Scripture Reads

It is an activity I have often led in leadership trainings and participated in while on retreats. 

Often it is called lectio divina. Yet, tonight as I sit at Last Wednesday, Chuck and Andrea don’t call it that.  Instead, they strip the practice down to its core and call it what it is—listening to God through His Word.

They teach.

He is always speaking through His Word. 

“For the word of God is alive and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”  Hebrews 4:12

As we read Scripture, Scripture is reading us, they say.

They challenge.

Do we take time to stop and listen to God in His Word?

They lead.

As an auditorium of many, we stop to practice. 

We read and listen for God to speak.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:23-25

As I read, it stands out to me like words bolded on the page, calling out to my heart: 

“Hold unswervingly to the hope” and “he who promised is faithful.”

In the minutes that follow I am invited to consider what God might be trying to say to me.  I read the passage again and the context provides the key to what I think God is trying to tell me.

I don’t really like it.  This is about my attitude, my bad attitude.  I can hold to it or I can hold unswervingly to my hope trusting that he who promises is faithful.

I sit in the midst of an unwelcome confrontation.  Will I receive what I think God is speaking to me?

At the moment, I think I am very happy with my bad attitude.  Will I let it go?

Chuck challenges us to “share what you think you heard with someone from your tribe and act on it” before we go to bed tonight.  He has already shared that it is often in sharing what we think we hear that we receive confirmation (“Yes that sounds like God based on His Word and character"), correction (“No that’s not God” or further insight), and encouragement.

I am not looking forward to this sharing, but I am determined to do it. 

On my way home, I try to brainstorm ways of avoiding this assignment altogether.  However, in the end, I realize I will either do it or not, with this task there is no half-way.

When Jason asks about Last Wednesday I dodge, preferring to listen to him share why he wasn’t able to come late like he hoped.

We carry on with what is left of our evening—comparing baby items online—until I finally work up the courage to share what I think I heard God say to me.

In this, I pour out what I’m ashamed to admit to him—my bad attitude spilling out real and ugly.  Somehow it seems even uglier when it is out in the open.  I think I’m beginning to recognize this attitude for what it really is—toxic.  When I think of this, I’m not quite so happy with it anymore.  

Still, I hold to it defiantly—waiting. 

I am waiting for the words of correction to painfully whip across my heart. 

Instead, my husband gracefully draws me close and speaks.  Far from stinging censure, his words are gentle, but pointed.  His words bring the perspective I need.  They help me see what I could not see before.  What he says changes everything.  

All at once, I am broken for the way I have been rigid, inflexible and critical.  I have been trying to control this situation and in doing so I have been everything but loving. 

After I take it all in, I turn toward Jason and apologize for how I have made things difficult for him.  The tears trickle as I tell him I want to be a helpful partner in the midst of this situation.  I tell him I want to respond compassionately and live trusting the Faithful One to work out all I hope for in the midst of something I am unable to control.

In the midst of this, he affirms me and gives me encouragement.

I look into his kind eyes and realize that my dread is gone.  The toxins have been drawn out.  I feel free somehow.  I find I am softened at heart and ready to respond to all that God has spoken to me.

I wonder at it all.

I walk upstairs to get ready for bed thankful and lifting up praise for the beginning of His transformation in me.

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we listen to God—in His Word—seek counsel from our tribe, and follow where He leads.  May we find that He is good and works for ours.

Jessica :)

A Weekend Retreat

This weekend, I will be attending A Time of Refreshment retreat.  I am looking forward to a time and place that is set apart for women to come and meet with God.  It is a time of worship, silence and solitude, and celebrating what He speaks to us in our time with Him. 

As I think of this, I recall the sweet time with Him last year. 

The fruit? 

This poem and a refreshed heart.

I wake early

To come away

To meet with You.

I sit and savor slowly—words.

“Look.”  “Ask.”

So I journey with eyes wide and senses ready.

To see what I would see.

Camera in hand, I walk to capture ready beauty.

