in my life at the moment really seems to suggest that this can be accomplished.  Certainly not in six weeks. 

Yet, I’m choosing to follow.  That’s what it is to be obedient, right?  I think of the disciples.   Jesus often asked them to go and do things that probably seemed a bit odd to them.  Yet,they followed and discovered things just as he told them they would be.  I wonder what I will find.

When I am asked to sum all this thinking up in six words or less, I remembered a phrase I have heard used around Crossroads to describe the way they encourage discipleship—“find a person of peace.” 

This phrase was meant to refer to the passage where Jesus sends out his twelve disciples in Matthew: 

^“ Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave.  As you enter the home, give it your greeting.  If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.  If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”  -Matthew 10:11-14, NIV

It is a phrase to express that our time is best spent sharing the good news and fostering growth in someone who is a willing recipient.  This person is a “person of peace.” 

I have all this in mind as I set my heading.  “Find a woman of peace.” 

I think about all of this in the Chart Room as I look around in these nooks trying to find a message that speaks to me. 

It is the sign that says   “I AM THE AUTHOR OF PEACE” that I keep coming back to.

There is something in this proclamation of God’s character makes me pause. 

I grab a brochure and sit down to consider this.

I am struck by the idea that in this journey to “find a woman of peace” it is God who is the author of peace.  He wants to bring His peace to my life.  I am also amazed by the thought that just as He brings His peace into my life I can trust He will prepare a person of peace for me; and as I consider this, I begin to think that perhaps this journey to find a woman of peace is not primarily an external thing.  I didn’t see that coming! 

As I Set Sail I am aware of God’s love for me.  I am aware of his provision.  I am aware that He wants my good, as I seek him and desire to be part of His vision, where disciples reproduce.  He wants me to be a woman of peace.

I step into the Storm Room and take a seat on steps.   I watch as people walk out on the water.  Like Peter, when Jesus says, “Come,” these people step out in faith.  The waves are churning and still they go.  I spy a spot high up and walk across the waters where I find a place to rest on the edge of a wave.

I sit and think about the storms that have been raging in me during this BRAVE journey.  Fear is something I have battled again and again in my life.  This time fear comes in the form of a full life.  How does this challenge fit into it?  I am not sure I see that yet.  I am afraid of being overwhelmed.  Yet, I realize, Jesus knows my capacity better than I do. 

I keep coming back to that chart room message: “I am the author of peace.”

All I can think is that God will take care of finding a woman of peace.  He wants me to concentrate on the internal journey of finding my peace in Christ.

With this revelation I move into the sanctuary.

I move through in the sand up to the front and find a spot to sit on a wooden bench.

I sit and listen to the music.

I lift up praise.

I thank God for speaking to me.

It is good to rest here in His presence.

In His presence I find peace.

As the minutes pass and I finally stand to leave.  I leave knowing that I do not go alone.

The peace of Christ goes with me.  He is with me wherever I go.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  -John 14:27 NIV

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek Christ and step boldly into the plans He has laid out for us—especially when they seem bigger than we can handle.  May we find that He is the peace in the midst of the stormy places.  May we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.  May we discover that He never leaves us or forsakes us.  May we come to know His faithfulness anew.

Jessica :)


A big thank you to my dear husband for capturing some photos of the prayer experience for me.  It wasn't until long after I returned I wished I had thought to pull out my camera!

Knots*

Thinking of this poem after choosing to walk into fear and out in freedom on the other side this week.  Giving thanks for moments like these as tough as they are.

The knots in my stomach—

Tighten and Constrict.

On and off.

Again and again.

All. Day.

As the thought of tonight’s event

Forms in my mind—

Drawing closer and closer,

Minute by minute.

A knot is added to a lengthening chain—

New people—new knot.

Alone to navigate a new place—another knot.

And it feels like I’d rather not go.

I’ve a swirled chain rattling my interior.

And I think I just might be sick.

So I gasp air and grab hold of Truth—

“God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity.”

Deep breath.  Relax.  Believe.

“The spirit God gives is power, love, and self-discipline.”

My mind assents.

The knot remains.

So too, the Truth.

Two forces battling—

One solid rock.

Other shifting sand.

I breathe deep and go forth clinging to Truth.

I walk in the reality of the moment—

One step in front of the other—

Anxiety is quelled.

 

Taking one moment at a time.

Immersed in that solid Truth.

The Spirit God goes with me.

Giving courage to tackle

One obstacle at a time.

His presence near.

The knots relax—slow.