And I find—

Sinking softly in earth, crunching loudly through fallen leaves,

Meandering slow through grassy field, sliding swiftly down hillside,

Standing still at water’s edge

When my attention is caught

As I delight

I am able to see that which is just out of sight—

From mushroom to hidden seed

Down ancient paths, I am led to the foot of the cross

I journey

And as I “Look”

As I “Ask” to see

I find in my own looking—without Your focus

I am blind.

  

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we find a time and a place to spend time with God.  Whether the time is short or long; whether the place is in the midst of nature or in the laundry room may it be sweet because He meets us there.  May we savor His presence and walk in step with Him out from that place refreshed.

Jessica :)

What I Do Have

It was so easy in rural Utah to feel like I was doing all I could for the poor.

In this respect, moving back to my hometown has been hard.

There, my exposure to the poor was through the food pantry, the soup kitchen, a dear elderly friend, and the occasional panhandler on the street corner near the Walmart parking lot.  For the panhandlers, it was easy to grab a sandwich, some fruit, or something to drink when I went on an errand and drop it off before I left.  Sometimes, I would have a conversation, others I would say a few words of blessing and head on my way.  It was easy, because it didn’t happen very often.  And since it didn’t happen very often, I felt like it was manageable.

Here, it seems like I pass a panhandler, nearly, every time I get on the highway.  And these aren’t rotating faces.  They are the same ones.  And I don’t know what to do with that.  Part of me feels sorry for these people, wondering what brought them to begging on the street and what keeps them here.  Part of me feels angry that they are there, forcing me to confront the poverty I see in them, every time I pass by.  This isn’t easy.  And it certainly doesn’t seem manageable at all. 

I wonder about addictions, jobs that, surely, could be found, and about mental illness.

I wonder where their family is.

I wonder why it is that I feel guilty as I pass by with nothing to hand them. 

I can’t shake thinking about all this, because I know God loves these people. 

There is much in Scripture about how God cares for the poor.  He wrote provisions for the poor right into the Mosaic Law.  He had harsh words for Israel’s failure to consider the poor in the prophetic books.  And Jesus himself tells about separating the sheep and the goats based on how those people helped the poor or did not help the poor. 

This is important for me to get.

“Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”  Proverbs 14:31

Yet, what does it really mean to love the poor?  What does kindness to the needy look like?

I’ve been thinking about this lately.

I don’t have the answers.

I do know that last night God brought to mind a particular story in Acts.  I think it tells me a lot about what loving kindness toward the needy looks like.

“One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon.  Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts.  When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money.  Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!”  So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.”  Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.  When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.”  Acts 3:1-10 NIV

The lame man calls out for money.  Peter and John notice him. 

Peter calls out, “Look at us!”  The man looks, expectantly waiting.  But they don’t give him money at all. 

Instead, they give what they have. 

Peter speaks, healing him in the name of Jesus, and helps the man to his feet.

Is the man sad that he didn’t get money?  Not at all.  He is overjoyed that he is no longer lame. 

He goes along trying out his new legs—walking and jumping—praising God.

And the people are filled with wonder at what happened to him.

This story encourages me, because there were those who sought help then, just as now.

People passed the same man daily as they came and went asking for help, just like I pass the panhandlers day after day.  And while panhandlers may not all be physically crippled today, something in me wonders if they are lame in a different way. 

It makes me think that while they ask for money, to last the day, what they really need is somthing else.  They need someone to take notice of them.  They need someone ot take notice of their real need.  And they need someone to speak healing over them in Jesus' name. 

I think on a deep spirit level I must know this.  I think it is this that causes the guilt as I pass by—feeling like I ignore someone with a very real need.   

Only, I never realized before that it isn’t what I don’t have to give that is important.  It is what I do have that is important. 

So, I may forget my cold bottle of water in the refrigerator; and I may forget to bring the food packs along when I head down to the Banks, when a Red’s game is happening.  But, I still have something to offer.  I can listen and I can speak healing in Jesus name.

Jesus said:

“Very truly I tell you, all who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” John 14:12-14 TNIV

Do I believe Jesus when he says this? 

He healed people—lame ones, people with illnesses of all sorts--physical, spiritual, emotional.  

He fed people, thousands of them from just a little.

I’ve heard of miracles happening like this today.  I believe it happens.

Do I believe He can do this through His Holy Spirit that lives in me?

Because if I do…

It seems to me, by noticing the real cry of someone’s heart and meeting their real present need, it will be doing the most loving thing of all.  It will usher them into the presence of a loving God, the one who can truly meet all their needs.

*** 

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to honor God by being kind to the poor and needy.  May He give us eyes to see the real needs whether physical, relational, emotional, or spiritual.  Jesus, may we trust that as we give what we have—You—that You will heal and make them whole.

Jessica :)

...reposted from the archives

What I Do Have

It was so easy in rural Utah to feel like I was doing all I could for the poor.

In this respect, moving back to my hometown has been hard.

There, my exposure to the poor was through the food pantry, the soup kitchen, a dear elderly friend, and the occasional panhandler on the street corner near the Walmart parking lot.  For the panhandlers, it was easy to grab a sandwich, some fruit, or something to drink when I went on an errand and drop it off before I left.  Sometimes, I would have a conversation, others I would say a few words of blessing and head on my way.  It was easy, because it didn’t happen very often.  And since it didn’t happen very often, I felt like it was manageable.

Here, it seems like I pass a panhandler, nearly, every time I get on the highway.  And these aren’t rotating faces.  They are the same ones.  And I don’t know what to do with that.  Part of me feels sorry for these people, wondering what brought them to begging on the street and what keeps them here.  Part of me feels angry that they are there, forcing me to confront the poverty I see in them, every time I pass by.  This isn’t easy.  And it certainly doesn’t seem manageable at all. 

I wonder about addictions, jobs that, surely, could be found, and about mental illness.

I wonder where their family is.

I wonder why it is that I feel guilty as I pass by with nothing to hand them. 

I can’t shake thinking about all this, because I know God loves these people. 

There is much in Scripture about how God cares for the poor.  He wrote provisions for the poor right into the Mosaic Law.  He had harsh words for Israel’s failure to consider the poor in the prophetic books.  And Jesus himself tells about separating the sheep and the goats based on how those people helped the poor or did not help the poor. 

This is important for me to get.

“Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.”  Proverbs 14:31

Yet, what does it really mean to love the poor?  What does kindness to the needy look like?

I’ve been thinking about this lately.

I don’t have the answers.

I do know that last night God brought to mind a particular story in Acts.  I think it tells me a lot about what loving kindness toward the needy looks like.

“One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon.  Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts.  When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money.  Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!”  So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.”  Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong.  He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.  When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the same man who used to sit begging at the temple gate called Beautiful, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.”  Acts 3:1-10 NIV

The lame man calls out for money.  Peter and John notice him. 

Peter calls out, “Look at us!”  The man looks, expectantly waiting.  But they don’t give him money at all. 

Instead, they give what they have. 

Peter speaks, healing him in the name of Jesus, and helps the man to his feet.

Is the man sad that he didn’t get money?  Not at all.  He is overjoyed that he is no longer lame. 

He goes along trying out his new legs—walking and jumping—praising God.

And the people are filled with wonder at what happened to him.

This story encourages me, because there were those who sought help then, just as now.

People passed the same man daily as they came and went asking for help, just like I pass the panhandlers day after day.  And while panhandlers may not all be physically crippled today, something in me wonders if they are lame in a different way. 

It makes me think that while they ask for money, to last the day, what they really need is somthing else.  They need someone to take notice of them.  They need someone ot take notice of their real need.  And they need someone to speak healing over them in Jesus' name. 

 

I think on a deep spirit level I must know this.  I think it is this that causes the guilt as I pass by—feeling like I ignore someone with a very real need.   

Only, I never realized before that it isn’t what I don’t have to give that is important.  It is what I do have that is important. 

So, I may forget my cold bottle of water in the refrigerator; and I may forget to bring the food packs along when I head down to the Banks, when a Red’s game is happening.  But, I still have something to offer.  I can listen and I can speak healing in Jesus name.