Truth has won.

Peace reigns.

And the joyous glow of His victory

Burns brightly in my heart.

Sometimes discipleship is like this--clinging tightly to Truth and trusting God one step at a time.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we cling to Truth and push through fear trusting God, one step at at time.  May we discover that He is able to walk us through more than we think we can handle.  May we find joy in the freedom that follows obedient faith.

Jessica :)

*Reposted from the archives

The Way Everlasting

It is there. 

It is somewhere in the midst of seeking how He is calling me to surrender that I realize His goodness.

It is in the way He is calling me to create time and space for Him this Lent that I realize that He cares for my every need.

The things He calls me to are not burdensome.  They are freeing. 

For it is out of examine, in this space, they come.

He has been with me here—considering heart and mind.

He has watched as I name the ugly—jealousy, selfishness, and fear.

He has seen me recognize the beautiful—joy, love, and hope.

He has been near as I identify exhaustion.

He is calling me towards freedom.

He says to me, “Jessica, surrender the places of fear and walk courageously beside Me.  Trust Me and watch Me work.”

He says to me, “Jessica, see how exhausted you are?  Make time to rest.  Rest in My presence.”

I receive these words with gratitude.

I am overwhelmed by His love for me. 

And I wonder.  How does he know? 

How does he know just how to meet my every need, in every season of this life?

I think of the Psalm I committed to memory long ago. 

It used to hang in colorful letters, behind glitter, shimmering on my bedroom wall.  

He knows me.

I wrote it so I would remember.

I consider the final words of the Psalm:

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Psalm 139:23-24

It is in this remembering these words I realize that Lent is learning to walk in the way everlasting. 

He has searched and tested. 

Now I will let him lead on—to repentance, to wholeness, to an abundantly good life.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we follow God’s leading this Lent.  May we discover the way of Christ is toward repentance, walking in a new way.  May we delight in the freedom it brings as we learn to live an abundant life.

Jessica :)

Seek Ye First

I wake this morning with a word from God. 

“Seek first the kingdom of God.”  Matthew 6:33

I'm not exactly sure why this verse until I begin to read it in context. 

“Do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:31-33 TNIV

I find it strange that in all the years that I have sung the song about seeking first his kingdom, I have never connected it with the context in which it is set—worry. 

I think about the circumstances of life at the moment—big decisions with variables I cannot control—and this is exactly what I am inclined to do.  Worry.  

He knows me well. 

And knowing me well, He chooses to speak that which I need to hear.

He tells me not to worry. 

He reminds me that he knows my needs.

He tells me to keep walking towards Him...to seek Him first.

He will provide for all these things I worry about. 

I just need to keep seeking Him. 

So this week…

Don’t worry.

Let's trust that God sees us.

Let's trust that He knows our needs. 

Let's trust that He knows and cares about the details of our lives.

Seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first.

For, it is in seeking God that we find life.

Let’s pursue Him, leaving behind everything which might distract. 

Let's pursue the things He calls us to do and trust that He will meet every need  we have along the way.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." 

Matthew 6:33 NLT 

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we let go of worry and seek the Kingdom of God.  As we seek God and live under his direction may we find life and discover that He meets all our needs along the way.

Jessica :)

...reposted from the archives

Look At The Heart

As I drive to meet my sister for lunch, I sing a verse from the song I sung with others, earlier in the morning.

“I will keep my eyes open, open for the Lord.

I will keep my eyes open, open for the Lord.

Though sometimes hidden, I can trust he’s near.

I will keep my eyes open, open for the Lord.”

As I near downtown, I offer up my desire to keep my eyes open to for the Lord. 

I want to have my eyes open to the ways He might be seeking to work in the midst of those I come across as I walk along and those I have conversations with, like my sister.  

I want to live aware and responsive to Him.

I make my way to my sister’s building and wait for while she makes her way to street level. 

We decide to have lunch at a place a few blocks away.

We are walking down the street, when a man by the edge of a building calls out, “I thought the last woman to walk by was fine, but you are more fine.”

I am in shorts, a plain t-shirt, with crocs.  Comfortable.  Not cute.

My sister is in a cute blue dress with a blazer top and stilettos.  This man is talking to her.

I cringe, uncomfortable, knowing that he’s speaking to her in such a way. 

I look at this man.  He stands in tattered clothes with bags next to him, filled with all that he has in the world. 

I want to tell him that this is no way to speak to a woman. 

Instead, we pass as quickly as possible.  I hope we will not pass him again on our way back.  I think, perhaps we should walk an entirely different way back to her office to avoid the possibility.

Yet, when we unexpectedly take our lunch to go, we end up walking back the same way we came.  My sister tells me there are some good places to sit outside, but we have to go back up the street. 

I follow reluctantly.

We start to pass the man again.  He asks us a question, a little hint at humor is in his voice.  

“Did you bring back some of that food for me?”

His voice is softer—gentle, even.

I am at a loss for words.

My sister says, kindly, “I’m sorry, no.”

The man responds in the same way, a bit sad, “I know.  It’s okay.”

But, it is not okay.

We walk on and my heart breaks, because he spoke like he expected this response. 

His voice was sorrowful.

I know it deep inside, this man would have been full of joy and gratitude had I said to him, “Yes, this food is for you.  All for you.”

Gone was the off-putting pretense of this man.  I had glimpsed a bit of his heart. 

He was worn and hungry and wanting some kind of connection. 

And I missed it.

I couldn’t see through my fear and judgment to compassion, until now.

Too late.

At the end of our sister lunch, I am eager to run into Bruegger’s on the corner, to take him something to eat.  I look back up the street, to see if he is still there.  He isn’t.

As I walk back to the car, I lift up thanks to God for opening my eyes to see.   

He helped me to see past this man’s rough exterior to catch a glimpse of his heart. 

He reminded me that this is what is important.

He helped me to see the real needs of this man.  Hunger.  Rest.  Connection.

And He got me thinking about what it might look like to respond differently next time.

I thank Him for this man with the hungry heart.

The Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The LORD does not look at the things human beings look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 TNIV

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we keep our eyes open for the Lord.  May He teach us to see as He does.  May He present us with opportunities to share His grace, peace and love with others.  May He teach us through experience in ways that will shape and transform us.  May we live changed.

Jessica :)

Seek Ye First

I wake this morning with a word from God. 

“Seek first the kingdom of God.”  Matthew 6:33

I'm not exactly sure why this verse until I begin to read it in context. 

“Do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  Matthew 6:31-33 TNIV

I find it strange that in all the years that I have sung the song about seeking first his kingdom, I have never connected it with the context in which it is set—worry. 

I think about the circumstances of life at the moment—big decisions with variables I cannot control—and this is exactly what I am inclined to do.  Worry.  

He knows me well. 

And knowing me well, He chooses to speak that which I need to hear.

He tells me not to worry. 

He reminds me that he knows my needs.

He tells me to keep walking towards Him...to seek Him first.

He will provide for all these things I worry about. 

I just need to keep seeking Him. 

So this week…

Don’t worry.

Let's trust that God sees us.

Let's trust that He knows our needs. 

Let's trust that He knows and cares about the details of our lives.

Seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first.

For, it is in seeking God that we find life.

Let’s pursue Him, leaving behind everything which might distract. 

Let's pursue the things He calls us to do and trust that He will meet every need  we have along the way.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." 

Matthew 6:33 NLT 

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we let go of worry and seek the Kingdom of God.  As we seek God and live under his direction may we find life and discover that He meets all our needs along the way.

Jessica :)



Knots Again

The knots in my stomach—

Tighten and Constrict.

On and off.

Again and again.

All. Day.

As the thought of tonight’s event

Forms in my mind—

Drawing closer and closer,

Minute by minute.

A knot is added to a lengthening chain—

New people—new knot.

Alone to navigate a new place—another knot.

And it feels like I’d rather not go.

I’ve a swirled chain rattling my interior.

And I think I just might be sick.

So I gasp air and grab hold of Truth—

“God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity.”

Deep breath.  Relax.  Believe.

“The spirit God gives is power, love, and self-discipline.”

My mind assents.

The knot remains.

So too, the Truth.

Two forces battling—

One solid rock.

Other shifting sand.

I breathe deep and go forth clinging to Truth.

I walk in the reality of the moment—

One step in front of the other—

Anxiety is quelled.

 

Taking one moment at a time.

Immersed in that solid Truth.

The Spirit God goes with me.

Giving courage to tackle

One obstacle at a time.

His presence near.

The knots relax—slow.

Truth has won.

Peace reigns.

And the joyous glow of His victory

Burns brightly in my heart.

Sometimes discipleship is like this--clinging tightly to Truth and trusting God one step at a time.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we cling to Truth and push through fear trusting God, one step at at time.  May we discover that He is able to walk us through more than we think we can handle.  May we find joy in the freedom that follows obedient faith.

Jessica :)