Jesus said:

“Very truly I tell you, all who have faith in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.  And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” John 14:12-14 TNIV

Do I believe Jesus when he says this? 

He healed people—lame ones, people with illnesses of all sorts--physical, spiritual, emotional.  

He fed people, thousands of them from just a little.

I’ve heard of miracles happening like this today.  I believe it happens.

Do I believe He can do this through His Holy Spirit that lives in me?

Because if I do…

It seems to me, by noticing the real cry of someone’s heart and meeting their real present need, it will be doing the most loving thing of all.  It will usher them into the presence of a loving God, the one who can truly meet all their needs.

*** 

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we seek to honor God by being kind to the poor and needy.  May He give us eyes to see the real needs whether physical, relational, emotional, or spiritual.  Jesus, may we trust that as we give what we have—You—that You will heal and make them whole.

Jessica :)

Look At The Heart

As I drive to meet my sister for lunch, I sing a verse from the song I sung with others, earlier in the morning.

“I will keep my eyes open, open for the Lord.

I will keep my eyes open, open for the Lord.

Though sometimes hidden, I can trust he’s near.

I will keep my eyes open, open for the Lord.”

As I near downtown, I offer up my desire to keep my eyes open to for the Lord. 

I want to have my eyes open to the ways He might be seeking to work in the midst of those I come across as I walk along and those I have conversations with, like my sister.  

I want to live aware and responsive to Him.

I make my way to my sister’s building and wait for while she makes her way to street level. 

We decide to have lunch at a place a few blocks away.

We are walking down the street, when a man by the edge of a building calls out, “I thought the last woman to walk by was fine, but you are more fine.”

I am in shorts, a plain t-shirt, with crocs.  Comfortable.  Not cute.

My sister is in a cute blue dress with a blazer top and stilettos.  This man is talking to her.

I cringe, uncomfortable, knowing that he’s speaking to her in such a way. 

I look at this man.  He stands in tattered clothes with bags next to him, filled with all that he has in the world. 

I want to tell him that this is no way to speak to a woman. 

Instead, we pass as quickly as possible.  I hope we will not pass him again on our way back.  I think, perhaps we should walk an entirely different way back to her office to avoid the possibility.

Yet, when we unexpectedly take our lunch to go, we end up walking back the same way we came.  My sister tells me there are some good places to sit outside, but we have to go back up the street. 

I follow reluctantly.

We start to pass the man again.  He asks us a question, a little hint at humor is in his voice.  

“Did you bring back some of that food for me?”

His voice is softer—gentle, even.

I am at a loss for words.

My sister says, kindly, “I’m sorry, no.”

The man responds in the same way, a bit sad, “I know.  It’s okay.”

But, it is not okay.

We walk on and my heart breaks, because he spoke like he expected this response. 

His voice was sorrowful.

I know it deep inside, this man would have been full of joy and gratitude had I said to him, “Yes, this food is for you.  All for you.”

Gone was the off-putting pretense of this man.  I had glimpsed a bit of his heart. 

He was worn and hungry and wanting some kind of connection. 

And I missed it.

I couldn’t see through my fear and judgment to compassion, until now.

Too late.

At the end of our sister lunch, I am eager to run into Bruegger’s on the corner, to take him something to eat.  I look back up the street, to see if he is still there.  He isn’t.

As I walk back to the car, I lift up thanks to God for opening my eyes to see.   

He helped me to see past this man’s rough exterior to catch a glimpse of his heart. 

He reminded me that this is what is important.

He helped me to see the real needs of this man.  Hunger.  Rest.  Connection.

And He got me thinking about what it might look like to respond differently next time.

I thank Him for this man with the hungry heart.

The Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The LORD does not look at the things human beings look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 TNIV

***

Grace and peace be ours in abundance as we keep our eyes open for the Lord.  May He teach us to see as He does.  May He present us with opportunities to share His grace, peace and love with others.  May He teach us through experience in ways that will shape and transform us.  May we live changed.

Jessica :)